Post by anarchy on Jul 6, 2009 11:39:56 GMT -5
My bud from the southflorida lair wrote a post on alot of textgame openers. here they are credit goes to Antman.
Me:"Hey have you seen cindy? Its p.c."
Hb: "who?
"
Me:"Prince charming duh, I'm looking for cinderella she left her glass panties here last night"
Hb: "lololol, maybe they will fit me"
Me:"okay we can try, but this is the last time!"
6 truths in your life:
1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue.
2. You're an idiot, because you just tried to proof truth number one.
3. Truth one is a lie.
4. Now you're smiling, because you're a goof.
5. You'll send it to another idiot in the near future.
6. You're still smiling "
Me:Snapple Fact:A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
HB:Oh wow Really?
Me:Yeah, so if you ever need some help working out, i've been told i'm a great spot
Today is f.u.c.k day(friends you can keep). I just f**k you! You know you liked it! So f**k whoever you want. You better f**k me back! lol
"This text sex is so hot......i think my finger just came and it'll be awhile before i get it hard again"
"What are you wearing?"
This one's fun. You can always play it off like "Oh, because I thought I just saw you just now at (such and such). Do you really think I get off on that stuff? You pervert!". Haha.
ONE-LINERS
YOU: You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot an arrow into my chest cavity
YOU: I couldn¡¦t help noticing that you¡¦re mind-blowingly hot.
YOU: I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
YOU: I promise not to make you stand beside me during the public apology if i¡¦m ever implicated in a prosecution ring.
YOU: If we were snow monkeys I¡¦d pick the dead skin and insects off your fur even if I wasn¡¦t looking to mate.
YOU: Hey, wanted to touch base in case you get rich.
YOU: Let¡¦s party like rock stars that only play video games!
YOU: If you ever disappeared while hiking, I¡¦d remain with the search party until it started raining.
YOU: If you showed up on a free porn site I would definitely click through.
YOU: Thought you should know I totally blasted my Pecs today.
YOU: May the cooler air bring less glandular activity to your armpits.
YOU: My p*n*s is large enough to wound you.
YOU: My plan is to travel the world in a Panda suit.
YOU: I¡¦m glad we stay mildly interested in each other¡¦s lives.
YOU: I've been telling my mom about you, and she said I should call.
YOU: We¡¦re total f**k bad asses.
YOU: Let¡¦s have a frank discussion about our favourite sexual positions.
YOU: I¡¦ve put more thought into my [Halloween] costume than into my career.
YOU: This is the one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected.
YOU: I can¡¦t believe how much I¡¦m not sick of you.
YOU: I¡¦d like to dedicate this boner to you.
YOU: (If they can¡¦t do something) Your busy day is interfering with my slacking off.
YOU: (In response to what i¡¦m doing) I¡¦m practicing the shocker
YOU: I¡¦m concerned your hotness may eventually make me insecure.
YOU: Someday i want to adopt an Asian baby with you.
YOU: Big dinners make me drowsy so let¡¦s do the sex part first.
YOU: Let¡¦s go to a museum to see some c**k!
YOU: I¡¦d appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.
YOU: Let¡¦s go to a crowded party or bar to socialise exclusively with ourselves.
YOU: Please make yourself available to talk when I have nothing to do while driving.
YOU: Sorry two unicorns and I f**k you silly in my dream last night.
YOU: [I¡¦d take you to coffee but] your star bucks drink order embarrasses me.
YOU: Let¡¦s invite ugly friends out tonight to highlight our hotness.
YOU: I know the perfect place for us to dry hump!
YOU: Hey, if m**tur**t in my office is wrong, i don¡¦t want to be right.
YOU: I¡¦m too horny to be in public.
YOU: Let¡¦s pretend to get together soon!
YOU: I really can¡¦t say enough good things about your blow jobs.
YOU: f**k you really turns me on.
YOU: Sometimes i get sad about how uncool you¡¦ve become.
YOU: Someday we should go to rehab together.
YOU: I¡¦m ready to change my Facebook relationship status if you are.
YOU: I caught you staring at my package.
YOU: I love it when you tell a story 368 times.
YOU: I insist that everyone start calling me by my porn name.
YOU: If i ever run for president, my association with you is going to haunt me.
YOU: Just an FYI that my Facebook friend tally has recently skyrocketed.
YOU: Just wanted you to know that I¡¦m new to the neighbourhood and required by law to tell you that.
YOU: Really great meeting you but I¡¦m currently not in the market for new friends.
YOU: I¡¦d like your permission to slightly exaggerate our friendship
YOU: Just saying hi and wondering if the morning-after pill worked.
YOU: Let me know when you¡¦re available so i can make sure I¡¦m busy.
YOU: I still try to keep up with whether or not you¡¦re dead.
YOU: Welcome back if you were on vacation.
YOU: When you¡¦re with me, your beverages are roofie-free.
YOU: Your username is making me hesitant to flirt with you.
YOU: I want you to uproot your life and move to my hometown so we can casually date.
YOU: I¡¦ve almost figured out our relationship.
YOU: I¡¦m glad you recognise how terrible your life is without me.
YOU: I bet my weekend can kick your weekends ass.
YOU: I¡¦d bang you if you weren¡¦t such a nice girl...
YOU: Ha-ha, I¡¦ve got you by the balls now!!!
YOU: I hope you¡¦re smiling
YOU: What sort of trouble are you causing?
YOU: Guess what! ¡VIF LAME RESPONSE-- Bad girl. I said guess. Try again.
YOU: Thinking of you (and taking cold showers) ļ
YOU: You're boring. Better start being entertaining before I leave you. ;P.
YOU: I just don't think we should do this anymore... Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
YOU: let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, develop a gambling problem, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
YOU: Hey! I really miss you and want to see you badly BUT this dumbass security guard won't let me in the zoo. Can you escape?
YOU: Hey you cheeky-slag, orgy starts at 8:00, but be there early so i can get you while you're still fresh ¡V Fine, well can i at least get seconds?
YOU: Today is HOLY SHIT YOUR HOT DAY, send this to someone you know who is HOT, just not to me, I¡¦ve been getting this f**k text all day ;p
YOU: Exciting, you are going to make a great soccer mom some day! - I will keep an eye out for used Mini Vans and do some research on anti-depressants for you!
YOU: Hey i was just thinking about you, wish you were here(so you could cook me something and do my dishes/so you could fetch me a drink and give me a foot massage/so you could clean my house and do my laundry)
YOU: So bottom line you kinda impressed me tonight...and I don't get impressed very often. Keep up the good work ; )
YOU: Yeah it¡¦s big ¡V sorry wrong [Stephanie].
YOU: The police have found a burnt body, except its fatter and with a smaller brain than whats common, please let me know your alright.
YOU: I forgot, are we fighting and most importantly am I winning?
YOU: One hundred percent of homosexuals check their text messages with their thumb. Too late to switch fingers now!
YOU: Stop thinking about me!
YOU: I think of you every time i browse my phone on the toilet
YOU: You¡¦re only as old as you feel while getting wildly f**k
YOU: It¡¦s been too long since we threw up on each other
YOU: You never pee on me anymore...
YOU; let¡¦s confirm that we¡¦re getting pants-shitting drunk tonight.
YOU: Wanting to make gentle yet impassioned love to [Tom Brady] doesn¡¦t make you gay.
YOU: If I was your co-worker i¡¦d sexually harass you.
YOU: If we were in prison together I¡¦d totally help you not get raped.
YOU: Don¡¦t forget that blowjobs are like flowers for men.
YOU: OMG, Becky, look at her butt!
YOU: Maybe it¡¦s the booze talking, but i want you to know i love booze.
YOU: You¡¦re going to be a great MILF
YOU: Let¡¦s do the whitest thing imaginable.
YOU: SURPRISE!
YOU: Knock knock...
YOU: How's my favorite little brat doing?
YOU: Ciao bella! / Mi amore! / My cheri amore!
YOU: I just made you open your phone for no reason...looks like I got you in check =]
YOU: Hey goof, I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend.
YOU: What sort of trouble are you causing?
YOU: I am luring women to my house with candy... do you prefer skittles or M&M's? (MY ADDITION: Bring preferred candy to next meeting. Funny. Also, after reading posts they always pick skittles... i'm going to actually try and bring a fun pack of skittles when i'm out and use this as a funny opener. If they say skittles, i'll take out the pack, pop one in my mouth and say, "want a skittle?")
YOU: I know my math u+i equals 69
YOU: Girls are gross...
YOU: I hope you are smiling. If not just think of me!
YOU: Aliens are coming to abduct all the sexy people off the planet and force them to breed. You should be safe, I just wanted to text to say goodbye.
YOU: Out of all the (first name) (last name)'s I know... I think you¡¦re my favourite.
YOU: You just popped into my head so Hi...now please stay out of there
YOU: Hey I hope you got home safe. [name]
YOU: Let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
YOU: I don't know who you're boyfriend is...but he's not spanking you enough!
YOU: I don't think you're ready for this jelly
YOU: Awww, you're so sweet. You're making me get diabetes.
YOU: I just don't think we should do this anymore...Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
YOU: I was thinking of you...
YOU: Something about u seems to always make me smile.
YOU: Feel better so i can guiltlessly/mercilessly make fun of you again.
YOU: I¡¦m glad you recognise how bad your life would be without me.
YOU: (To stress of relationships) Life would be easier if we were gay.
YOU: If you really loved me you would say it on my Facebook Wall.
YOU: (After waiting a while after they msg) I just finished balancing my chi, what are you up to?
YOU: I get it... you¡¦re just a simple woman who wants her salad tossed.
YOU: I couldn¡¦t get through [Monday]¡¦s without knowing you¡¦re equally miserable.
YOU: I¡¦d like to offer moral support but i have questionable morals.
YOU: Sorry you¡¦re feeling like such a pussy
YOU: Get well soon because your cough is f**k disgusting.
YOU: It¡¦s never too early to start a mid-life crisis.
YOU: Do something special for yourself and then feel guilty about it.
YOU: (Bowling, etc) Sure... I genuinely enjoy any activity in which you bend over.
MULTI-LINERS
YOU: Hey..do me a favour and text me right back. Just hi or something.
HB: Hi.... but why?
YOU: My friends didn't believe retards can text. Boy, did we show them!
-OR-
YOU: Hey..do me a favor and text me right back. Just hi or something. my friends dont believe retards can text. We'll show em lil buddy
YOU: [ALL SENT SEPERATELY]
6 truths in your life:
1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue.
2. You're an idiot, because you just tried to proof truth number one.
3. Truth one is a lie.
4. Now you're smiling, because you're a goof.
5. You'll send it to another idiot in the near future.
6. You're still smiling
YOU: Hey can you help me study? or Hey I need help studying?
HB: Sure what class is it? or studying for what?
YOU: Sex 101/Sex Ed
YOU: Congratulations
HB: BLAH/WHY?
YOU: I was just thinking of you. Congratulations =)
YOU: Thanks for the blow job last night. That was really sweet of you.
HB: (either replies or doesn¡¦t)
YOU: Oops wrong person.
YOU: Hey I¡¦ve been thinking.....want to rob a bank with me?
HB: HAHA, What? (or something of the sort, most girls will play along)
YOU: Seriously, I need a partner. Are you driving or are you shooting
HB: Blah blah
YOU: Oh a badass huh
YOU: Who is this?
HB: [girls name]
YOU: I know...I'm just being an ass
YOU: let¡¦s go to Vegas and get married right now. You¡¦re the most beautiful woman I¡¦ve ever met
[then follow up with...]
YOU: oh my bad...wrong person!/Sorry wrong number!
YOU: Baby you're the hottest thing I've ever seen! Let's fly to Vegas and elope
-followed by after a min or a response-
YOU: Oh Shit sorry wrong number!
YOU: Don¡¦t worry you¡¦re still my favourite girl
-wait 5 mins-
YOU: Or at least top 5.
YOU: So are you in love with me yet?
HB: Blah
YOU: Wow you¡¦re lasting longer than I thought/give it 15 mins...
YOU: Don't worry you're still my favorite girl
--wait a couple minutes --
YOU: Or at least top 5
YOU: I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus.
-wait for it....-
YOU: Whoops! EMBARRASING.
HB: What are you up to tonight?
YOU: Tonight's my weekly melted haagen-dazs bath.
HB: Who¡¦s this?
YOU: Prince Charming, duh.
PRETEND TO MASS-TEXT
YOU: Remember guys tomorrow is "Hug a retard" day. . . So don¡¦t freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU!
HB: Okay, remind me to give you a hug when i see you
HB: Haha! Your getting an extra hug when i see you tomorrow.
YOU: You know what I hate? When you're minding your own business then... BAM! you're being attacked by flying monkeys.
HB: I didn't know monkeys could fly
YOU: That¡¦s what makes it so hateful. I'm never expecting it.
HB: What are you talking about?
YOU: I knew it! You're one of those flying monkey lovers, aren't you
GONE COLD/FLAKES
YOU: hey, just been sorting out my phonebook and found out I have three <NAME>¡¦s, which one are you......the crazy one, the hot one, or the shy suggestive one?
YOU: I just met your twin
BIRTHDAY:
YOU: Today¡¦s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother¡¦s uterus.
YOU: I hope your party doesn¡¦t f**k suck. (SITUATIONAL can work at any party not just bdays)
YOU: I¡¦m not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
YOU: Wishing you happy birthday makes me feel gay
YOU: You would have loved the gift I didn¡¦t bother getting you
YOU: I remember when you weren¡¦t so disturbingly old.
YOU: I¡¦d like to take you out for your birthday when it¡¦s convenient for me.
YOU: Sorry, you didn¡¦t remind me it was your Birthday.
YOU: Sorry your age means you¡¦re no longer the primary target market of pop culture marketers.
YOU: It¡¦s your birthday but I¡¦m still going to try and get all the attention. (SITUATIONAL works for any event: house party, party)
YOU: Happy birthday to someone I can tolerate!
If you know one that is not on the list add on.
Me:"Hey have you seen cindy? Its p.c."
Hb: "who?
" Me:"Prince charming duh, I'm looking for cinderella she left her glass panties here last night"
Hb: "lololol, maybe they will fit me"
Me:"okay we can try, but this is the last time!"
6 truths in your life:
1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue.
2. You're an idiot, because you just tried to proof truth number one.
3. Truth one is a lie.
4. Now you're smiling, because you're a goof.
5. You'll send it to another idiot in the near future.
6. You're still smiling "
Me:Snapple Fact:A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.
HB:Oh wow Really?
Me:Yeah, so if you ever need some help working out, i've been told i'm a great spot
Today is f.u.c.k day(friends you can keep). I just f**k you! You know you liked it! So f**k whoever you want. You better f**k me back! lol
"This text sex is so hot......i think my finger just came and it'll be awhile before i get it hard again"
"What are you wearing?"
This one's fun. You can always play it off like "Oh, because I thought I just saw you just now at (such and such). Do you really think I get off on that stuff? You pervert!". Haha.
ONE-LINERS
YOU: You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot an arrow into my chest cavity
YOU: I couldn¡¦t help noticing that you¡¦re mind-blowingly hot.
YOU: I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.
YOU: I promise not to make you stand beside me during the public apology if i¡¦m ever implicated in a prosecution ring.
YOU: If we were snow monkeys I¡¦d pick the dead skin and insects off your fur even if I wasn¡¦t looking to mate.
YOU: Hey, wanted to touch base in case you get rich.
YOU: Let¡¦s party like rock stars that only play video games!
YOU: If you ever disappeared while hiking, I¡¦d remain with the search party until it started raining.
YOU: If you showed up on a free porn site I would definitely click through.
YOU: Thought you should know I totally blasted my Pecs today.
YOU: May the cooler air bring less glandular activity to your armpits.
YOU: My p*n*s is large enough to wound you.
YOU: My plan is to travel the world in a Panda suit.
YOU: I¡¦m glad we stay mildly interested in each other¡¦s lives.
YOU: I've been telling my mom about you, and she said I should call.
YOU: We¡¦re total f**k bad asses.
YOU: Let¡¦s have a frank discussion about our favourite sexual positions.
YOU: I¡¦ve put more thought into my [Halloween] costume than into my career.
YOU: This is the one holiday where our full-blown alcoholism could possibly go undetected.
YOU: I can¡¦t believe how much I¡¦m not sick of you.
YOU: I¡¦d like to dedicate this boner to you.
YOU: (If they can¡¦t do something) Your busy day is interfering with my slacking off.
YOU: (In response to what i¡¦m doing) I¡¦m practicing the shocker
YOU: I¡¦m concerned your hotness may eventually make me insecure.
YOU: Someday i want to adopt an Asian baby with you.
YOU: Big dinners make me drowsy so let¡¦s do the sex part first.
YOU: Let¡¦s go to a museum to see some c**k!
YOU: I¡¦d appreciate it if you started treating me like a sex object.
YOU: Let¡¦s go to a crowded party or bar to socialise exclusively with ourselves.
YOU: Please make yourself available to talk when I have nothing to do while driving.
YOU: Sorry two unicorns and I f**k you silly in my dream last night.
YOU: [I¡¦d take you to coffee but] your star bucks drink order embarrasses me.
YOU: Let¡¦s invite ugly friends out tonight to highlight our hotness.
YOU: I know the perfect place for us to dry hump!
YOU: Hey, if m**tur**t in my office is wrong, i don¡¦t want to be right.
YOU: I¡¦m too horny to be in public.
YOU: Let¡¦s pretend to get together soon!
YOU: I really can¡¦t say enough good things about your blow jobs.
YOU: f**k you really turns me on.
YOU: Sometimes i get sad about how uncool you¡¦ve become.
YOU: Someday we should go to rehab together.
YOU: I¡¦m ready to change my Facebook relationship status if you are.
YOU: I caught you staring at my package.
YOU: I love it when you tell a story 368 times.
YOU: I insist that everyone start calling me by my porn name.
YOU: If i ever run for president, my association with you is going to haunt me.
YOU: Just an FYI that my Facebook friend tally has recently skyrocketed.
YOU: Just wanted you to know that I¡¦m new to the neighbourhood and required by law to tell you that.
YOU: Really great meeting you but I¡¦m currently not in the market for new friends.
YOU: I¡¦d like your permission to slightly exaggerate our friendship
YOU: Just saying hi and wondering if the morning-after pill worked.
YOU: Let me know when you¡¦re available so i can make sure I¡¦m busy.
YOU: I still try to keep up with whether or not you¡¦re dead.
YOU: Welcome back if you were on vacation.
YOU: When you¡¦re with me, your beverages are roofie-free.
YOU: Your username is making me hesitant to flirt with you.
YOU: I want you to uproot your life and move to my hometown so we can casually date.
YOU: I¡¦ve almost figured out our relationship.
YOU: I¡¦m glad you recognise how terrible your life is without me.
YOU: I bet my weekend can kick your weekends ass.
YOU: I¡¦d bang you if you weren¡¦t such a nice girl...
YOU: Ha-ha, I¡¦ve got you by the balls now!!!
YOU: I hope you¡¦re smiling
YOU: What sort of trouble are you causing?
YOU: Guess what! ¡VIF LAME RESPONSE-- Bad girl. I said guess. Try again.
YOU: Thinking of you (and taking cold showers) ļ
YOU: You're boring. Better start being entertaining before I leave you. ;P.
YOU: I just don't think we should do this anymore... Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
YOU: let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, develop a gambling problem, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
YOU: Hey! I really miss you and want to see you badly BUT this dumbass security guard won't let me in the zoo. Can you escape?
YOU: Hey you cheeky-slag, orgy starts at 8:00, but be there early so i can get you while you're still fresh ¡V Fine, well can i at least get seconds?
YOU: Today is HOLY SHIT YOUR HOT DAY, send this to someone you know who is HOT, just not to me, I¡¦ve been getting this f**k text all day ;p
YOU: Exciting, you are going to make a great soccer mom some day! - I will keep an eye out for used Mini Vans and do some research on anti-depressants for you!
YOU: Hey i was just thinking about you, wish you were here(so you could cook me something and do my dishes/so you could fetch me a drink and give me a foot massage/so you could clean my house and do my laundry)
YOU: So bottom line you kinda impressed me tonight...and I don't get impressed very often. Keep up the good work ; )
YOU: Yeah it¡¦s big ¡V sorry wrong [Stephanie].
YOU: The police have found a burnt body, except its fatter and with a smaller brain than whats common, please let me know your alright.
YOU: I forgot, are we fighting and most importantly am I winning?
YOU: One hundred percent of homosexuals check their text messages with their thumb. Too late to switch fingers now!
YOU: Stop thinking about me!
YOU: I think of you every time i browse my phone on the toilet
YOU: You¡¦re only as old as you feel while getting wildly f**k
YOU: It¡¦s been too long since we threw up on each other
YOU: You never pee on me anymore...
YOU; let¡¦s confirm that we¡¦re getting pants-shitting drunk tonight.
YOU: Wanting to make gentle yet impassioned love to [Tom Brady] doesn¡¦t make you gay.
YOU: If I was your co-worker i¡¦d sexually harass you.
YOU: If we were in prison together I¡¦d totally help you not get raped.
YOU: Don¡¦t forget that blowjobs are like flowers for men.
YOU: OMG, Becky, look at her butt!
YOU: Maybe it¡¦s the booze talking, but i want you to know i love booze.
YOU: You¡¦re going to be a great MILF
YOU: Let¡¦s do the whitest thing imaginable.
YOU: SURPRISE!
YOU: Knock knock...
YOU: How's my favorite little brat doing?
YOU: Ciao bella! / Mi amore! / My cheri amore!
YOU: I just made you open your phone for no reason...looks like I got you in check =]
YOU: Hey goof, I bet my weekend can beat up your weekend.
YOU: What sort of trouble are you causing?
YOU: I am luring women to my house with candy... do you prefer skittles or M&M's? (MY ADDITION: Bring preferred candy to next meeting. Funny. Also, after reading posts they always pick skittles... i'm going to actually try and bring a fun pack of skittles when i'm out and use this as a funny opener. If they say skittles, i'll take out the pack, pop one in my mouth and say, "want a skittle?")
YOU: I know my math u+i equals 69
YOU: Girls are gross...
YOU: I hope you are smiling. If not just think of me!
YOU: Aliens are coming to abduct all the sexy people off the planet and force them to breed. You should be safe, I just wanted to text to say goodbye.
YOU: Out of all the (first name) (last name)'s I know... I think you¡¦re my favourite.
YOU: You just popped into my head so Hi...now please stay out of there
YOU: Hey I hope you got home safe. [name]
YOU: Let's fly to Las Vegas, get married, argue about our third kid's name, divorce, and grow old lonely and depressed
YOU: I don't know who you're boyfriend is...but he's not spanking you enough!
YOU: I don't think you're ready for this jelly
YOU: Awww, you're so sweet. You're making me get diabetes.
YOU: I just don't think we should do this anymore...Sometimes you make me feel like I am just a piece of meat.
YOU: I was thinking of you...
YOU: Something about u seems to always make me smile.
YOU: Feel better so i can guiltlessly/mercilessly make fun of you again.
YOU: I¡¦m glad you recognise how bad your life would be without me.
YOU: (To stress of relationships) Life would be easier if we were gay.
YOU: If you really loved me you would say it on my Facebook Wall.
YOU: (After waiting a while after they msg) I just finished balancing my chi, what are you up to?
YOU: I get it... you¡¦re just a simple woman who wants her salad tossed.
YOU: I couldn¡¦t get through [Monday]¡¦s without knowing you¡¦re equally miserable.
YOU: I¡¦d like to offer moral support but i have questionable morals.
YOU: Sorry you¡¦re feeling like such a pussy
YOU: Get well soon because your cough is f**k disgusting.
YOU: It¡¦s never too early to start a mid-life crisis.
YOU: Do something special for yourself and then feel guilty about it.
YOU: (Bowling, etc) Sure... I genuinely enjoy any activity in which you bend over.
MULTI-LINERS
YOU: Hey..do me a favour and text me right back. Just hi or something.
HB: Hi.... but why?
YOU: My friends didn't believe retards can text. Boy, did we show them!
-OR-
YOU: Hey..do me a favor and text me right back. Just hi or something. my friends dont believe retards can text. We'll show em lil buddy
YOU: [ALL SENT SEPERATELY]
6 truths in your life:
1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue.
2. You're an idiot, because you just tried to proof truth number one.
3. Truth one is a lie.
4. Now you're smiling, because you're a goof.
5. You'll send it to another idiot in the near future.
6. You're still smiling
YOU: Hey can you help me study? or Hey I need help studying?
HB: Sure what class is it? or studying for what?
YOU: Sex 101/Sex Ed
YOU: Congratulations
HB: BLAH/WHY?
YOU: I was just thinking of you. Congratulations =)
YOU: Thanks for the blow job last night. That was really sweet of you.
HB: (either replies or doesn¡¦t)
YOU: Oops wrong person.
YOU: Hey I¡¦ve been thinking.....want to rob a bank with me?
HB: HAHA, What? (or something of the sort, most girls will play along)
YOU: Seriously, I need a partner. Are you driving or are you shooting
HB: Blah blah
YOU: Oh a badass huh
YOU: Who is this?
HB: [girls name]
YOU: I know...I'm just being an ass
YOU: let¡¦s go to Vegas and get married right now. You¡¦re the most beautiful woman I¡¦ve ever met
[then follow up with...]
YOU: oh my bad...wrong person!/Sorry wrong number!
YOU: Baby you're the hottest thing I've ever seen! Let's fly to Vegas and elope
-followed by after a min or a response-
YOU: Oh Shit sorry wrong number!
YOU: Don¡¦t worry you¡¦re still my favourite girl
-wait 5 mins-
YOU: Or at least top 5.
YOU: So are you in love with me yet?
HB: Blah
YOU: Wow you¡¦re lasting longer than I thought/give it 15 mins...
YOU: Don't worry you're still my favorite girl
--wait a couple minutes --
YOU: Or at least top 5
YOU: I will be your friend no matter what you put inside your anus.
-wait for it....-
YOU: Whoops! EMBARRASING.
HB: What are you up to tonight?
YOU: Tonight's my weekly melted haagen-dazs bath.
HB: Who¡¦s this?
YOU: Prince Charming, duh.
PRETEND TO MASS-TEXT
YOU: Remember guys tomorrow is "Hug a retard" day. . . So don¡¦t freak out like you did last year, NO ONE IS TRYING TO HURT YOU!
HB: Okay, remind me to give you a hug when i see you
HB: Haha! Your getting an extra hug when i see you tomorrow.
YOU: You know what I hate? When you're minding your own business then... BAM! you're being attacked by flying monkeys.
HB: I didn't know monkeys could fly
YOU: That¡¦s what makes it so hateful. I'm never expecting it.
HB: What are you talking about?
YOU: I knew it! You're one of those flying monkey lovers, aren't you
GONE COLD/FLAKES
YOU: hey, just been sorting out my phonebook and found out I have three <NAME>¡¦s, which one are you......the crazy one, the hot one, or the shy suggestive one?
YOU: I just met your twin
BIRTHDAY:
YOU: Today¡¦s the anniversary of you being expelled from your mother¡¦s uterus.
YOU: I hope your party doesn¡¦t f**k suck. (SITUATIONAL can work at any party not just bdays)
YOU: I¡¦m not making any age-related jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
YOU: Wishing you happy birthday makes me feel gay
YOU: You would have loved the gift I didn¡¦t bother getting you
YOU: I remember when you weren¡¦t so disturbingly old.
YOU: I¡¦d like to take you out for your birthday when it¡¦s convenient for me.
YOU: Sorry, you didn¡¦t remind me it was your Birthday.
YOU: Sorry your age means you¡¦re no longer the primary target market of pop culture marketers.
YOU: It¡¦s your birthday but I¡¦m still going to try and get all the attention. (SITUATIONAL works for any event: house party, party)
YOU: Happy birthday to someone I can tolerate!
If you know one that is not on the list add on.
