me and gf on a "break"

[therealdeal956]

hey guys been a while since I've visited the boards, proceeded to get myself a great girlfriend and then loose her. The short story is, we went out for 5 months, but as soon as school started we began to get sorta distant. After two weeks of barely seeing each other and her seeming kinda depressed, we come to the mutually decision to go on a "break" for a while, even though i didnt really want to. we agreed we're allowed to see other people, and shes confident we'll get back together later in the year. The only sketchy part is, right after the breakup she became really standoff-ish and cold towards me, almost ignorming me after we agreed to still be friends and not make it awkward (we have a class together). I guess the bottom line is that what she has said to me, and i do believe her, is just not reflective of her actions. Should I act cold and ignore her back? I do really want to get back together with her in a few months.

[Snow.za]

Show her that you're not going to take her shit.
If she wants to be cold towards you there's so need to be cold back, just take the break that you have been given and go hook up with other chicks.
Chances are that you'll most likely get over her by doing this and by you being back in the field and she'll notice the success you're getting, making her jealous probably.
So yeah, you don't need to feed her shit back to her, just show her that you're not effected by it. Live a little.

To be honest, breaks don't ever really end with you getting back together, well i guess that depends on you but personally I wouldn't get back with my 'girlfriend'.

Snow x

[smoob]

If it was just a girl you were talking to and not a girl you was in a relationship being standoffish, then I would agree with snow (to an extent). However, relationships are different. Best thing to do is man up and confront her about it PRIVATELY (even if it just means talking about it on the phone). Just forget all the gaming stuff for a sec and talk to her respectfully, tell her how you feel (not in a needy way), and let her feel comfortable talking to you.

[therealdeal956]

Yea my dilema is whether i should say anything to her or not. We agreed to give each other space but atill be friends. So do i give her her space and not say anythinf about it or confront her? Or maybe i should wait a week and see if ahe still acts the same way. And ik breaks dont often end up getting back together, but me and this girl were pretty close, i guess im trying to keep hope alive while also move on which probably is a contradiction

[Sketch]

Act how YOU want to act. Don't react of off her actions.

Be a man. Men do what they want. Stay true to your values. Cut out the negativity from your life and get on with it.

-Sketch

[darkpwns]

First thing you need to realize is that a break is a female's way of saying: "I'm keeping you on standby until I find somebody better, if I don't at least I have a fall back"

Another thing that is important to understand is: You can't just jump backwards in a relationship. Not like that. You can't simply go from being intimate to being "just friends". If such a thing is to happen, you need time. Months of it. For you two to be friends, both need to move on. If you don't want to ruin it, I suggest letting go of the idea that you two will EVER get back together. I mean, it may happen, but don't think about it.

If she comes to you wanting to get back, then roll with it. If you want to do it, do it. But until then, don't worry about her.

[therealdeal956]

Yea im really trying not to think about it but its difficult. Im even being set up with a hb8 by my friend. Just the fact that she told me confidently, and other people that she thinks we'll get back together makes it hard not to think about it. I guess i do need to accept te reality that we arent getting back anytime soon and move on

[darkpwns]

I was with the same girl for almost two years. I was even thinking about settling down early and all that. Then I deployed and we got a bit distant, since there is no way she could understand what I was doing or going through, and her problems didn't seem important to me; after all, what's your boss being a dick compared to simply BEING in Afghanistan?

Anyway, I was super broken up about it, and we were damn sure we were going to get back together when the deployment was over. At one point she was ready to get back even before, but I didn't see the point. The situation would be the same.

Eventually, we were apart for so long that we decided it might be better to just to cut the bull and say we weren't getting back together. And from there, we were SLOWLY able to start a somewhat "normal" friendship. Although, I'm quite sure, at the time being it falls in the realm of "friends with benefits", as we're still undeniably attracted to each other.

What I'm getting at here is, I was in the same boat as you, really. It's hard not to be. On deployment, it's more like you're in a time capsule, not really moving forward and always thinking about the same people. So, I held on to the idea that we were going to get together. However, the longer we did not get back to whispering "I love you"s to each other, the more resentful I became, until I legit snapped on her and we decided we were done. And from there, progress was made.

Now, you don't have to snap or anything, that's extreme and undesirable. But if you keep on like this, it'd probably happen to you as well. The letting it go is the important part. From there, progress can be made.

Also, good luck with the HB8. However, remember that all your friend can do by talking you up is hurt your chances when you actually get to talking, so bring your A game!

[RMO]

Oct 26, 2012 14:13:10 GMT -5 darkpwns said:

what's your boss being a dick compared to simply BEING in Afghanistan?

Applicable to almost all bullshit people are worried about.

[therealdeal956]

Thanks for shareinf that man, especially cause i plan on enlisting next year. When you say progress, progress towards moving on or progress towards fixing therelationship?

[darkpwns]

Difficult to say. It's what you make it really. All it really is is saying "this is a waste of time" and embodying that quote. The flow of time might dictate you remain friends, friends with benefits (though this is more likely among exes that are still single...all that sexual tension created just by existing in the same space!), boyfriend/girlfriend or absolutely nothing to each other.

[therealdeal956]

Nalright thanks man. I would really like it if we went back out sometime in the future, but you guys are right, dwelling on it wont help at all

[therealdeal956]

Hey guys just an update. I went no contact for about a week, ignoring her completely and i could tell she hated it. she contacted me and we had a really long talk about everything and she said how she really missed me and missed talking to me. She said she still didnt want to be in a relationship right now but still sees getting back together in the future. We agreed to start hanging out again and be a kind of "thing" and to not rush back into a relationship. Since then shes initiated contact three times, weve had little flirty conversations. pretty good stuff in all. Shes not like completely throwing herself at me, but I can see its still there.
Now my concern is how i should approach things now. Do you guys think I should still play it cool for a while, minimal contact, maybe not even hang out until shes ready for a relationship, still not let her have her cake and eat it to so she'll want to get back sooner. OR do you think i should slowly start upping the contact. Start doing the "cutesy stuff again" that she loved about me, reminding her about how much fun we have together>Which do you think will speed up the "get back" process?

[NorwegianDJ]

You don't have to be in a relationship to do sexual things. Just act as if.

[Sketch]

The big question i'm wondering here is; When you were on your break, did you get with any other girls at all? Or even just try? Honestly.

-Sketch