Committment

[Chris]

Ok. This lesson was taught to me before, but I ignored it, thinking
I knew better. So I'm gonna shoot something out there that was
taught to me (via Xuma's book) and something I ALSO learned
through experience... the hard way. well... sort of the hard way.

You start hanging out with a chick, things are going great for a
while, you guys have "hooked up" a few times. You decide that
this is one you wanna keep around for a while. You want her as
a long term girlfriend...

Don't bring up a relationship with her, even if you know she is
TOTALLY into you. If you want her to committ, SHE has to make
that decision, not YOU. The more free she feels to leave, the more
likely she will stick around. Once you try to obligate her to
committing or "going exclusive," she will often respond by reject-
ing you. She also has the power in that situation now.

Look, I JUST got over this situation. This chick was CHASING me,
everything was going right. I thought for SURE she would want
me as a boyfriend so i talked to her about it. Well, turns out that
yes, she was extremely into me, but there were logistical reasons
that she didn't want to committ. Even though I KNEW i wasnt
supposed to try and tie her down, as learned from Xuma, I sort
of went with my gut.

Well, it didn't work. Things started going downhill after that talk.
I felt like shit because of it. Yes, I did recover, I have my power
and mental stability and equillibrium back, but we remain in a
friends with benefits zone.

The trick then to get them to committ, is A) don't be the one to
bring it up.. let her do that. B) give her fun that no one else offers
her. C) keep her at arms length sometimes so she feels the
contrast from the fun you offer.

Of course, this is just a general rule from Xuma's book, but i agree
with it. There are exceptions to every rule, such as, maybe the
chick is extremely shy and passive and just doesn't have the guts
to talk about "us." In that case, do what you need to do.

...Just thought I'd share some of my input from reality.

[nate303]

But what if she's been crazy about you for almost a year and a half? Who should make the move?

[Andrew]

getting her to commit and having her make the move are different things. Committing is a psychological and emotional investment, and making the move is physically taking a step in a certain direction.

Golden rule for who SHOULD make the first move? Whoever has the bigger balls in the relationship

[Chris]

the way i see it, the aggressive girls will bring up committment.

in the case of a shy girl, i would still give it plenty of time before
you talk about it to make sure its what YOU want. then if you
know she would want a relationship, having that talk about "us"
with her should be fine.