Post by Lego on Nov 19, 2010 20:42:01 GMT -5
Long time lurker rarely poster, anyway, i got a buddy (fellow pua actually) and he gets me thinking sometimes and now i'm feeling philosophical.
See he always seems to brag/parade about getting girls, having many girls "on the hook" at the same time and so on, but he very rarely closes any of them, sometimes he seems to be happy just to have them chasing him but that's not the point.
I started wondering, is he gaming girls because he sincerely wants them or is he just doing it so he can feel good and get recognition from other guys? Boosting his ego through feeling like a player and getting buddies to see him as a player.
I think that if you let the second reason become too big, and you start gaming girls to feed your ego MORE than it's because you really want that girl, you will eventually become a slave to your own ego. Now this applies to tons of other aspects in life, are you doing this for yourself or are you trying to get recognition from other people?
A good answer might be "both", but i don't think that's where you want to be, because what happens when you try to succeed at something, be it with girls, career or whatever, and you feel that it will give you a ego boost, and you don't succeed? The effect will turn against you, because you didn't get that boost you crave so badly, therefore, letting any success in life build your ego surely feels good but it also makes you vulnerable, because you become addicted to it. The bigger your ego is, the more fragile it is, and when you take a hit to your big ego, your ego has a tendency to bring your confidence down with it. The problem a LOT of people have is that once they get a ego boost, they kind of rest their confidence on top of their ego, posing a bigger confidence than they really have, then when their ego dies, confidence goes down with it.
Don't mix up confidence and ego, they are two separate things, and when a guy gets amogged or fails at picking up a girl, people usually say "oh poor guy his confidence got brought down etc.", when IMO confidence isn't the issue here, the issue is that the guy actually let whatever happened to him GET TO HIS EGO and not TO HIM. See, your ego is just like a second confidence that builds up when you succeed and falls apart when you experience setbacks, the problem is that people tend to embrace their big ego and feed it more and more because it feels good and makes them feel better than other people.
So simply put your EGO becomes like a balloon that goes up and down based on your success and setbacks and it always needs to be fed with success or it will go down on its own, but you must realize that you ARE not your success and setbacks. Put your ego aside and show the world your confidence behind all your success/failures.
Realize that you don't really have any right to feel better than anyone else, you are not really special. Once you manage to stop showing off your big ego, you can instead display your true self confidence, which cannot be brought down by itself.
i might sound like im a freaking shrink or something and i might just be talking nonsense. but it made more sense when me and my other buddy discussed it, what do you guys think?
See he always seems to brag/parade about getting girls, having many girls "on the hook" at the same time and so on, but he very rarely closes any of them, sometimes he seems to be happy just to have them chasing him but that's not the point.
I started wondering, is he gaming girls because he sincerely wants them or is he just doing it so he can feel good and get recognition from other guys? Boosting his ego through feeling like a player and getting buddies to see him as a player.
I think that if you let the second reason become too big, and you start gaming girls to feed your ego MORE than it's because you really want that girl, you will eventually become a slave to your own ego. Now this applies to tons of other aspects in life, are you doing this for yourself or are you trying to get recognition from other people?
A good answer might be "both", but i don't think that's where you want to be, because what happens when you try to succeed at something, be it with girls, career or whatever, and you feel that it will give you a ego boost, and you don't succeed? The effect will turn against you, because you didn't get that boost you crave so badly, therefore, letting any success in life build your ego surely feels good but it also makes you vulnerable, because you become addicted to it. The bigger your ego is, the more fragile it is, and when you take a hit to your big ego, your ego has a tendency to bring your confidence down with it. The problem a LOT of people have is that once they get a ego boost, they kind of rest their confidence on top of their ego, posing a bigger confidence than they really have, then when their ego dies, confidence goes down with it.
Don't mix up confidence and ego, they are two separate things, and when a guy gets amogged or fails at picking up a girl, people usually say "oh poor guy his confidence got brought down etc.", when IMO confidence isn't the issue here, the issue is that the guy actually let whatever happened to him GET TO HIS EGO and not TO HIM. See, your ego is just like a second confidence that builds up when you succeed and falls apart when you experience setbacks, the problem is that people tend to embrace their big ego and feed it more and more because it feels good and makes them feel better than other people.
So simply put your EGO becomes like a balloon that goes up and down based on your success and setbacks and it always needs to be fed with success or it will go down on its own, but you must realize that you ARE not your success and setbacks. Put your ego aside and show the world your confidence behind all your success/failures.
Realize that you don't really have any right to feel better than anyone else, you are not really special. Once you manage to stop showing off your big ego, you can instead display your true self confidence, which cannot be brought down by itself.
i might sound like im a freaking shrink or something and i might just be talking nonsense. but it made more sense when me and my other buddy discussed it, what do you guys think?
I am happy you have begun to understand this. I recommend reading the power of now, t validates everything you're saying.
