Post by OHM on Feb 19, 2009 15:12:34 GMT -5
This is just for those who are recovering nice guys and how to get out of that trap.
Why being a Nice Guy is bad:
Nice Guys are often terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person's problem.
Because of their fear of conflict, nice guys are frequently dishonest and are rarely available to work all the way through a problem.
A nice guy often takes value, and often does not give value.
The Nice Guy Paradigm:
"If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life"
And even when this above paradigm is ineffective (which is usually always), nice guys see one alternative. To try harder, and this just gets you stuck in LJBF zone at best.
Doing Something Different
For any nice guy out there, you will need to do something different from what you have been doing; you will need to become an "Integrated Male".
Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self.
The Attributes of an Integrated Male ;D
*Strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
*He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
*He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
*He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
*He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
*He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
*He can be nurturing and giving without care taking or problem-solving.
*He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
Accept yourself as being perfectly imperfect.
In layman's terms, don't be a woman's bitch, but don't be an asshole either, find a happy medium.
Paradigm- a set of forms all of which contain a particular element, esp. the set of all inflected forms based on a single stem or theme.
Why being a Nice Guy is bad:
Nice Guys are often terrible listeners because they are too busy trying to figure out how to defend themselves or fix the other person's problem.
Because of their fear of conflict, nice guys are frequently dishonest and are rarely available to work all the way through a problem.
A nice guy often takes value, and often does not give value.
The Nice Guy Paradigm:
"If I can hide my flaws and become what I think others want me to be then I will be loved, get my needs met, and have a problem-free life"
And even when this above paradigm is ineffective (which is usually always), nice guys see one alternative. To try harder, and this just gets you stuck in LJBF zone at best.
Doing Something Different
For any nice guy out there, you will need to do something different from what you have been doing; you will need to become an "Integrated Male".
Being integrated means being able to accept all aspects of one's self.
The Attributes of an Integrated Male ;D
*Strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
*He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
*He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
*He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
*He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
*He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
*He can be nurturing and giving without care taking or problem-solving.
*He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
Accept yourself as being perfectly imperfect.
In layman's terms, don't be a woman's bitch, but don't be an asshole either, find a happy medium.
Paradigm- a set of forms all of which contain a particular element, esp. the set of all inflected forms based on a single stem or theme.
(that smily seems to fit here).
