Post by Mandrake on Apr 24, 2009 18:07:56 GMT -5
Psych: I don’t get it man, how do you always have this energy to you. You seem to always just be ON, always “in state”. How do I always stay “in state”?
AFC Adam: Mate…there is no state.
This was a part of one of our many conversations but unfortunately I never got to follow up with the logical reply. “What the hell does that mean?!”
After every mediocre night, or when I was just feeling down when out doing anything, those words would ring in my head. “There is no state”. Finally I felt I understood and the rest of this article’s purpose is to explain my understanding. Whether it’s what he meant I have no idea though.
When we talk about getting in state we mean getting into the zone. That feeling of pure confidence and uncaring, where we can do no wrong and all anxiety leaves us. It’s where we can truly be ourselves and act exactly how we want, without self doubt. This is something we all desire and seem to achieve for brief moments in field after warming up or getting success.
The thing is though that this way of being, “in state”, is our natural place. We really don’t go “in state” we only leave it. This is the first real step to understanding this. Never try to get in state again…simply go back to your natural way of being. We use tactics for this such as acting upon our true desires and being congruent to it…such as opening direct or self amusement. By starting many conversations, and being talkative, it forces us to be in the moment and act according to our gut and not our head, or being “in state”.
However there is no state, being in state is simply being your true natural self. The thing that brings us out of it though is self doubt. By eliminating self doubt you will always be “in state”. Easier said then done though I know! The way to do this though is by taking on a high value “role” and staying in that role. This seems to go against the idea of when you’re in state you are your complete natural self though. The only answer I have for this is it’s one of those zen things in pick up. You’re completely yourself while taking on this new role.
A good example of this is the scene from 40yr old virgin where all he does is ask questions to the girl. While in that role, though without knowing exactly what to say other then a loose structure of ask questions, he is all of a sudden a badass. This eliminates all self doubt and lets you act completely natural in the moment, perform the role long enough and you start realizing that you’re no longer playing a role but that it’s now you.
We actually do this all the time in field and it’s when we see our greatest success. Examples of roles I’m sure most of you have done are…
-social experimenter
-”alpha male”
-self amuser
-role playing with the girl as anything
Along with any other role you’d like to try out!
I did a challenge for myself to “be in state” for an entire week. The longer I kept myself “in state” (if I noticed I was out of it I’d do something to go back in) the more I realized the truth of all this. Eventually I just “stopped caring” eliminating self doubt and living according to my new mental role.
You say you want to be natural and not live according to some role? The thing is that no matter what, you’re acting according to a role you place upon yourself. Only thing is that the role you act according to now is not working for you and you don’t like it. Instead simply take on the role of the “attractive man” and live up to it. The only other thing after this is to be open to social feedback and adjust the role accordingly.
For example you might take on that “attractive man” role but then become overbearing and never letting anyone else talk. By being open to social feedback you’ll eventually see this, or have someone point it out to you, and then you can adjust the role.
While the role can, and always will be, changing and growing it eliminates self doubt since you will always act according to your role. If you’re the “attractive man” role for example then opening a set is a nonissue since it’s part of that role. If you experience negative responses then this just goes back to being open to social feedback and adjusting the role, however the role itself does not change.
So how do you get started with this? First imagine your ideal self and all the characteristics that make him up. Experience how he sees the world, picture how he acts in different situations. Once you do this immediately just take on that role and keep it. If you have a hard time with this then imagine the coolest guy you know, whether it’s a friend, actor, or PUA guru. No matter what emotion you’re feeling also, feel that emotion in that role. This way whether you’re feeling down or low energy you’ll still act according to your ideal role and will still be free from self doubt…being “in state”.
Finally understand there’s a huge difference from being in a role, and thinking of the role. When you think of the role you try to break it down. You see a set and ask yourself “OK what would a guy in my role say here…damn I got nothing!”. This is because you’re not BEING the role. When you are being the role you will experience the feelings of it and act according to what feels natural or what you wish to do, even if it’s a canned routine. By thinking of what the role requires you to do, instead of just going off of what feels right while being in the role, you immediately put yourself in a self doubting situation, once again leaving state.
If you’re always the 10, the attractive man, the badass, the ideal self, or any other role in your mind then “state” is really no longer an issue. You realize there is no state…only your role.
----- Psych
AFC Adam: Mate…there is no state.
This was a part of one of our many conversations but unfortunately I never got to follow up with the logical reply. “What the hell does that mean?!”
After every mediocre night, or when I was just feeling down when out doing anything, those words would ring in my head. “There is no state”. Finally I felt I understood and the rest of this article’s purpose is to explain my understanding. Whether it’s what he meant I have no idea though.
When we talk about getting in state we mean getting into the zone. That feeling of pure confidence and uncaring, where we can do no wrong and all anxiety leaves us. It’s where we can truly be ourselves and act exactly how we want, without self doubt. This is something we all desire and seem to achieve for brief moments in field after warming up or getting success.
The thing is though that this way of being, “in state”, is our natural place. We really don’t go “in state” we only leave it. This is the first real step to understanding this. Never try to get in state again…simply go back to your natural way of being. We use tactics for this such as acting upon our true desires and being congruent to it…such as opening direct or self amusement. By starting many conversations, and being talkative, it forces us to be in the moment and act according to our gut and not our head, or being “in state”.
However there is no state, being in state is simply being your true natural self. The thing that brings us out of it though is self doubt. By eliminating self doubt you will always be “in state”. Easier said then done though I know! The way to do this though is by taking on a high value “role” and staying in that role. This seems to go against the idea of when you’re in state you are your complete natural self though. The only answer I have for this is it’s one of those zen things in pick up. You’re completely yourself while taking on this new role.
A good example of this is the scene from 40yr old virgin where all he does is ask questions to the girl. While in that role, though without knowing exactly what to say other then a loose structure of ask questions, he is all of a sudden a badass. This eliminates all self doubt and lets you act completely natural in the moment, perform the role long enough and you start realizing that you’re no longer playing a role but that it’s now you.
We actually do this all the time in field and it’s when we see our greatest success. Examples of roles I’m sure most of you have done are…
-social experimenter
-”alpha male”
-self amuser
-role playing with the girl as anything
Along with any other role you’d like to try out!
I did a challenge for myself to “be in state” for an entire week. The longer I kept myself “in state” (if I noticed I was out of it I’d do something to go back in) the more I realized the truth of all this. Eventually I just “stopped caring” eliminating self doubt and living according to my new mental role.
You say you want to be natural and not live according to some role? The thing is that no matter what, you’re acting according to a role you place upon yourself. Only thing is that the role you act according to now is not working for you and you don’t like it. Instead simply take on the role of the “attractive man” and live up to it. The only other thing after this is to be open to social feedback and adjust the role accordingly.
For example you might take on that “attractive man” role but then become overbearing and never letting anyone else talk. By being open to social feedback you’ll eventually see this, or have someone point it out to you, and then you can adjust the role.
While the role can, and always will be, changing and growing it eliminates self doubt since you will always act according to your role. If you’re the “attractive man” role for example then opening a set is a nonissue since it’s part of that role. If you experience negative responses then this just goes back to being open to social feedback and adjusting the role, however the role itself does not change.
So how do you get started with this? First imagine your ideal self and all the characteristics that make him up. Experience how he sees the world, picture how he acts in different situations. Once you do this immediately just take on that role and keep it. If you have a hard time with this then imagine the coolest guy you know, whether it’s a friend, actor, or PUA guru. No matter what emotion you’re feeling also, feel that emotion in that role. This way whether you’re feeling down or low energy you’ll still act according to your ideal role and will still be free from self doubt…being “in state”.
Finally understand there’s a huge difference from being in a role, and thinking of the role. When you think of the role you try to break it down. You see a set and ask yourself “OK what would a guy in my role say here…damn I got nothing!”. This is because you’re not BEING the role. When you are being the role you will experience the feelings of it and act according to what feels natural or what you wish to do, even if it’s a canned routine. By thinking of what the role requires you to do, instead of just going off of what feels right while being in the role, you immediately put yourself in a self doubting situation, once again leaving state.
If you’re always the 10, the attractive man, the badass, the ideal self, or any other role in your mind then “state” is really no longer an issue. You realize there is no state…only your role.
----- Psych
