Situational Confidence?

[jaycp]

Hey guys, I've kind of run into a problem. My confidence feels completely situational. Like when I'm in a class with a some friends, it's like I rule the school. I can crack jokes, approach/ talk to everyone around me (like I'm the shit, haha). But in a couple of my classes, where I don't really know anyone, it's not the same. My table for period 4 is pretty much a silent fest. It's like I can't relate to these people at all. If I say anything, it usually about the class, blah blah blah. And then there are long ass awkward silences. there are 2 girls at my table too. Tips?

[Chris]

Oh I know what you mean, i used to have this problem and i
think most guys have.

The only way to develop "core confidence" is just pushing your
emotional comfort zone... a lot. That's where real personal growth
comes from. Go do some cold approaches, go do crazy shit where
you know you will be judged by people.

For right now tho, when your in one of those situations, it always
helped me to befriend the teacher. That always made me more
confident, and... you can get away with more. Get to know
everyone else too while you're at it.

[Grape]

Yeah, I mean just sitting there doing nothing where you don't know anyone isn't going to be giving you confidence.

Like Chris said, do some cold approaches, and just be fun and say "Hey guys. what's up"

All the naturals I know seem to know how to dominate a room they've never gone into before and leave with 5 girls in their arms.

How'd they do it? They approached, opened, and gamed =]

[sparkogre]

I used to have that exact problem, and while I still have it to a degree, I've largely gotten through it.

I know what it's like: 1 hour you'll be fucking king of the classroom, and the next hour you're trying not to look like a total nerd.

The way I tried to kind of 'normalize' myself was by telling myself, I would be the same person all day. Now, that by itself doesn't help anybody. But what you do, is when you're in one of those awkward-silence infested classes, open your damn mouth. The lamest talk in the world is preferable to awkward silence.

You know how all the pick-up gurus always say that small-talk is bad, and that you should never be so strapped for talk that you have to resort to the "where are you from"-esque questions (obviously you're not asking where anybody's from if you're in high school, but you get my drift)? Fuck that. You NEED to talk. Small-talk is your friend; at this stage, you're NOT TRYING TO BE A PICK-UP ARTIST; YOU'RE TRYING TO LOOK NORMAL. It feels completely wrong when you're in one of those 'bad' classes to start talking (especially after being awkward for 2 months) and whatnot, but just do it. I remember I felt (false feeling. IGNORE THAT SHIT) like I was being TOTALLY socially awkward when I was talking, but the point is, you can't get any lower than silence.

And one more thing: I've found that it is VERY hard to suddenly change the way you act when it's the same situation with the same people (if you had put me in a new class when I made my commitment to talk I probably would have had like 1% of the trouble I did). I had been in my classes for like 2 months before I decided on this course of action, and so it was very hard to change. Sometimes I would be sitting there silently thinking to myself, "MOTHERFUCKER YOU SHOULD BE TALKING RIGHT NOW." And I would be totally kicking myself for not doing it.

One tip: Talk enthusiastically when you start first opening up to these people in your 'bad' class. You know when you talk to the awkward nerds, and they talk all quiet and soft, and there's just not much to their vocal tonality? FUCK THAT SHIT. In my experience, you can be saying the LAMEST shit in the world, but if you say it in a cool way, it sounds cool (the best word for what I'm going for is ENTHUSIASM). Enthusiasm is how cool people talk.

Summary: open your damn mouth and whatever you say, say it with enthusiasm. Even the lamest shit in the world sounds cool with enthusiasm.


One more thing I've learned that's helpful: if it's the first day of a class, and you walk in and see like NOBODY that you know, look for a seat, and say "hey, what's up" or "hi" to the people in the seats next you. Seriously, the FIRST DAY, say that, because that sets the...."vibe" that you guys talk. You might not think that "hi" is a great opener, but it works absolutely perfectly for what we're going for.

[Alek]

Oh man, I used to have that EXACT problem. And there is one solution to it. You have to push your comfort zone in that class, by a lot. Do things that you are too timid to do, and do them often (what ever it may be). The more you push your comfort zone in life, the more comfortable you will be.

Think of it as a roller coaster. The more faster, and more intense roller coasters you ride, the weaker the one before it seems.

What I highly recommend to you is, dress like a complete clown (even like a woman). Wear the fucking craziest things ever, a dress, anything and everything crazy. And go out somewhere, where no one knows who you are. And walk around, dance and sing. Next thing you'll know, is that youll be on top of the world in any given situation.

Best of luck bro

[sparkogre]

^Yeah, definitely, push your comfort level. One thing though: In my situation, the reason I had trouble with this "situational confidence" stuff is because I was really shy and awkward in 9th grade, so everybody just kind of assumed I was the same, and so I just did what I had always done. Whenever I met new people, I would be cool. If you have THAT kind of problem, then Hypnotica has this hypnosis track out called "Creating Alternatives" which is basically a solution to when you have established habits to certain situations/people.

[jaycp]

thanks, sparkogre, really helpful. Those really are the hardest situations: when youre in one of those clases with the people that have been in the same classes with you for 3 years and have certain expectations of you. Meeting new people is soooo much easier.