Post by Le Dude on Apr 16, 2010 12:30:06 GMT -5
Honestly, when it comes to establishing a relationship with the object of your desires there is a whole bunch of relationship politics. Most of it is pretty simple to navigate through. Don't kiss and tell, limit the debauchery included in your Bro Downs. These kinds of things are obvious. This next thing is also pretty obvious but some people make mistakes here (I know I did).
Friends. Specifically, her friends. This high pressure group she lugs around everywhere is the aspiring boyfriend's worst enemy...or best friend. Depends on how you spin it.
Actually meeting them requires a hell of a lot of thought. You need to be absolutely sure that the girl is in to you...REALLY in to you, in the case that they don't like you. It happens often, and the "Friend Circle" can be VERY persuasive, almost magically so. A girl may be all over you one day and the next day she might be completely turned off. I'm not talking about Push/Pull, I mean full blown shut down. That's the work of your worst enemy.
If you are absolutely sure her friends will like you, its perfectly fine to meet them, even right away. Such was the case with my current girlfriend, I had started talking to her on facebook and we decided to chill...for old time's sake (like 10 years old times), she invited me to ice skate with her friends. Me being the smug bastard I am accepted, and I went through the gauntlet.
Meeting a girl's friends is almost as make or break as meeting her parents, but the situation seems less...dire.
Some tips, let them know who you are. Don't try to conform to what you think they'll like. Most of a girl's friends are also girls...girls find it rather easy to weed through bullshit. Along with that, if you picked up a bit of asshole from doing all this PUA stuff, tone it down. Its totally fine to call the girl on her shit, to call her friends on their shit. But there's a fine line there. You've got to let the little things slide, and when you do poke fun, keep it strictly light hearted.
Scenario
----------
Girl: He's talking to an inaminate object.
You: Wow, somebody's gotta catch up on their spelling
-----------
That kind of thing is like throwing yourself in a pot of boiling water and closing the lid. "Inaminate?" would make the girl and everyone else see the folly and its much more fun...you're not coming at anybody's intelligence.
On the other hand, if you decide not to meet them, there's a limit to how long you can put it off. If you and your desire went on say...three dates, and she's still insisting you come hang out with her and her friends, the whole "something's come up" becomes counter productive. That elusive person you colored yourself as becomes someone that comes off a tad bit insecure about themselves.
The best way to go about it is to not even let her bring up hanging out with her friends. That puts her and her friends in control of the situation and throws you into a position where they need to form an opinion from ground zero. Bringing up the issue first allows you to set up a "date" with her and her friends, in a position where you are portrayed in the best light possible.
"Hey, I'm going to this party at Malcolm's Friday, you're invited. You coming? Yeah? Cool, hey, you can brings some friends with you too, y'know, the more the merrier." That kind of thing. They still get to decide if you're the coolest guy on the face of 21st Century Earth, but, they're more likely to accept and genuienly like you after you supply them a night of fun. You don't even have to be going to a party, going bowling with a few of your friends, your "target" and a few of her friends works fine too.
Friends. Specifically, her friends. This high pressure group she lugs around everywhere is the aspiring boyfriend's worst enemy...or best friend. Depends on how you spin it.
Actually meeting them requires a hell of a lot of thought. You need to be absolutely sure that the girl is in to you...REALLY in to you, in the case that they don't like you. It happens often, and the "Friend Circle" can be VERY persuasive, almost magically so. A girl may be all over you one day and the next day she might be completely turned off. I'm not talking about Push/Pull, I mean full blown shut down. That's the work of your worst enemy.
If you are absolutely sure her friends will like you, its perfectly fine to meet them, even right away. Such was the case with my current girlfriend, I had started talking to her on facebook and we decided to chill...for old time's sake (like 10 years old times), she invited me to ice skate with her friends. Me being the smug bastard I am accepted, and I went through the gauntlet.
Meeting a girl's friends is almost as make or break as meeting her parents, but the situation seems less...dire.
Some tips, let them know who you are. Don't try to conform to what you think they'll like. Most of a girl's friends are also girls...girls find it rather easy to weed through bullshit. Along with that, if you picked up a bit of asshole from doing all this PUA stuff, tone it down. Its totally fine to call the girl on her shit, to call her friends on their shit. But there's a fine line there. You've got to let the little things slide, and when you do poke fun, keep it strictly light hearted.
Scenario
----------
Girl: He's talking to an inaminate object.
You: Wow, somebody's gotta catch up on their spelling
-----------
That kind of thing is like throwing yourself in a pot of boiling water and closing the lid. "Inaminate?" would make the girl and everyone else see the folly and its much more fun...you're not coming at anybody's intelligence.
On the other hand, if you decide not to meet them, there's a limit to how long you can put it off. If you and your desire went on say...three dates, and she's still insisting you come hang out with her and her friends, the whole "something's come up" becomes counter productive. That elusive person you colored yourself as becomes someone that comes off a tad bit insecure about themselves.
The best way to go about it is to not even let her bring up hanging out with her friends. That puts her and her friends in control of the situation and throws you into a position where they need to form an opinion from ground zero. Bringing up the issue first allows you to set up a "date" with her and her friends, in a position where you are portrayed in the best light possible.
"Hey, I'm going to this party at Malcolm's Friday, you're invited. You coming? Yeah? Cool, hey, you can brings some friends with you too, y'know, the more the merrier." That kind of thing. They still get to decide if you're the coolest guy on the face of 21st Century Earth, but, they're more likely to accept and genuienly like you after you supply them a night of fun. You don't even have to be going to a party, going bowling with a few of your friends, your "target" and a few of her friends works fine too.