Dealing with Awkward Silence

[risen]

Today in class I ran into a large problem.

We were broken up into 2 groups one for flash cards one for a class game. I was in the flash cards group with 3 girls ( two 6s and a 7) 2 of them I've known for practically forever but we've never talked much until recently. The other is well boring and cynical. We finished the flashcards and we only had a few minutes left in class so we started talking about a book we had to read for the next class. I was bored in the silence until then. The girl I usually talk to was absent (everyone knows we're good friends).

The boring girl said that she finished I burst in and said "Cool, now tell me about it I can't figure out what's going on." Everyone froze so I asked if anything actually happened in the book the 7 said "yes" and everything went silent. I felt bad. Like I said I've known all of them since forever.

I don't plan on going anywhere with my interactions with them despite my friends urging, but still I didn't know how to react or keep the conversation going.

[SenorBubbz]

That's kinda weird, maybe it's the way you asked the question.
Like you were seeking value?

[nutrick]

awkward silences happen all the time, learn to live with them and laugh at them. but first, you should assert yourself, since i'm sure you really wanted to know what happened in the book lol, don't let her act like a smart ass, you should've said "umm okay why don't you tell me then since you apparently know oh so much about them" but THATS JUST AN EXAMPLE, understand the underlying meaning with what i'm saying. just be honest with yourself, talk about anything, regardless of how awkward it is. awkwardness is your friend, it makes you different from everyone else, remember that learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. and really, no big deal, in fact, this whole social bullshit is no big deal, but that's another post

and senor, he wasn't seeking value in that sense, he wanted to know what the book was about. seeking value isn't necessarily always bad, but then again, you have to have pretty solid inner game (being honest with yourself, speaking your mind, not giving a shit what others think) to be able to say value seeking things without sounding like it.

listen, this stuff isn't black and white, there's a LOT of gray, so try not to micromanage your conversations, just look at the overall progress and things should fall into place from there.

as far as the significance of this goes, i wouldn't worry about it, just live with it and accept it, these things happen, but you have to learn from them and move on and try again. trial and error is the only way to perfect it.

cheers,
patrick

[risen]

Thinking about it she was probably just aggravated that I cut her friend off from talking and drew all the attention to myself, but yea the main thing is I froze I had the spotlight but nowhere to go with it.

[nutrick]

well if your problem is freezing up when you have attention, during school, when working in groups, try to do all your oral presentations for your group, join a public speaking club, do chorus, look for things you can do to introduce you to that stimuli on a constant basis in order to get over your fear any questions, feel free to im me on aim because I don't go on here much, or you can shoot me an email, pm me if you want it.

[sparkogre]

General rule of thumb, questions drain value. Statements add value.

If you have no value, make a statement, and someone might reply. If you ask a question, it puts the impetus on someone else, and people might not like that.

Also, watch this:



Make sure your tonality goes down at the end of a sentence, instead of up like a question?


^{We were broken up into 2 groups one for flash cards one for a class game. I was in the flash cards group with 3 girls ( two 6s and a 7) 2 of them I've known for practically forever but we've never talked much until recently. The other is well boring and cynical. We finished the flashcards and we only had a few minutes left in class so we started talking about a book we had to read for the next class. I was bored in the silence until then. The girl I usually talk to was absent (everyone knows we're good friends).}

Whenever people are talking about something I have no clue about, I usually just change the subject. For example, I'm clueless with sports. Utterly. So I just change the subject. But change the subject subtly.

Person - That football game was awesome yesterday,
Me - one of my friends actually won one of those texting challenge things cause he had a keyboard phone

Or just change it blatantly. Footballs boring. Let's talk about the Simpsons. Or cake. I like cake. Nobody's talking about the book they're reading in CA or talking about their favorite sport because they're actually looking for a deep discussion of literature or athletics. They're just making small talk.


Do you just have a problem making conversation and small talk in general?


If so, then do this exercise:

Free Association Exercise, by Carlos Xuma.
Start talking to yourself about a topic. Anything. fucking carrots, for example. "I remember when I thought that if i ate enough carrots i wouldnt have to wear glasses, bugs bunny ate carrots and he had a fucking monocle, bugs bunny was a fucking BA, cartoons, kid stuff, you get the point." But don't just list the topics, actually talk about this stuff in depth. This helps a lot with multithreading.



A lull in the conversation is not necessarily an awkward silence.
Don't be the douchebag that takes every quiet spot and thinks "AWKWARD SILENCE."

NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER ACKNOWLEDGE AN AWKWARD SILENCE. You can acknowledge quietness, but not an actual AWKWARD silence.

Generally, I think, awkward silences don't really come up when you've ended a conversation topic (unless you're really nervous) because one of the 2+ people will usually transition. Awkward silences usually come when someone (LIKE YOU) says something AWKWARD and everyones like.... wtf....


AWKWARD SILENCE DAMAGE CONTROL:

If you say something wtf-worthy and you get an awkward silence, don't look perturbed. Just keep smiling or whatever. The key is to not acknowledge non-verbally that the silence is awkward. It's like when somebody gets a boner in class. If Johnny the calculus nerd gets a boner, it's awkward. If Johnny the football captain gets a boner in class, its lol.

[nutrick]

awkward silences are no big deal. lol. i personally like them since i can get my awkward turtle on seriously spark, you're acting as if it's black and white when there is really a hell of a lot of gray. awkward silences can be funny things too, but if it's too frequent and you don't transition fast enough, then yeah it can work against you, but you can't try and avoid it like the plague, that's just too much pressure by making your mind think "oh shit, i better not make this awkward.. " just fuckin relax, and laugh when it's awkward, hell blame it on the other girl, let it work for you, not against you.

[SenorBubbz]

Shit sparkogre, that was a legit response. +1

[Rusty]

Lol it's not really a large problem man. It doesn't really matter, my conversations have occasional awkward silences, it doesn't matter. I just put a sexy look on my face and look at her and half the time it turns into a quiet appreciation. I probably just look like a wanker but, shit it's worked so far hahaha.

[nutrick]

RUSTYYYY!!!

[acezero]

I woulda fished for a joke. Here is a example

Like in class yesterday this girl was sitting by herself. I always tease her and talk about back handing her for doing silly things. I say things like I'll mess your hair up and stuff. Then I ask her if she could drive. So she says her step father teaches her sometimes and I say "will he teach me?" and she laughs and says no and I ask why not and she says because he doesn't know me. O keep going on like I'll make friends with your step dad and he will buy me things and takes me to do things that she likes doing.

It keeps going on and she keeps laughing. We're having fun.