Post by Mandrake on May 21, 2009 17:13:55 GMT -5
These are annotations and little notes I wrote down in December when I watched David DeAngelo's "On Being A Man". I'll be honest: even though it holds a warm place in my heart because it was one of the first PUA products I ever watched, it was pretty ambiguous and didn't actually teach the steps to "becoming a man." It used a lot of equivocal and undefined terms and didn't do a great job of explaining them. But I wrote down notes for myself anyway, to try to remember everything I had learnt from the program. At first, the notes sucked, but as I returned to them every few weeks or so, once I actually became better with women and could see the matrix and understand what he meant, I continued on from the notes and added my own thoughts and interpretations. Now it's long (understatement), but hopefully much much more worthwhile for you than my original notes.
So enjoy ;D
Some of the notes are direct transcriptions of what David D said many are just notes and freewrites I wrote for myself. I didn't expect to ever post this online when I wrote them, so parts will only make sense to me, but I still decided that you would all really love it and find it helpful if I posted it. Hopefully it will really help with your understanding of that elusive personality: the real Man.
NOTE: These are notes I wrote to myself. It's unedited, so if you see spelling and grammar mistakes just PM me.
NOTE: Before we go any further, I should probably explain that I’ve deified the “Man” in my mind. He is not just any man, nor even any great man, but rather a combination of all great men into something even greater. There is a chance that it is impossible at this stage of human evolution for any man to become a Man, but we can keep trying, and we can keep coming closer and closer, if only we put our minds to it.
Without further ado...
Mandrake's Notes on David D's On Being A Man
PART ONE
1. Introduction
Being a man (inner game) is the FOUNDATION of all the other David DeAngelo (who will now be referred to as DD) products
2. The Boy Must Die
Make a clear picture of what results you want/how you want to be.
3. Being A Man
What is a man? Strong, decisive, mature, cool, in control, shouldn't be weak, (add more when you think of them)
4. A Burning Desire
It seems as though there is an invisible barrier blocking the path to manhood, which is magnified by the inability to attract women.
Wouldn't be great if you didn't have to be fake (i.e. buying things for them, complimenting them, etc.)? If you could be content being yourself around women? If you could be an attractive version of yourself?
We're talking about the deeper meaning of the word 'man'. Not the definition of 'man' specified by age alone.
Techniques are training wheels. Use them only at the beginning. Make sure you consciously attempt to internalize NLP, SS, being a Man, C & F, etc.
5. Critical Missing Elements
We aren't told how to become a man by society. Here's the elements:
-we didn't have a father around so we had to be the man and raise ourselves
-we were emasculated by overbearing fathers
-we were spoiled by well-intentioned mothers
-had no process of 'initiation' at that critical time
-we went through 'pseudo-initiations' like sports, boot-camps, gangs, and fraternities
-we made it into adulthood, alone, missing a critical set of elements...with no map or hints to find them
These elements are a few of those that make a man without manhood. And women can instantly spot out men who aren't really men.
6. Neoteny & Maturity
Neoteny is the "retaining of juvenile features into manhood"
A man remains a boy not because he does not want to become a man. It is because they have not been initiated into the structures of manhood.
Most mammals are less helpless at birth. You see on the discovery channel newborn buffalo walking around and running within minutes of birth.
We have a very odd societal definition of manhood. A man in highschool is the man who fits the physical stereotypes and aggressively ridicules his opponents for the position of the alpha male by shooting them down with insults until the point when they have brought everyone else down to a level that is below them. This is not a healthy social structure.
Males tend to believe that anything bad comes from luck and anything good comes from something inside and from our own skill. This is scientifically proven. This is VERY powerful to understand because if you act COUNTER-INTUITIVELY and attribute the good to luck and to the bad, say "it was my fault. I'll figure out how to better next time and work harder," you will gain HUMILITY and RESPECT.
7. The Boy Must Die Pt II
The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live. It is a total transformation with no return. The caterpillar can become the butterfly but the butterfly cannot become the caterpillar.
We seek initiation into adult rites, spirituality, and responsibilities. We crave a deeper consciousness, a less confuse identity, because we want one with more structure.
8. Man Psychology
1.Where am I not being authentic?
2.Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself? If you don't trust yourself you'll have a hard time trusting others
3.What are you hiding from yourself and from the world?
4.WHY?:
What does it mean to become a man?
One definition: stoic, strong, sexy, courageous, independent, beneficient, Protector, Provider, Procreator
9. The Initiation Process
Primitive cultures practiced initiation rites that boys must pass through before becoming a man. In some African tribes, this was the slaying of a lion, in Judaism, it is the Bar Mitzvah. It seems that a formal transition into manhood must be assisted by older men and the transition is perverted when no ritual is present. The boy who grows up but isn't initiated into manhood often winds up living a life fighting childhood demons rather than continually developing into a fulfilled, full-fledged man.
10. The Men's Movement
Feminism is naturally masculine women telling women to be more masculine. The Men's Movement is naturally feminine men telling men to be more feminine.
Homophobia is the hatred of feminine qualities in men.
Misogyny is the hatred of feminine qualities in women.
If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, how you your life change? How would you react? Is that what you would want for yourself?
Carl Jung: Anima vs Animus
All humans have some presence of the opposite sex within them. If you repress it rather than integrating it, it will return to haunt you. When you integrate you, it is still a part of you, but you are able to transcend it and it is unable to dominate you.
Read Sir Thomas More's To Be a Man
11. Women That Piss You Off
It's okay to be pissed off at those women who go around with t-shirts that say "Bitch" but not okay to be pissed off at women because they rejected you or you think they are too good for you.
12. Attracting Women
The BOY that CAN"T attract women avoids and represses the fact, doesn't confront it because it's too scary. He has a low self-esteem, depression, and the self-image of "loser".
The BOY that CAN attract women has spoiled behaviour, is a cheater, a manipulator, arrogant, and a tyrant.
The MAN that CAN't attract women feels as though he is less than other men, has a deep grief that he usually won't address and can be characterized by the phrase: "I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes."
The MAN that CAN attract women has STRENGTH, is a PROTECTOR, a LEADER, MENTOR TO OTHER MEN, SOURCE OF GROUNDING ENERGY, and LIVING HIS PURPOSE.
There are people who are stuck, who can't go anywhere because they want to go away from what they don't want. Then there are those who go towards what they want. These are the successful men. Then there are those who move with the crowds, don't go against the grain. They go with the flow and don't create any waves of their own. Then there are those who go against the crowd. These are warriors and iconoclasts. Some of these descriptions can overlap. Galileo went towards what he wanted even though it was against the crowd.
13. Getting Approval
List the things that you do subtly to try to get attention and approval from others? The things that you think no one notices.
Now admit to yourself why and how these things are unhealthful. Just admit it. Then allow yourself to become a self-sufficient man.
Do you have the "Disease to Please"? DD says that this is a psychological problem. When you do a lot for somebody and then get mad at them for not appreciating it. [ I had this for a while, still do with one of my sisters]
14. Interacting With Other Men
A man can comfortably interact with other men.
Most men don't have healthy or healthful relationships with their father. Just look at Mystery or DD.
15. Know Your Path (and STAY on it)
Read and Highlight Dave Deida's
If you follow your heart purpose, you become complete and full. You are enjoying every moment with a high degree of intimacy.
PART TWO
1. Staying On Course (screenshot)
2. Critical Counter Intuitive (screenshot)
Think of all of the little things that are completely intuitive and begin looking at how you can change them to make them counter intuitive (e.g. the handshake interrupt)
Practice doing the right thing (not necessarily ethically the 'right' thing) so that you become programmed to start doing it.
In a contrived, rehearsed way, start (with a friend,) to find and list the negative little acts you do and the negative frames you allow and begin to think of ways to reframe each of these situations. Write it all down. Then each time you are in that situation you listed, use the method that you contrived until it is internalized.
3. Self-Improvement
A lot of people forget who they are and what makes them happy when they are on this 'new, ideal life' of PU. Write down three things you enjoy. Write the things you have forgotten. Then remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy. Then remember WHY you chose the path you're on. Get in touch with that 'WHY', that reason you got in in the first place (i.e. to get women, to feel validated, to become a 'man', NOT to compete to be the best PUA and throw your life out of control for the wrong reasons). List ten things you want. Then list the number on a scale of one to ten that that thing will improve your life. Then notice that the things with the greatest returns are not the material items you choose to buy, they are the things you simply do (e.g. in DD's case, spending more time with his best friends).
There is a difference between joy and enjoyment.
4. Take Personal Responsibility
–––for yourself, your thoughts, your situation
Learn to see how the choices you have made have led you to where you are. And don't take it too harshly, know that you will always be able to get out of where you are ––– that in fact, you always will get out of where you are, even if you don't want to.
Refuse to be a victim. There are no mistakes, no problems, no injustices, as long as you learn from whatever has happened (e.g. whenever you are in a rut, analyze how you got there and learn from it).
Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from you. Each day you wake up, say "This is your day. Don't let anyone take it from you."
5. Importance Of Dad
6. Sudden Success Syndrome
is the delusion that men (esp. those with sudden success,) who have things like money, power, and women, should give a guy enough that he should never be allowed to complain about anything. E.g the rich man: "Whoa, life's rough." the poor man: "How would YOU know? We think that the solution that would make us happy is the solution that would make men happy. This is unrealistic and immature. Success never solves INNER problems when alone. Think of the rock star who gets as many women as he wants, then goes on suicidal rampages and drug overdoses. Success in one area of life is not compensation to the other areas of life. Additionally, the change success brings is very painful and dangerous, it is just much less obvious than the change failure brings. This is why you need inner game.
7. Your Inner World
Think about a kid from your childhood who you really liked, and one you didn't like. Think about what you liked in your dad and what you didn't like. Think of what you admire in men right now, and what you hate. Now think about what you love about women, and what you hate. Write it all down. Carl Jung called these projections. These are the things is you. The things you said you hated are the dark side of you or holes that you are trying to fill. You're projecting it onto them. All those good things, these are parts of you, you just need to be aware of them, and make them part of your everyday life rather than deep within you.
7.5 Circle of Male Development
Men give away their power to women in order to seek approval even though women don't want men to give their power away, at least not on the inside. They want a mentally strong man, who has his power. The men who keep their power attract women. Interestingly, once a man learns how to keep his power, he does not want the same type of woman whom he wanted before.
8. Levels Of Energy
Think of these different levels: an ignition switch, a starter, a motor, and a car. If the key is broken, then you cannot take advantage of the power of the starter, and thus cannot take advantage of the power of the motor and car. All that power becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key. The 4,000 pounds of metal become useless because you can't find the 4 ounce piece of metal. Leverage points like this exist in humanity. Most people try to work on the car when there's a problem, but they don't look to see if the problem is at a different level. The "energy" that powers the archetypal structures may be far lower than the energy that powers a muscle, but think of the leverage difference.
9. A Look at Power
Where is our own personal power based?
Is your competition with other men based in a powerful, masculine, secure maturity....or is it based in weak, insecure, overcompensating immaturity?
Do you respect mature, adult men and treat them as worthy allies and adversaries or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority or inferiority? (Both are bad)
Is your ability to persuade based on whining, tyranny, begging, or tantrums ...or is it based on credibility, authenticity, and wisdom?
Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?
9.5 Questions About Your Father
What have you not communicated to your father that you needed to let him know?
What have you not admitted?
What have you not said?
What has he not said to you that you've needed to hear?
What have you always wanted to hear from him?
What have you hated hearing from him?
10. Grief is the Doorway to Feeling
In other words, to connect to your true feelings, you'll probably need to allow yourself to feel grief first.Men are taught to act tough and not show their feeling. The archetypal 'manly man' is a stoic. When men allow themselves to feel grief, then they can experience all the deeper emotions and begin the process of rebuilding correctly from the bottom up.
11. Emotional Imprints
12. Challenges In Life
13. Individuation
14. More Personal
As you mature, you will learn the same things, but take different lessons from them. You will read a book and derive a completely different meaning. Maybe not completely.
The more personal something is to you, the more universal it probably is. Realize that each of your insecurities is common, then be transparent...it's very liberating. Have no insecurities with the faith that you are not alone. Remember: "the more personal, the more universal".
Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you can appreciate more than anyone. Be proud of who you are.
15. Language Of Manhood
Deserve: If you don't think you deserve to be with many women, you won't be with many women. Don't think you deserve it because of all the injustices that have befallen you. Think you deserve it because you want it and you're willing to do the work to go get it.
16. Certainty
No maybes. Be certain. About where you are in life. About where you are going. About how you are going to get there. Certainty that you're honest and authentic and transparent. Certainty that she will sleep with you, and it WILL be the best night she's ever had. Don't make anything up, but be certain. Speak with conviction. Have certainty in all areas.
PART THREE
1. Feature Your Insecurities Til You're Over Them
Practice making cocky jokes about them when you first meet a woman and are flirting. E.g. "This is never going to work out, you're not good at arguing, and I overcompensate for being to short by acting arrogant...so we'd always argue, and I'd always win." If you have something you can't fix, feature it. E.g. Avis: "We're only #2 so we try harder."
When Women Do Things Without You
Don't get jealous, mad or sad. If she's going to a concert with a friend, say: "Wow, you're so lucky." Don't go: "...oh..." or "Can I come?"
Instead, cultivate the ability to enjoy things on your own.
It's mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences without you. To encourage THEM to be independent. The other side of the coin is knowing that you can enjoy your life without needing others to validate your enjoyment. Get over the feeling of loss when people do things without you that are enjoyable.
More:
Acting based on what you think she'd think if she knew what you were thinking is a MISTAKE. Men tend to think that if a woman knew their thoughts that they'd get kicked in the nuts. This screws their whole game up. Pull a David X: Girl with push-up bra and low cut shirt/dress "What are YOU looking at?" David X "I'm lookin' at your TITS."
"Seek first to understand, then be understood." If you just say "I understand," you actually break rapport because usually you don't really "understand" and they know this.
2. Clarity
Be clear and lucid. No "umm"s "ahh"s and "like"s. Speak clearly and intelligently. More importantly, think clearly. Don't let the fog get into your head, even when it's all around you.
3. Maturity vs. Pretending
Forethought vs. Manipulation
"A sign of a mature man is forethought" ––– Aristotle
Part of maturity is thinking of future events all the way through with discipline...instead of guessing, wishing and leaving things to luck. When you've thought scenarios through, you can move forward with strength and confidece, knowing that you've planned for most of what could happen, and the odds are on your side. By doing this, you free up your mind and can deal with the odd exceptions when they arise. (NOTE: For good forethought, you need good understanding) With women, a mature man has though through all the possible situations and acts accordingly, naturally, and calmly. The immature Boy-Man thinks he's done this, but he hasn't. The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate, and only lives for the moment and for instant gratification.
The TEST you can APPLY at any time is simple: Ask yourself if what you're doing feels manipulative, sneaky, or dishonest in any way. If it does, then you're allowing the Boy-Man inside of you to run things...which will ultimately lead to a feeling of less fulfillment, not more. If the feeling inside of you is one of strength, authenticity, and wanting to add to your woman's life experience and joy, then you're on THE RIGHT TRACK. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't use patterns and canned kiss closes and so on to get past sticking points but if you begin to rely on them completely and you let them BECOME PART YOUR IDENTITY, then it becomes unhealthy because you're letting the Boy-Man use his manipulation for instant gratification rather than long term happiness.
From Hero's Journey:
Once you go out and leave on your journey, there is also the part of the story where you return and share you knowledge and journey's tales. This multiplies the feeling of fulfillment: returning to help your brethren.
4. Becoming A Man Means Giving Up:
-Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention
-Correcting people because you need to feel important (if you correct someone, do it for THEIR learning, not for YOUR ego.)
-Disagreeing with people to show your superiority
-Being a "know it all" so that people will give you approval
-Saying and doing things to win attention and approval, not add value and genuinely help a situation
-Never brag for validation from others...just never brag
These are all from the Boy-Man inside. You must give them up COMPLETELY. 100%.
If you do something you notice is whiny or bitchy, say: "Wow. I was just whining like a little bitch." Saying that in a funny way will gain you respect, mainly from men.
5. Keep Death In Mind Daily
Overcome your fear of death, and fear of pain leading to death. These fears are strong in our bodies because thousands of years ago they helped us avoid situations that might have actually caused death. Today, almost all those things are gone, so we can USE the thought of death to enjoy LIFE more. Become aware of your IMMINENT DEATH. Know that time is your most limited resource and make the most of what little time you are given.
You can also fear what will happen AFTER DEATH, but the truth, however painful it may be, is that you will never know until then, until your life is over.
When you overcome all the fears related to death, you have proven to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in life. But the level PAST overcoming your fear of death is the level that embraces the reality of death, becoming familiar with the thought of it without any fear. Know that is a part of life. That it is inevitable. That you are not alone in death. You can address your issues around it, and use it as a method for happiness. The code of samurai states the many benefits of keeping death in mind at all time
6. Why Death?
Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value. In order to do these, we need a reference point to start with. Every meaning and value is relative to something else. When you conquer your fear of death, and keep it in the forefront of your mind, it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything. When compared against death, the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift....the meaning of anything becomes positive, and every aspect of life leads to gratitude. On the other hand, with life as your context, death becomes a repressed fear haunting your nights and dreams.
The belief of heaven, the belief that you and your friends and your family will all be together again after death, can be extremely comforting, whether it is true or not.
Live Now, Don't Put it Off:
DON'T WASTE TIME
DO THINGS THAT GET YOU INTO YOUR BODY, NOT IN YOUR MIND
7. Most Men Weren't Happy Single First
They did not enter a relationship from a place where they were content being single and alone, PREFERRING not to be with a woman. Had they done this, they could have CHOSEN to enter the relationship, rather than escaping into a relationship.
From Hero's Journey:
To become a son one must first become a prodigal, leave solo and enter another country, another land. Alienation before reconciliation. There can be no homecoming without leave taking.
Build a Happy Single Life:
Most men: unhappy alone --> find a woman to cling to --> hold on too tightly, give away power, destroy the attraction in a relationship
Switch to: Build a happy single life --> Prefer and choose to be single --. Choose a relationship --> Choose a marriage or long-term relationship
Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time for a relationship. Build a life you love. Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that it almost becomes a difficult task fitting a woman/long-term relationship in. Enter a relationship to improve an already great life, not to be your life. In a relationship, build a personal life of your own, so you can enjoy life all the time, and so that you can be at your best with your mate. When you make your life the other person, it becomes an emotional blanket, causing claustrophobia --- you need to be a whole without them.
8. Outward Signs Of a Real Man
Elements of a Healthy, Masculine Self-Image
-Self Concept
-Self Assurance (when you need to be assured of things, you go to yourself, not others --- speak to yourself)
-Self Interest
-Self Comfort (can you comfort yourself when situations are intense? Where's your grace under pressure?)
Signs:
Comfort in the presence of:
-Class, style, refinement
-beautiful women
-power and high-status people
-paradox and uncertainty
Composure in the face of:
-Competition from other men
-Loss or setback (they're part of life)
-Conflict or drama
-Tests from women
Clear path, values, boundaries when dealing with:
-Other influential persons (e.g. treat your boss with respect, but don't treat him as if he owns you)
-Women they're dating (i.e. keep your values and ethics strong)
-Other men (i.e. keep your values, no tyranny in the house of David D)
-Your own life
Exercise: Ask Yourself?
What makes you uncomfortable? Write down three things. Where do I lose composure in life? Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path, values and boundaries? Write it all down.
9. Seven Virtues + Vices
Ponder these:
-Love/Envy
-Temperance (balanced, controlled)/Gluttony
-Humility/Pride
-Patience/Anger
-Justice/Greed
-Faith/Lust
-Fortitude/Sloth
Your unique combination of these make up your CHARACTER.
THE QUALITIES OF MALE MATURITY:
-A balanced perspective
-An attitude of non-judgment
-An understanding that everyone has a positive intention
-A powerful sense of self
-An air of stability...the deep root, strong and sturdy foundation
-TRUSTWORTHINESS/CREDIBILITY
10. Breeding Distrust
Don't...
11. Double Identity
Many young women have double identities. They have the good girl and the bad girl, and sometimes men are trapped into only seeing one of these sides. A mark of a mature man is to be able to see that there are different sides to a woman and having the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she is. Incidentally, this does not imply that a man must "tolerate" or "accept" second-class behaviour, low morals, or poor ethics from a woman. Men tend to see woman as angels, but don't see the bad.
Some of the mPUAs know to look for specific little indicators that these HB10 "angels" were once strippers, or hookers, or acted in porn, etc. The ones that were once very 'bad' will certainly still be bad or pretend that they never were bad. Under that logic, it seems rational to state that many of the women who seem like angels are the ones with the DARKEST parts of them, in comparison to most other women.
12. Renaissance Man
-Women complain that there are none left
-it embodies the concept of actualizing all the different dormant potentials in every man
-it implies that being a master of many different areas of life (physical, logical, emotional, artistic) ...as well as a habit of learning one thing after another, on a lifelong quest of self-actualization, improvement, and enjoyment.
-Areas to develop include art, psychology, science (watch the Teaching company's "Physics in Your Life" DVDs and remember what you learned), music, philosophy, writing, performance, dancing, (keep writing more as you think of them)
13. Clues You're Dealing With A Real Man
-An air of approachableness
-A "never let them see you sweat" attitude
-An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and behaviour from others
-Mentor to younger men (start mentoring younger men)
-Pillar of strength and security in self and values
-Defender and protector of those less able to defend and protect themselves
-Encourager and challenger of those not living up to their potential
The real Maximus (from Gladiator) in history had self mastery, led men, had a steadiness of purpose, gravity with charm, did any task without making a fuss. What he said was what he thought. Nothing surprised or frightened him. He never seemed to be in a hurry but was never slow to accomplish something. He was neither intimidated and embarrassed nor aggressive and suspicious. So giving, forgiving and loyal, was he that his virtues seemed to be inborn rather than acquired. It is unimaginable that, any men felt superior or inferior to him
14. External Qualities
-Mysterious Confidence (comes from within but mysterious because people can't understand how you can be that cool all the time, it makes them want to know more about you)
-Humour (a tool of great power. e.g. to purposely create sexual tension and then break it with humour)
-Wit (intelligent, snappy, focused version of humour)
-Charm (pleasing personality and warmth, a great voice helps too)
-Sophistication (reading the classics, knowing the names of movie directors, understanding many arts such as film and theatre and philosophy.....I.E. high degree of CULTURAL LITERACY) ( <--- A sign of maturity, though not always a necessary one)
-Leadership (learn leadership - there are a ton of books on leadership and many of them are fantastic)
-Class (sign of maturity) (e.g. walk away from a bad business deal with a handshake) (e.g. speaking well of people in public even if you think they're a jackass who did something terrible --- there are exceptions to this, such as Hitler, and also you must be careful to not let people walk all over you just because they know you have to much class to tell someone. Also, you should be very careful that it's not out of fear that there will be bad consequences if you speak badly of someone. )
-Chivalry (the THEATRE/ unspoken roleplay of you being the KNIGHT and her, the DAMSEL) (+ little things e.g. opening the doors for her, pulling out chairs for her)
-Style (real style is about developing your own style, not the common "style is taking someone else's attire to cover up parts of your personality)
-Smoothness/Grace (polish off the rough edges of your mannerisms and general personality)
-Comfort (in ANY situation)
-Composure (in ANY situation)
15. Elements Of Cool
Cool implies a temperature between warm and cold...which, when applied to personality or attitude, implies neither coming on too strong, nor being overly stand-offish. A "cool" person isn't too excited about anything, isn't too affected by anything, isn't emotionally reactive, and has control of themselves.
Questions DD asks himself a lot?
-What is cool?
-What is square?
-How can I get one to understand the concepts of cool
-How can a square learn to be cool? What is the way? Remember: A cool person can interact normally with squares but squares cannot interact normally with a cool person.
These are good questions to ask on a regular basis during your development.
The Elements of "Cool" :
-Off-beat sense of humour
-Sense of style, music, food, culture
-Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others
-Not a "suit", a "square", a "cone-head", or a "nerd"
-Casual dress, the trendy but not TOO trendy thing
-Not obsessed with proper grammar...enjoys modern, hip words and slang terms (this is a big one)
-Calm confidence....can pose a little, but has that composure...
-Can make fun of themselves
-Doesn't act "above" others
-Independent and encourages independence in others (e.g. "Cool. Go have some fun.")
-Assumes a "cool" connection with others by leaning/nodding head back as a greeting, saying "hey", "what's up?", "what's goin' on?", or saying nothing at all, just a head nod, etc.
16. Sexual Confidence
Sexual Confidence is the key to being a "naturally attractive" man. It means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she will never forget. Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology - the physical, logical, and emotional aspects - knowing how to touch, how to kiss, how to create anticipation, how to pleasure, fully get pleasure, RAVISH. The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication. It literally colours everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use while talking. When you have it, women respond differently to you, see you differently, and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you. Make it a point to LEARN HOW TO BE AN INCREDIBLE LOVER, and cultivate Sexual Confidence.
People with sexual confidence realize that all banter is foreplay.
Every woman deserves to have one man in her life that she never forgets. And that man...is you.
PART FOUR
1. The Real Man:
-Accepts things as they are fully, no judgment - THEN sets out to change them
-Can show his sword without ever killing people/using it/needing to use it
-Doesn't need or use threats ––– Robert Bly
-Is the pillar of strength, security, and protection in every situation
-Allows, encourages, enjoys when other shine, win and progress
-Needs nothing external to be happy
Giving every part of yourself to a woman is stupid. Always keep at least one part of yourself "off-limits". Say, "I just need to set a boundary, ____________" Be the planet, not the star. Attract women into your orbit with your immense gravitational energy. When you become so solid that no woman can affect you, you affect them. It makes you authentic and transparent, making women feel your powerful, masculine energy. But it only works with perfected inner game.
In Jenna Jameson's How to Make Love Like a Pornstar, she explains how she was incredibly attracted to a biker guy and obsessed with him because she wanted to find the sensitive side she believed had to exist. It drove her crazy in love, and sent her on a wild goose chase into his soul, and transferred all of the power of the relationship dynamic into his hands.
2. Dr. Paul
Initiation --> Liminality --> Full Integration ---> Secrets of the Elders/Mature Masters
Suicide rate is far higher for males than female. Many believe because a poor father-son relationship is much worse than a poor mother-daughter relationship. You need men more mature than you to help you as guides in the process listed above.
Psychoanalysis and Religious Texts were once the only way to list principles of life. Enter Dr. Paul:
-Happiness (but sometimes a kid will be happy playing video games, but it seems like somethings missing)
-Success (golden handcuffs = wall street trader with no time to be happy)
-Freedom (a homeless person and divorced person are both free, but they're not happy or successful)
=====================
Durable Fulfillment (the culmination of the three)
To get there , we need high character...but how do we get character
Four parts of psychology:
Personal Boundary (mastery of this will make you 'durable')
-Emotional Energy
-Positive = Self Esteem (divided into masculine and feminine) (happiness)
-Ideas/Intellect (success)
-Decisiveness (-->wisdom-->freedom)
Don't think someone else needs to lose for you to win.
Death: "Be happy that it happened, not sad that it ended." ––– Dr. Seuss
LOOK AT THE MOVIE AGAIN....THIS PART CONTAINS TOO MANY COMPLICATED THEORIES TO UNDERSTAND WITHOUT THE DIAGRAMS AND EXPLANATIONS....
3. Happiness
4. Left Brain
5. Decisions
6. Questions
7. Three Questions
8. Final Thoughts
-Accepting responsibility
-Understand your intrinsic self-worth
-Join a team in which there are other more mature mentors
-Two Questions: Where am I going? Who will go with me? Don't mix up the order
-Be able to reprogram yourself, esp. to become more independent
-Honesty, Fidelity, Compassion, Empathy, Humility, but most of all a sense of wonderment for all that is right and good in the world
-He should not be trying to be an example because this will disturb his ethos and keep him from being such.
-Don't do. Be.
-Take full responsibility for your own destiny so that you may know where you are going. Do some soul searching and then write down your list of goals, your life timelines, and how you are going to achieve these things.
-True, honest, and ethical, not necessarily in accordance with the moral code of others, but ethical to a code that is true, just, and reasonable to you (protagonist should be like this, think of Philip Marlowe)
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GO OUT THERE AND GET A HUGE RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT YOU MADE THE MINUTE YOU STARTED WATCHING THE PROGRAM. USE THIS KNOWLEDGE EVERYDAY. SHARE THE RETURNS OF YOUR INVESTMENT WITH OTHERS BY TEACHING THEM EVERYTHING YOU'VE LEARNT ON YOUR JOURNEY TO MANHOOD.
Wow. That felt good to re-read. So helpful for my game. I hope that changed all of you for the better, and helped stimulate questions for you about what a Man is and how to rise above other men to become one.
And hit me with some feedback, it's always nice to hear if the post can be improved in any way
~Mandrake
PS. This is my first post as a staff member ;D
So enjoy ;D
Some of the notes are direct transcriptions of what David D said many are just notes and freewrites I wrote for myself. I didn't expect to ever post this online when I wrote them, so parts will only make sense to me, but I still decided that you would all really love it and find it helpful if I posted it. Hopefully it will really help with your understanding of that elusive personality: the real Man.
NOTE: These are notes I wrote to myself. It's unedited, so if you see spelling and grammar mistakes just PM me.
NOTE: Before we go any further, I should probably explain that I’ve deified the “Man” in my mind. He is not just any man, nor even any great man, but rather a combination of all great men into something even greater. There is a chance that it is impossible at this stage of human evolution for any man to become a Man, but we can keep trying, and we can keep coming closer and closer, if only we put our minds to it.
Without further ado...
Mandrake's Notes on David D's On Being A Man
PART ONE
1. Introduction
Being a man (inner game) is the FOUNDATION of all the other David DeAngelo (who will now be referred to as DD) products
2. The Boy Must Die
Make a clear picture of what results you want/how you want to be.
3. Being A Man
What is a man? Strong, decisive, mature, cool, in control, shouldn't be weak, (add more when you think of them)
4. A Burning Desire
It seems as though there is an invisible barrier blocking the path to manhood, which is magnified by the inability to attract women.
Wouldn't be great if you didn't have to be fake (i.e. buying things for them, complimenting them, etc.)? If you could be content being yourself around women? If you could be an attractive version of yourself?
We're talking about the deeper meaning of the word 'man'. Not the definition of 'man' specified by age alone.
Techniques are training wheels. Use them only at the beginning. Make sure you consciously attempt to internalize NLP, SS, being a Man, C & F, etc.
5. Critical Missing Elements
We aren't told how to become a man by society. Here's the elements:
-we didn't have a father around so we had to be the man and raise ourselves
-we were emasculated by overbearing fathers
-we were spoiled by well-intentioned mothers
-had no process of 'initiation' at that critical time
-we went through 'pseudo-initiations' like sports, boot-camps, gangs, and fraternities
-we made it into adulthood, alone, missing a critical set of elements...with no map or hints to find them
These elements are a few of those that make a man without manhood. And women can instantly spot out men who aren't really men.
6. Neoteny & Maturity
Neoteny is the "retaining of juvenile features into manhood"
A man remains a boy not because he does not want to become a man. It is because they have not been initiated into the structures of manhood.
Most mammals are less helpless at birth. You see on the discovery channel newborn buffalo walking around and running within minutes of birth.
We have a very odd societal definition of manhood. A man in highschool is the man who fits the physical stereotypes and aggressively ridicules his opponents for the position of the alpha male by shooting them down with insults until the point when they have brought everyone else down to a level that is below them. This is not a healthy social structure.
Males tend to believe that anything bad comes from luck and anything good comes from something inside and from our own skill. This is scientifically proven. This is VERY powerful to understand because if you act COUNTER-INTUITIVELY and attribute the good to luck and to the bad, say "it was my fault. I'll figure out how to better next time and work harder," you will gain HUMILITY and RESPECT.
7. The Boy Must Die Pt II
The caterpillar must die for the butterfly to live. It is a total transformation with no return. The caterpillar can become the butterfly but the butterfly cannot become the caterpillar.
We seek initiation into adult rites, spirituality, and responsibilities. We crave a deeper consciousness, a less confuse identity, because we want one with more structure.
8. Man Psychology
1.Where am I not being authentic?
2.Where are you not demonstrating integrity to yourself? If you don't trust yourself you'll have a hard time trusting others
3.What are you hiding from yourself and from the world?
4.WHY?:
What does it mean to become a man?
One definition: stoic, strong, sexy, courageous, independent, beneficient, Protector, Provider, Procreator
9. The Initiation Process
Primitive cultures practiced initiation rites that boys must pass through before becoming a man. In some African tribes, this was the slaying of a lion, in Judaism, it is the Bar Mitzvah. It seems that a formal transition into manhood must be assisted by older men and the transition is perverted when no ritual is present. The boy who grows up but isn't initiated into manhood often winds up living a life fighting childhood demons rather than continually developing into a fulfilled, full-fledged man.
10. The Men's Movement
Feminism is naturally masculine women telling women to be more masculine. The Men's Movement is naturally feminine men telling men to be more feminine.
Homophobia is the hatred of feminine qualities in men.
Misogyny is the hatred of feminine qualities in women.
If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, how you your life change? How would you react? Is that what you would want for yourself?
Carl Jung: Anima vs Animus
All humans have some presence of the opposite sex within them. If you repress it rather than integrating it, it will return to haunt you. When you integrate you, it is still a part of you, but you are able to transcend it and it is unable to dominate you.
Read Sir Thomas More's To Be a Man
11. Women That Piss You Off
It's okay to be pissed off at those women who go around with t-shirts that say "Bitch" but not okay to be pissed off at women because they rejected you or you think they are too good for you.
12. Attracting Women
The BOY that CAN"T attract women avoids and represses the fact, doesn't confront it because it's too scary. He has a low self-esteem, depression, and the self-image of "loser".
The BOY that CAN attract women has spoiled behaviour, is a cheater, a manipulator, arrogant, and a tyrant.
The MAN that CAN't attract women feels as though he is less than other men, has a deep grief that he usually won't address and can be characterized by the phrase: "I am a failure at one of my basic intrinsic purposes."
The MAN that CAN attract women has STRENGTH, is a PROTECTOR, a LEADER, MENTOR TO OTHER MEN, SOURCE OF GROUNDING ENERGY, and LIVING HIS PURPOSE.
There are people who are stuck, who can't go anywhere because they want to go away from what they don't want. Then there are those who go towards what they want. These are the successful men. Then there are those who move with the crowds, don't go against the grain. They go with the flow and don't create any waves of their own. Then there are those who go against the crowd. These are warriors and iconoclasts. Some of these descriptions can overlap. Galileo went towards what he wanted even though it was against the crowd.
13. Getting Approval
List the things that you do subtly to try to get attention and approval from others? The things that you think no one notices.
Now admit to yourself why and how these things are unhealthful. Just admit it. Then allow yourself to become a self-sufficient man.
Do you have the "Disease to Please"? DD says that this is a psychological problem. When you do a lot for somebody and then get mad at them for not appreciating it. [ I had this for a while, still do with one of my sisters]
14. Interacting With Other Men
A man can comfortably interact with other men.
Most men don't have healthy or healthful relationships with their father. Just look at Mystery or DD.
15. Know Your Path (and STAY on it)
Read and Highlight Dave Deida's
If you follow your heart purpose, you become complete and full. You are enjoying every moment with a high degree of intimacy.
PART TWO
1. Staying On Course (screenshot)
2. Critical Counter Intuitive (screenshot)
Think of all of the little things that are completely intuitive and begin looking at how you can change them to make them counter intuitive (e.g. the handshake interrupt)
Practice doing the right thing (not necessarily ethically the 'right' thing) so that you become programmed to start doing it.
In a contrived, rehearsed way, start (with a friend,) to find and list the negative little acts you do and the negative frames you allow and begin to think of ways to reframe each of these situations. Write it all down. Then each time you are in that situation you listed, use the method that you contrived until it is internalized.
3. Self-Improvement
A lot of people forget who they are and what makes them happy when they are on this 'new, ideal life' of PU. Write down three things you enjoy. Write the things you have forgotten. Then remember how to enjoy the things you enjoy. Then remember WHY you chose the path you're on. Get in touch with that 'WHY', that reason you got in in the first place (i.e. to get women, to feel validated, to become a 'man', NOT to compete to be the best PUA and throw your life out of control for the wrong reasons). List ten things you want. Then list the number on a scale of one to ten that that thing will improve your life. Then notice that the things with the greatest returns are not the material items you choose to buy, they are the things you simply do (e.g. in DD's case, spending more time with his best friends).
There is a difference between joy and enjoyment.
4. Take Personal Responsibility
–––for yourself, your thoughts, your situation
Learn to see how the choices you have made have led you to where you are. And don't take it too harshly, know that you will always be able to get out of where you are ––– that in fact, you always will get out of where you are, even if you don't want to.
Refuse to be a victim. There are no mistakes, no problems, no injustices, as long as you learn from whatever has happened (e.g. whenever you are in a rut, analyze how you got there and learn from it).
Refuse to give anyone the power to take your joy from you. Each day you wake up, say "This is your day. Don't let anyone take it from you."
5. Importance Of Dad
6. Sudden Success Syndrome
is the delusion that men (esp. those with sudden success,) who have things like money, power, and women, should give a guy enough that he should never be allowed to complain about anything. E.g the rich man: "Whoa, life's rough." the poor man: "How would YOU know? We think that the solution that would make us happy is the solution that would make men happy. This is unrealistic and immature. Success never solves INNER problems when alone. Think of the rock star who gets as many women as he wants, then goes on suicidal rampages and drug overdoses. Success in one area of life is not compensation to the other areas of life. Additionally, the change success brings is very painful and dangerous, it is just much less obvious than the change failure brings. This is why you need inner game.
7. Your Inner World
Think about a kid from your childhood who you really liked, and one you didn't like. Think about what you liked in your dad and what you didn't like. Think of what you admire in men right now, and what you hate. Now think about what you love about women, and what you hate. Write it all down. Carl Jung called these projections. These are the things is you. The things you said you hated are the dark side of you or holes that you are trying to fill. You're projecting it onto them. All those good things, these are parts of you, you just need to be aware of them, and make them part of your everyday life rather than deep within you.
7.5 Circle of Male Development
Men give away their power to women in order to seek approval even though women don't want men to give their power away, at least not on the inside. They want a mentally strong man, who has his power. The men who keep their power attract women. Interestingly, once a man learns how to keep his power, he does not want the same type of woman whom he wanted before.
8. Levels Of Energy
Think of these different levels: an ignition switch, a starter, a motor, and a car. If the key is broken, then you cannot take advantage of the power of the starter, and thus cannot take advantage of the power of the motor and car. All that power becomes inaccessible over something as small as a key. The 4,000 pounds of metal become useless because you can't find the 4 ounce piece of metal. Leverage points like this exist in humanity. Most people try to work on the car when there's a problem, but they don't look to see if the problem is at a different level. The "energy" that powers the archetypal structures may be far lower than the energy that powers a muscle, but think of the leverage difference.
9. A Look at Power
Where is our own personal power based?
Is your competition with other men based in a powerful, masculine, secure maturity....or is it based in weak, insecure, overcompensating immaturity?
Do you respect mature, adult men and treat them as worthy allies and adversaries or do you secretly harbor thoughts of superiority or inferiority? (Both are bad)
Is your ability to persuade based on whining, tyranny, begging, or tantrums ...or is it based on credibility, authenticity, and wisdom?
Is your personal power rooted in scarcity or abundance?
9.5 Questions About Your Father
What have you not communicated to your father that you needed to let him know?
What have you not admitted?
What have you not said?
What has he not said to you that you've needed to hear?
What have you always wanted to hear from him?
What have you hated hearing from him?
10. Grief is the Doorway to Feeling
In other words, to connect to your true feelings, you'll probably need to allow yourself to feel grief first.Men are taught to act tough and not show their feeling. The archetypal 'manly man' is a stoic. When men allow themselves to feel grief, then they can experience all the deeper emotions and begin the process of rebuilding correctly from the bottom up.
11. Emotional Imprints
12. Challenges In Life
13. Individuation
14. More Personal
As you mature, you will learn the same things, but take different lessons from them. You will read a book and derive a completely different meaning. Maybe not completely.
The more personal something is to you, the more universal it probably is. Realize that each of your insecurities is common, then be transparent...it's very liberating. Have no insecurities with the faith that you are not alone. Remember: "the more personal, the more universal".
Realize that your own individuality is a gift that you can appreciate more than anyone. Be proud of who you are.
15. Language Of Manhood
Deserve: If you don't think you deserve to be with many women, you won't be with many women. Don't think you deserve it because of all the injustices that have befallen you. Think you deserve it because you want it and you're willing to do the work to go get it.
16. Certainty
No maybes. Be certain. About where you are in life. About where you are going. About how you are going to get there. Certainty that you're honest and authentic and transparent. Certainty that she will sleep with you, and it WILL be the best night she's ever had. Don't make anything up, but be certain. Speak with conviction. Have certainty in all areas.
PART THREE
1. Feature Your Insecurities Til You're Over Them
Practice making cocky jokes about them when you first meet a woman and are flirting. E.g. "This is never going to work out, you're not good at arguing, and I overcompensate for being to short by acting arrogant...so we'd always argue, and I'd always win." If you have something you can't fix, feature it. E.g. Avis: "We're only #2 so we try harder."
When Women Do Things Without You
Don't get jealous, mad or sad. If she's going to a concert with a friend, say: "Wow, you're so lucky." Don't go: "...oh..." or "Can I come?"
Instead, cultivate the ability to enjoy things on your own.
It's mature to allow others to live their lives and enjoy experiences without you. To encourage THEM to be independent. The other side of the coin is knowing that you can enjoy your life without needing others to validate your enjoyment. Get over the feeling of loss when people do things without you that are enjoyable.
More:
Acting based on what you think she'd think if she knew what you were thinking is a MISTAKE. Men tend to think that if a woman knew their thoughts that they'd get kicked in the nuts. This screws their whole game up. Pull a David X: Girl with push-up bra and low cut shirt/dress "What are YOU looking at?" David X "I'm lookin' at your TITS."
"Seek first to understand, then be understood." If you just say "I understand," you actually break rapport because usually you don't really "understand" and they know this.
2. Clarity
Be clear and lucid. No "umm"s "ahh"s and "like"s. Speak clearly and intelligently. More importantly, think clearly. Don't let the fog get into your head, even when it's all around you.
3. Maturity vs. Pretending
Forethought vs. Manipulation
"A sign of a mature man is forethought" ––– Aristotle
Part of maturity is thinking of future events all the way through with discipline...instead of guessing, wishing and leaving things to luck. When you've thought scenarios through, you can move forward with strength and confidece, knowing that you've planned for most of what could happen, and the odds are on your side. By doing this, you free up your mind and can deal with the odd exceptions when they arise. (NOTE: For good forethought, you need good understanding) With women, a mature man has though through all the possible situations and acts accordingly, naturally, and calmly. The immature Boy-Man thinks he's done this, but he hasn't. The Boy-Man uses tricks and techniques to manipulate, and only lives for the moment and for instant gratification.
The TEST you can APPLY at any time is simple: Ask yourself if what you're doing feels manipulative, sneaky, or dishonest in any way. If it does, then you're allowing the Boy-Man inside of you to run things...which will ultimately lead to a feeling of less fulfillment, not more. If the feeling inside of you is one of strength, authenticity, and wanting to add to your woman's life experience and joy, then you're on THE RIGHT TRACK. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't use patterns and canned kiss closes and so on to get past sticking points but if you begin to rely on them completely and you let them BECOME PART YOUR IDENTITY, then it becomes unhealthy because you're letting the Boy-Man use his manipulation for instant gratification rather than long term happiness.
From Hero's Journey:
Once you go out and leave on your journey, there is also the part of the story where you return and share you knowledge and journey's tales. This multiplies the feeling of fulfillment: returning to help your brethren.
4. Becoming A Man Means Giving Up:
-Throwing emotional tantrums to get attention
-Correcting people because you need to feel important (if you correct someone, do it for THEIR learning, not for YOUR ego.)
-Disagreeing with people to show your superiority
-Being a "know it all" so that people will give you approval
-Saying and doing things to win attention and approval, not add value and genuinely help a situation
-Never brag for validation from others...just never brag
These are all from the Boy-Man inside. You must give them up COMPLETELY. 100%.
If you do something you notice is whiny or bitchy, say: "Wow. I was just whining like a little bitch." Saying that in a funny way will gain you respect, mainly from men.
5. Keep Death In Mind Daily
Overcome your fear of death, and fear of pain leading to death. These fears are strong in our bodies because thousands of years ago they helped us avoid situations that might have actually caused death. Today, almost all those things are gone, so we can USE the thought of death to enjoy LIFE more. Become aware of your IMMINENT DEATH. Know that time is your most limited resource and make the most of what little time you are given.
You can also fear what will happen AFTER DEATH, but the truth, however painful it may be, is that you will never know until then, until your life is over.
When you overcome all the fears related to death, you have proven to yourself that you can overcome the biggest fear in life. But the level PAST overcoming your fear of death is the level that embraces the reality of death, becoming familiar with the thought of it without any fear. Know that is a part of life. That it is inevitable. That you are not alone in death. You can address your issues around it, and use it as a method for happiness. The code of samurai states the many benefits of keeping death in mind at all time
6. Why Death?
Because humans primarily do two things with their minds: make meaning and ascribe value. In order to do these, we need a reference point to start with. Every meaning and value is relative to something else. When you conquer your fear of death, and keep it in the forefront of your mind, it gives you the ultimate context for considering everything. When compared against death, the most painful and uncomfortable situation becomes a gift....the meaning of anything becomes positive, and every aspect of life leads to gratitude. On the other hand, with life as your context, death becomes a repressed fear haunting your nights and dreams.
The belief of heaven, the belief that you and your friends and your family will all be together again after death, can be extremely comforting, whether it is true or not.
Live Now, Don't Put it Off:
DON'T WASTE TIME
DO THINGS THAT GET YOU INTO YOUR BODY, NOT IN YOUR MIND
7. Most Men Weren't Happy Single First
They did not enter a relationship from a place where they were content being single and alone, PREFERRING not to be with a woman. Had they done this, they could have CHOSEN to enter the relationship, rather than escaping into a relationship.
From Hero's Journey:
To become a son one must first become a prodigal, leave solo and enter another country, another land. Alienation before reconciliation. There can be no homecoming without leave taking.
Build a Happy Single Life:
Most men: unhappy alone --> find a woman to cling to --> hold on too tightly, give away power, destroy the attraction in a relationship
Switch to: Build a happy single life --> Prefer and choose to be single --. Choose a relationship --> Choose a marriage or long-term relationship
Make your single life so fantastic that you almost don't have time for a relationship. Build a life you love. Fill your life with so many things you enjoy that it almost becomes a difficult task fitting a woman/long-term relationship in. Enter a relationship to improve an already great life, not to be your life. In a relationship, build a personal life of your own, so you can enjoy life all the time, and so that you can be at your best with your mate. When you make your life the other person, it becomes an emotional blanket, causing claustrophobia --- you need to be a whole without them.
8. Outward Signs Of a Real Man
Elements of a Healthy, Masculine Self-Image
-Self Concept
-Self Assurance (when you need to be assured of things, you go to yourself, not others --- speak to yourself)
-Self Interest
-Self Comfort (can you comfort yourself when situations are intense? Where's your grace under pressure?)
Signs:
Comfort in the presence of:
-Class, style, refinement
-beautiful women
-power and high-status people
-paradox and uncertainty
Composure in the face of:
-Competition from other men
-Loss or setback (they're part of life)
-Conflict or drama
-Tests from women
Clear path, values, boundaries when dealing with:
-Other influential persons (e.g. treat your boss with respect, but don't treat him as if he owns you)
-Women they're dating (i.e. keep your values and ethics strong)
-Other men (i.e. keep your values, no tyranny in the house of David D)
-Your own life
Exercise: Ask Yourself?
What makes you uncomfortable? Write down three things. Where do I lose composure in life? Where do I reveal a lack of clarity in my path, values and boundaries? Write it all down.
9. Seven Virtues + Vices
Ponder these:
-Love/Envy
-Temperance (balanced, controlled)/Gluttony
-Humility/Pride
-Patience/Anger
-Justice/Greed
-Faith/Lust
-Fortitude/Sloth
Your unique combination of these make up your CHARACTER.
THE QUALITIES OF MALE MATURITY:
-A balanced perspective
-An attitude of non-judgment
-An understanding that everyone has a positive intention
-A powerful sense of self
-An air of stability...the deep root, strong and sturdy foundation
-TRUSTWORTHINESS/CREDIBILITY
10. Breeding Distrust
Don't...
11. Double Identity
Many young women have double identities. They have the good girl and the bad girl, and sometimes men are trapped into only seeing one of these sides. A mark of a mature man is to be able to see that there are different sides to a woman and having the ability to make a woman feel accepted for who she is. Incidentally, this does not imply that a man must "tolerate" or "accept" second-class behaviour, low morals, or poor ethics from a woman. Men tend to see woman as angels, but don't see the bad.
Some of the mPUAs know to look for specific little indicators that these HB10 "angels" were once strippers, or hookers, or acted in porn, etc. The ones that were once very 'bad' will certainly still be bad or pretend that they never were bad. Under that logic, it seems rational to state that many of the women who seem like angels are the ones with the DARKEST parts of them, in comparison to most other women.
12. Renaissance Man
-Women complain that there are none left
-it embodies the concept of actualizing all the different dormant potentials in every man
-it implies that being a master of many different areas of life (physical, logical, emotional, artistic) ...as well as a habit of learning one thing after another, on a lifelong quest of self-actualization, improvement, and enjoyment.
-Areas to develop include art, psychology, science (watch the Teaching company's "Physics in Your Life" DVDs and remember what you learned), music, philosophy, writing, performance, dancing, (keep writing more as you think of them)
13. Clues You're Dealing With A Real Man
-An air of approachableness
-A "never let them see you sweat" attitude
-An unwillingness to accept second class thinking and behaviour from others
-Mentor to younger men (start mentoring younger men)
-Pillar of strength and security in self and values
-Defender and protector of those less able to defend and protect themselves
-Encourager and challenger of those not living up to their potential
The real Maximus (from Gladiator) in history had self mastery, led men, had a steadiness of purpose, gravity with charm, did any task without making a fuss. What he said was what he thought. Nothing surprised or frightened him. He never seemed to be in a hurry but was never slow to accomplish something. He was neither intimidated and embarrassed nor aggressive and suspicious. So giving, forgiving and loyal, was he that his virtues seemed to be inborn rather than acquired. It is unimaginable that, any men felt superior or inferior to him
14. External Qualities
-Mysterious Confidence (comes from within but mysterious because people can't understand how you can be that cool all the time, it makes them want to know more about you)
-Humour (a tool of great power. e.g. to purposely create sexual tension and then break it with humour)
-Wit (intelligent, snappy, focused version of humour)
-Charm (pleasing personality and warmth, a great voice helps too)
-Sophistication (reading the classics, knowing the names of movie directors, understanding many arts such as film and theatre and philosophy.....I.E. high degree of CULTURAL LITERACY) ( <--- A sign of maturity, though not always a necessary one)
-Leadership (learn leadership - there are a ton of books on leadership and many of them are fantastic)
-Class (sign of maturity) (e.g. walk away from a bad business deal with a handshake) (e.g. speaking well of people in public even if you think they're a jackass who did something terrible --- there are exceptions to this, such as Hitler, and also you must be careful to not let people walk all over you just because they know you have to much class to tell someone. Also, you should be very careful that it's not out of fear that there will be bad consequences if you speak badly of someone. )
-Chivalry (the THEATRE/ unspoken roleplay of you being the KNIGHT and her, the DAMSEL) (+ little things e.g. opening the doors for her, pulling out chairs for her)
-Style (real style is about developing your own style, not the common "style is taking someone else's attire to cover up parts of your personality)
-Smoothness/Grace (polish off the rough edges of your mannerisms and general personality)
-Comfort (in ANY situation)
-Composure (in ANY situation)
15. Elements Of Cool
Cool implies a temperature between warm and cold...which, when applied to personality or attitude, implies neither coming on too strong, nor being overly stand-offish. A "cool" person isn't too excited about anything, isn't too affected by anything, isn't emotionally reactive, and has control of themselves.
Questions DD asks himself a lot?
-What is cool?
-What is square?
-How can I get one to understand the concepts of cool
-How can a square learn to be cool? What is the way? Remember: A cool person can interact normally with squares but squares cannot interact normally with a cool person.
These are good questions to ask on a regular basis during your development.
The Elements of "Cool" :
-Off-beat sense of humour
-Sense of style, music, food, culture
-Laid back and unaffected by the opinions of others
-Not a "suit", a "square", a "cone-head", or a "nerd"
-Casual dress, the trendy but not TOO trendy thing
-Not obsessed with proper grammar...enjoys modern, hip words and slang terms (this is a big one)
-Calm confidence....can pose a little, but has that composure...
-Can make fun of themselves
-Doesn't act "above" others
-Independent and encourages independence in others (e.g. "Cool. Go have some fun.")
-Assumes a "cool" connection with others by leaning/nodding head back as a greeting, saying "hey", "what's up?", "what's goin' on?", or saying nothing at all, just a head nod, etc.
16. Sexual Confidence
Sexual Confidence is the key to being a "naturally attractive" man. It means knowing that a woman will have an experience with you that she will never forget. Sexual confidence comes from understanding the psychology and physiology - the physical, logical, and emotional aspects - knowing how to touch, how to kiss, how to create anticipation, how to pleasure, fully get pleasure, RAVISH. The key is that an inner sexual confidence that comes from knowing you can blow a woman's mind in bed affects ALL of your communication. It literally colours everything from the way you hold yourself to the way you look at a woman to the words you use while talking. When you have it, women respond differently to you, see you differently, and often become somewhat anxious and excited about you. Make it a point to LEARN HOW TO BE AN INCREDIBLE LOVER, and cultivate Sexual Confidence.
People with sexual confidence realize that all banter is foreplay.
Every woman deserves to have one man in her life that she never forgets. And that man...is you.
PART FOUR
1. The Real Man:
-Accepts things as they are fully, no judgment - THEN sets out to change them
-Can show his sword without ever killing people/using it/needing to use it
-Doesn't need or use threats ––– Robert Bly
-Is the pillar of strength, security, and protection in every situation
-Allows, encourages, enjoys when other shine, win and progress
-Needs nothing external to be happy
Giving every part of yourself to a woman is stupid. Always keep at least one part of yourself "off-limits". Say, "I just need to set a boundary, ____________" Be the planet, not the star. Attract women into your orbit with your immense gravitational energy. When you become so solid that no woman can affect you, you affect them. It makes you authentic and transparent, making women feel your powerful, masculine energy. But it only works with perfected inner game.
In Jenna Jameson's How to Make Love Like a Pornstar, she explains how she was incredibly attracted to a biker guy and obsessed with him because she wanted to find the sensitive side she believed had to exist. It drove her crazy in love, and sent her on a wild goose chase into his soul, and transferred all of the power of the relationship dynamic into his hands.
2. Dr. Paul
Initiation --> Liminality --> Full Integration ---> Secrets of the Elders/Mature Masters
Suicide rate is far higher for males than female. Many believe because a poor father-son relationship is much worse than a poor mother-daughter relationship. You need men more mature than you to help you as guides in the process listed above.
Psychoanalysis and Religious Texts were once the only way to list principles of life. Enter Dr. Paul:
-Happiness (but sometimes a kid will be happy playing video games, but it seems like somethings missing)
-Success (golden handcuffs = wall street trader with no time to be happy)
-Freedom (a homeless person and divorced person are both free, but they're not happy or successful)
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Durable Fulfillment (the culmination of the three)
To get there , we need high character...but how do we get character
Four parts of psychology:
Personal Boundary (mastery of this will make you 'durable')
-Emotional Energy
-Positive = Self Esteem (divided into masculine and feminine) (happiness)
-Ideas/Intellect (success)
-Decisiveness (-->wisdom-->freedom)
Don't think someone else needs to lose for you to win.
Death: "Be happy that it happened, not sad that it ended." ––– Dr. Seuss
LOOK AT THE MOVIE AGAIN....THIS PART CONTAINS TOO MANY COMPLICATED THEORIES TO UNDERSTAND WITHOUT THE DIAGRAMS AND EXPLANATIONS....
3. Happiness
4. Left Brain
5. Decisions
6. Questions
7. Three Questions
8. Final Thoughts
-Accepting responsibility
-Understand your intrinsic self-worth
-Join a team in which there are other more mature mentors
-Two Questions: Where am I going? Who will go with me? Don't mix up the order
-Be able to reprogram yourself, esp. to become more independent
-Honesty, Fidelity, Compassion, Empathy, Humility, but most of all a sense of wonderment for all that is right and good in the world
-He should not be trying to be an example because this will disturb his ethos and keep him from being such.
-Don't do. Be.
-Take full responsibility for your own destiny so that you may know where you are going. Do some soul searching and then write down your list of goals, your life timelines, and how you are going to achieve these things.
-True, honest, and ethical, not necessarily in accordance with the moral code of others, but ethical to a code that is true, just, and reasonable to you (protagonist should be like this, think of Philip Marlowe)
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GO OUT THERE AND GET A HUGE RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT YOU MADE THE MINUTE YOU STARTED WATCHING THE PROGRAM. USE THIS KNOWLEDGE EVERYDAY. SHARE THE RETURNS OF YOUR INVESTMENT WITH OTHERS BY TEACHING THEM EVERYTHING YOU'VE LEARNT ON YOUR JOURNEY TO MANHOOD.
Wow. That felt good to re-read. So helpful for my game. I hope that changed all of you for the better, and helped stimulate questions for you about what a Man is and how to rise above other men to become one.
And hit me with some feedback, it's always nice to hear if the post can be improved in any way
~Mandrake
PS. This is my first post as a staff member ;D
! Good job you champ.
