commonalities - hate vs love

[Keysersoze]

I realised something today... some of my most successful interations which have turned into relationships or friendships, whether it's been male or female have all got the same thing in common for me. the most successful ones have been built on a mutual hatred of something or someone... I met my best friend at a party whilst mocking a group of idiots who thought they were cool by hanging out alone together, I met my first girlfriend at a coffee shop whilst talking about how much we hated guys using lame pick up lines... and it reminded me of three things:

1. how in my politics class my teacher said how people become dissilusioned without a common enemy to fight against

2. how from an evolutionary psychological point of view we're tribal creatures who see everyone outside as enemies

3. how we have a larger emotional reaction to things we dislike than like...

so for me I think having mutual dislikes creates a stronger degree of comfort then having similarities however there's also the argument of turing an interaction negative where it just becomes two bitter people hating things together... so as with all things in pick up it's calibration... when I did this too much these people became aquaintances, not friends... because no one wants to be around someone who makes them feel bad... however as with C&F, when used subtely and sparcely it has created deep emotional bonds to people and attraction (with hatred usually comes humour around me)

so what do you guys think, do you think common dislikes can create a deeper connection with the people you interact with and be a positive or do you think it could ultimaitely be corrosive to your end goal and be of a negative influence...?

[Alek]

Yeah, I read this in a book or someplace. Having a common enemy, unites people. A lot of times, even if they didn't like each other before

[enigma]

We actually just studied this in my psychology class, and while it's true that having a common enemy unites people, the unity usually only lasts until the "enemy" has been defeated. In the study we read (Robbers Cave, Sherif), there were two competing groups (in a summer camp-like setting), and their competitive nature caused the two groups to clash. They found the best way to unite the groups and eliminate hostility was to give them a common goal to reach for. This is better than a common enemy because if there's an enemy, both of the groups are still showing violence, just not towards each other.

[Keysersoze]

brilliant point... so yea, maybe start with hate moving towards loves then... creating a wide range of emotions in her... attraction spike ;D =D