Post by Grape on Dec 20, 2009 17:25:23 GMT -5
What Is Your Motivation?
Let me begin by asking you a very important question of motivation. What is your motivation for socializing with girls? Truly, what is it? Is it for the ego boost and the attention? Is it to be able to show her off to all your friends and feel cool? Is it to prove to yourself that you can indeed talk to girls?
Or is your motivation to find a girl you can spend your life with and be very happy with? To find a girl you can trust and be best friends with? To find a girl who you will enjoy being around and feel good with?
The second choice is what your motivation should be. It should be about enjoyment and pleasure, not using others simply to try and get rid of your insecurities and try to protect your ego.
Without the correct motivation, your intents and goals will focus around the wrong things, bringing you to a big whop of failure. Never try to use people for simply yourself unless you actually like having no friends, this should be common sense.
So once again, you want to meet girls to make friends, laugh, be happy, and truly enjoy.
How To Learn Like A Pro
Now let’s dive into how exactly you can learn to become as good as those guys you see always talking with the big groups of people with lots of cool guys and beautiful girls.
Modeling is one of the easiest yet most effective ways to improve yourself. Everyone does it too. Political figures model historical figures like Hamilton, Lincoln, and FDR. Students model their teachers to do class work. Younger siblings model the old. Girls model the women they see on Cover Girl Magazine and what not. Guys model the bros we see on TV and Movies. It’s completely natural for us to model.
Who can we model? Very simple: Our fathers, that is if they’re good with socializing, comedians like Jo Koy and Dane Cook, popular celebrities like Brad Pitt. Even the kids you see in your own school are fine. Just keep on doing what works for others.
This isn’t to say fake who you are though. Everyone has their own beliefs and values. Don’t sacrifice the things you treasure, but simply changes small habits like the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you dress, etc. Those shouldn’t affect your values so much. It’s very important that you don’t drink and smoke for “social reasons”. If you do, you’ve failed at standing up for yourself.
The Power Of Knowledge
Aside from modeling, you must also realize the importance of Knowledge. Knowledge is not only power, as many say, but it is also the source of CONFIDENCE.
Example: You don’t study for a test, you haven’t been doing any homework or paying attention in class at all. You know nothing. Will you be confident in doing well in that test? Of course not.
Now imagine you’ve been active in class, asking questions, studying hard, and doing all your homework. You understand it well. Will you be confident in doing well in this test? Of course!
The same thing applies to women. The more knowledge you have and the more you understand them, the more confident you will be. It’s also important that you believe what you know is going to work. That’s what knowledge is for anyways: to make accurate predictions.
So just learn from the right people, know what they’re saying is accurate and true. You’ll be improving in no time.
The Pick Up ARTIST
The term PUA is thrown around all over the community. It’s even given the seduction community a nickname called the PUA community. But not many people have actually delved into what exactly PUA stands for.
Pick Up is an ART, not a science; hence the word Artist in PUA. So stop treating it like a science and respect it for what it truly is. Stop planning what you’re going to do, stop being so logical about it. An art is best bettered by practice and experience. So you MUST start applying your knowledge and you MUST start getting out there and talking to people!
The more you treat it like a science, the harder it will be because your conscious will control your body as where for art, the subconscious does much more. Approach anxiety is best overcome if you choose to accept the nervousness while walking up to a girl.
”Oh look, I’m feeling nervous. I am now walking up to her.”
In a matter of seconds, your nervousness dissipates and your knowledge is being practiced. You’re already a Pick Up Artist.
The Importance of Humor
Now in order to complete this approach, you must realize the importance of humor!
In a situation where you guys know almost nothing about each other, HUMOR is one of the ONLY things that you have in common! So use it well and focus on having fun, laughing, and enjoying yourself. After all, PUA is an art, so focusing on pleasure will let your subconscious do all of the work of “what to say” or “how to act”.
When I say be humorous, I’m not saying go tell her a knock-knock joke. Please do not think that. I’m saying Smile, introduce yourself, and make some fun remarks about something like her hair, her clothing, her shoes, her name. Or tell her the reason of your approaching her and make it a joke within itself like “I need a bodyguard! Someone’s coming after me!”
Of course, humor is most effective when the actor is being silly. So be silly when you say it! Don’t overdo it, but make sure it’s there.
Becoming What You Desire
You should realize the significance of being attractive. A girl will only like a guy she’s attracted to. You may be wondering “What are some other things a girl finds attractive other than looks?”
I need you to do something. Think about everything that you find cute and attractive in women. EVERYTHING.
Our literature teacher has the class collaborate and make a list that guys and girls found attractive in girls and found attractive in guys.
The two lists were identical. They showed “Looks, voice, honesty, loyalty, hard to get, has a life of their own, not too attached, power, intelligence, sex, confidence”
In the big picture, we found out that girls are attracted to the same things guys are attracted to. (I don’t mean girls like guys with big boobs, I’m saying they like guys who are physically attractive with six packs and big muscles)
So what do you want in women? It’ll be what they want from you.
Simply put, become what you desire most from others.
Starting a solid relationship
After many experiences of relationships and talking with other friends with relationships, I can honestly say that there’s one very very important thing I’ve learned.
Never get too attached. It’s the hardest thing to do to stop striving for what you want, but you have to stop at some point. Once you or the girl starts giving up your complete self to the other, the relationship is over.
It’s completely fine to hang out all the time and talk, just don’t make the girl your entire life. Don’t tell her all your deepest secrets or everything that you want in life. You must always hold back some stuff.
Just like how girls get sick of the guy who over-validates them, you will get sick of the girl who over-validates you.
-"You've changed."
Impressions are important. People like to judge others and label them with as many characteristics as they can. We absolutely love building an image of other people so that we can further predict how they will act and react. We do this because it is an instinct of survival.
When this image starts to prove inaccurate, problems arise. You see, we don’t like it when things aren’t the way we made them out to be. And we become frustrated.
Change is a very natural part of the world, and you must start getting over it. Girls have to get over it too, and some will. But others will not.
“You’ve changed.” Is one of the most bothersome things you can hear from a partner. If you ever come across this, the best way to reply is “As did you and everyone else in this world.”
She’ll start retorting “No, but you just aren’t yourself anymore.”
That’s when you say, “Who am I?”
Conversation Over. The antidote to the plague of many relationships, an unwillingness to adapt.
"Okay, you've officially woo'd me. Now what?"
So you’ve finally scored a date with the cute girl you’ve been talking with. How do you feel?
You will either feel excited and nervous for the future or you will feel bored and complete.
The only reason you would EVER feel bored and complete is if you weren’t listening to what I was saying. It will only be because you were pursuing the girl for validation, attention, and an ego boost.
Had you pursued her with an intent of having fun with her and sharing glorious moments with her, you would know what you want to do with her for the rest of your relationship.
I must re-emphasize: Pursue for joy. Pursue for pleasure. But never pursuer for selfish reasons.
Your Social Life
No one wants to be the loner in the corner of the classroom who never talks to anyone. No one wants to be that guy. We as humans are inept to fit into a bigger group of people. We can’t help but want to socialize. If you deny it to yourself, your ego needs to die now.
So how do you be more social with people and how do you make a ton of friends?
Quite simple and rhetoric in my opinion: Be Friendly.
Yep.
Now when I say that, I’m not saying Be Polite. Oh no no no. Being polite is a way of saying “I don’t want to be your friend, but I don’t want to be your enemy either.” In other words, “Leave me alone.”
Do not ever be polite with someone you want to be genuine friends with. Polite is dull and boring.
Learn to be obnoxious and learn to show off who you are to others. This way they can make out an image of you and they will be comfortable in becoming your friend.
Are you afraid to get shot down? Don’t be. I can say with proof that people are much too alike to shoot each other down for legit reasons unless there is a big big flaw in either one of the two.
If you think there’s something really really weird about you that you think people will absolutely hate, then simply change yourself and adapt.
But if you think you’re normal for the most part, by the way it IS okay to be relatively quiet or relaxed, you’re fine.
The only other reason others would shut you down is if they themselves have a desire to boost their ego and get rid of their insecurities.
Some people think it’s okay to take out their stress on the outside world. Avoid these people like the plague. They’re just like lap dogs. They’ll bow down to those better than them and they’ll spit on the people they think are worse than them.
These people are rare for the most part, so you shouldn’t have to worry about it.
So remember, BE FRIENDLY. Don’t be polite, and avoid the meanies!
Coping with Problems
Now to the biggest part of this entire article: How to deal with shit.
You must start to fix your own problems. Stop relying on the outer-world and start relying on yourself. I’ll show you how to do this.
First, realize the insignificance of your life.
You are not special. You are nothing. You are not better nor worse than anyone else. You will not make a difference in the big picture. You are a build up of matter and energy circulating through space and time.
There are currently seven billion organisms on the big ball of dirt you’re on right now. These organisms were born from the billions before them and will continue to reproduce.
Then within some years, our dreaded sun will die. Leaving us to freeze and die. All the hard work, all the history…gone.
Quite a realistic painting isn’t it? You may be wondering “Then why don’t we all commit suicide?”
Very simple: To feel sensations of pleasure and joy, to feel accomplished, to be able to do things that will make us feel good.
Why else do we live and replicate? Why else?
You must realize that as you are insignificant to this universe, same goes for your problems.
You think the C- on the test actually matters to the world? You think that your flat tire will miraculously make the universe stop?
Even the serious problems we as a population discuss like health care, the economy, war, disease, poverty, are all insignificant.
You should only focus on problems that distort the greater good. This is why people even created government in the first place. To benefit the greater good.
This is why we have charities to support the starving children and this is why we have public hospitals.
So remember that neither you nor your problems are anything special. They’re shmuck, average, mediocre. Get over it and fix them.
Sometimes, we will encounter certain problems too extreme for our instinctive emotions to handle. Take for instance, a death in the family or too big of a build up of stress. What to do then?
If you’re religious, all I can say is Pray. Praying is a form of meditation that is very healthy for the mind and is very healthy for the body. Stress is dissipated through nonviolence and you will feel better soon enough.
When I say pray, I’m not talking about the conservative, peaceful, unemotional prayer.
I’m talking about give up your logic for a second, give up your power, your control, and anything that makes you feel safe in this world and give it all to the Lord. Let him be your source of safety. Let him guide you through your hardships.
It’s okay to cry as well. Crying is a great way to release stress without affecting the safety of others.
What not to do is taking out your stress by resorting to drugs and alcohol. Don’t resort to cutting. Don’t resort to blaming people and finding fault in others. It won’t release any stress and will only create more problems. Don’t be the people you hate who shut down others simply to boost their own egos.
Thank you very much, I hope this article serves as a foundation of the way you perceive life.
<33 Grape
Let me begin by asking you a very important question of motivation. What is your motivation for socializing with girls? Truly, what is it? Is it for the ego boost and the attention? Is it to be able to show her off to all your friends and feel cool? Is it to prove to yourself that you can indeed talk to girls?
Or is your motivation to find a girl you can spend your life with and be very happy with? To find a girl you can trust and be best friends with? To find a girl who you will enjoy being around and feel good with?
The second choice is what your motivation should be. It should be about enjoyment and pleasure, not using others simply to try and get rid of your insecurities and try to protect your ego.
Without the correct motivation, your intents and goals will focus around the wrong things, bringing you to a big whop of failure. Never try to use people for simply yourself unless you actually like having no friends, this should be common sense.
So once again, you want to meet girls to make friends, laugh, be happy, and truly enjoy.
How To Learn Like A Pro
Now let’s dive into how exactly you can learn to become as good as those guys you see always talking with the big groups of people with lots of cool guys and beautiful girls.
Modeling is one of the easiest yet most effective ways to improve yourself. Everyone does it too. Political figures model historical figures like Hamilton, Lincoln, and FDR. Students model their teachers to do class work. Younger siblings model the old. Girls model the women they see on Cover Girl Magazine and what not. Guys model the bros we see on TV and Movies. It’s completely natural for us to model.
Who can we model? Very simple: Our fathers, that is if they’re good with socializing, comedians like Jo Koy and Dane Cook, popular celebrities like Brad Pitt. Even the kids you see in your own school are fine. Just keep on doing what works for others.
This isn’t to say fake who you are though. Everyone has their own beliefs and values. Don’t sacrifice the things you treasure, but simply changes small habits like the way you talk, the way you smile, the way you dress, etc. Those shouldn’t affect your values so much. It’s very important that you don’t drink and smoke for “social reasons”. If you do, you’ve failed at standing up for yourself.
The Power Of Knowledge
Aside from modeling, you must also realize the importance of Knowledge. Knowledge is not only power, as many say, but it is also the source of CONFIDENCE.
Example: You don’t study for a test, you haven’t been doing any homework or paying attention in class at all. You know nothing. Will you be confident in doing well in that test? Of course not.
Now imagine you’ve been active in class, asking questions, studying hard, and doing all your homework. You understand it well. Will you be confident in doing well in this test? Of course!
The same thing applies to women. The more knowledge you have and the more you understand them, the more confident you will be. It’s also important that you believe what you know is going to work. That’s what knowledge is for anyways: to make accurate predictions.
So just learn from the right people, know what they’re saying is accurate and true. You’ll be improving in no time.
The Pick Up ARTIST
The term PUA is thrown around all over the community. It’s even given the seduction community a nickname called the PUA community. But not many people have actually delved into what exactly PUA stands for.
Pick Up is an ART, not a science; hence the word Artist in PUA. So stop treating it like a science and respect it for what it truly is. Stop planning what you’re going to do, stop being so logical about it. An art is best bettered by practice and experience. So you MUST start applying your knowledge and you MUST start getting out there and talking to people!
The more you treat it like a science, the harder it will be because your conscious will control your body as where for art, the subconscious does much more. Approach anxiety is best overcome if you choose to accept the nervousness while walking up to a girl.
”Oh look, I’m feeling nervous. I am now walking up to her.”
In a matter of seconds, your nervousness dissipates and your knowledge is being practiced. You’re already a Pick Up Artist.
The Importance of Humor
Now in order to complete this approach, you must realize the importance of humor!
In a situation where you guys know almost nothing about each other, HUMOR is one of the ONLY things that you have in common! So use it well and focus on having fun, laughing, and enjoying yourself. After all, PUA is an art, so focusing on pleasure will let your subconscious do all of the work of “what to say” or “how to act”.
When I say be humorous, I’m not saying go tell her a knock-knock joke. Please do not think that. I’m saying Smile, introduce yourself, and make some fun remarks about something like her hair, her clothing, her shoes, her name. Or tell her the reason of your approaching her and make it a joke within itself like “I need a bodyguard! Someone’s coming after me!”
Of course, humor is most effective when the actor is being silly. So be silly when you say it! Don’t overdo it, but make sure it’s there.
Becoming What You Desire
You should realize the significance of being attractive. A girl will only like a guy she’s attracted to. You may be wondering “What are some other things a girl finds attractive other than looks?”
I need you to do something. Think about everything that you find cute and attractive in women. EVERYTHING.
Our literature teacher has the class collaborate and make a list that guys and girls found attractive in girls and found attractive in guys.
The two lists were identical. They showed “Looks, voice, honesty, loyalty, hard to get, has a life of their own, not too attached, power, intelligence, sex, confidence”
In the big picture, we found out that girls are attracted to the same things guys are attracted to. (I don’t mean girls like guys with big boobs, I’m saying they like guys who are physically attractive with six packs and big muscles)
So what do you want in women? It’ll be what they want from you.
Simply put, become what you desire most from others.
Starting a solid relationship
After many experiences of relationships and talking with other friends with relationships, I can honestly say that there’s one very very important thing I’ve learned.
Never get too attached. It’s the hardest thing to do to stop striving for what you want, but you have to stop at some point. Once you or the girl starts giving up your complete self to the other, the relationship is over.
It’s completely fine to hang out all the time and talk, just don’t make the girl your entire life. Don’t tell her all your deepest secrets or everything that you want in life. You must always hold back some stuff.
Just like how girls get sick of the guy who over-validates them, you will get sick of the girl who over-validates you.
-"You've changed."
Impressions are important. People like to judge others and label them with as many characteristics as they can. We absolutely love building an image of other people so that we can further predict how they will act and react. We do this because it is an instinct of survival.
When this image starts to prove inaccurate, problems arise. You see, we don’t like it when things aren’t the way we made them out to be. And we become frustrated.
Change is a very natural part of the world, and you must start getting over it. Girls have to get over it too, and some will. But others will not.
“You’ve changed.” Is one of the most bothersome things you can hear from a partner. If you ever come across this, the best way to reply is “As did you and everyone else in this world.”
She’ll start retorting “No, but you just aren’t yourself anymore.”
That’s when you say, “Who am I?”
Conversation Over. The antidote to the plague of many relationships, an unwillingness to adapt.
"Okay, you've officially woo'd me. Now what?"
So you’ve finally scored a date with the cute girl you’ve been talking with. How do you feel?
You will either feel excited and nervous for the future or you will feel bored and complete.
The only reason you would EVER feel bored and complete is if you weren’t listening to what I was saying. It will only be because you were pursuing the girl for validation, attention, and an ego boost.
Had you pursued her with an intent of having fun with her and sharing glorious moments with her, you would know what you want to do with her for the rest of your relationship.
I must re-emphasize: Pursue for joy. Pursue for pleasure. But never pursuer for selfish reasons.
Your Social Life
No one wants to be the loner in the corner of the classroom who never talks to anyone. No one wants to be that guy. We as humans are inept to fit into a bigger group of people. We can’t help but want to socialize. If you deny it to yourself, your ego needs to die now.
So how do you be more social with people and how do you make a ton of friends?
Quite simple and rhetoric in my opinion: Be Friendly.
Yep.
Now when I say that, I’m not saying Be Polite. Oh no no no. Being polite is a way of saying “I don’t want to be your friend, but I don’t want to be your enemy either.” In other words, “Leave me alone.”
Do not ever be polite with someone you want to be genuine friends with. Polite is dull and boring.
Learn to be obnoxious and learn to show off who you are to others. This way they can make out an image of you and they will be comfortable in becoming your friend.
Are you afraid to get shot down? Don’t be. I can say with proof that people are much too alike to shoot each other down for legit reasons unless there is a big big flaw in either one of the two.
If you think there’s something really really weird about you that you think people will absolutely hate, then simply change yourself and adapt.
But if you think you’re normal for the most part, by the way it IS okay to be relatively quiet or relaxed, you’re fine.
The only other reason others would shut you down is if they themselves have a desire to boost their ego and get rid of their insecurities.
Some people think it’s okay to take out their stress on the outside world. Avoid these people like the plague. They’re just like lap dogs. They’ll bow down to those better than them and they’ll spit on the people they think are worse than them.
These people are rare for the most part, so you shouldn’t have to worry about it.
So remember, BE FRIENDLY. Don’t be polite, and avoid the meanies!
Coping with Problems
Now to the biggest part of this entire article: How to deal with shit.
You must start to fix your own problems. Stop relying on the outer-world and start relying on yourself. I’ll show you how to do this.
First, realize the insignificance of your life.
You are not special. You are nothing. You are not better nor worse than anyone else. You will not make a difference in the big picture. You are a build up of matter and energy circulating through space and time.
There are currently seven billion organisms on the big ball of dirt you’re on right now. These organisms were born from the billions before them and will continue to reproduce.
Then within some years, our dreaded sun will die. Leaving us to freeze and die. All the hard work, all the history…gone.
Quite a realistic painting isn’t it? You may be wondering “Then why don’t we all commit suicide?”
Very simple: To feel sensations of pleasure and joy, to feel accomplished, to be able to do things that will make us feel good.
Why else do we live and replicate? Why else?
You must realize that as you are insignificant to this universe, same goes for your problems.
You think the C- on the test actually matters to the world? You think that your flat tire will miraculously make the universe stop?
Even the serious problems we as a population discuss like health care, the economy, war, disease, poverty, are all insignificant.
You should only focus on problems that distort the greater good. This is why people even created government in the first place. To benefit the greater good.
This is why we have charities to support the starving children and this is why we have public hospitals.
So remember that neither you nor your problems are anything special. They’re shmuck, average, mediocre. Get over it and fix them.
Sometimes, we will encounter certain problems too extreme for our instinctive emotions to handle. Take for instance, a death in the family or too big of a build up of stress. What to do then?
If you’re religious, all I can say is Pray. Praying is a form of meditation that is very healthy for the mind and is very healthy for the body. Stress is dissipated through nonviolence and you will feel better soon enough.
When I say pray, I’m not talking about the conservative, peaceful, unemotional prayer.
I’m talking about give up your logic for a second, give up your power, your control, and anything that makes you feel safe in this world and give it all to the Lord. Let him be your source of safety. Let him guide you through your hardships.
It’s okay to cry as well. Crying is a great way to release stress without affecting the safety of others.
What not to do is taking out your stress by resorting to drugs and alcohol. Don’t resort to cutting. Don’t resort to blaming people and finding fault in others. It won’t release any stress and will only create more problems. Don’t be the people you hate who shut down others simply to boost their own egos.
Thank you very much, I hope this article serves as a foundation of the way you perceive life.
<33 Grape
