Cheating?

[scripts]

What is cheating? Style defines it in one of his "Style Life Academy" videos as having your partner unaware of the other person. So it's basically the lack of truth. He says that as long as the girl says it's alright then you're good. She can even say "You can have my friend as a FB". But what other ideas are there about this issue?

[tykenfitz]

If it's not sex, it's not cheating.

Though, probably most would disagree with me.

[Keysersoze]

Cheating is anything where you are getting physically intimate with a person outside of your partner, without an established precedent. It’s not a black and white issue; it’s completely dependent on the relationship and expectations they’ve set between each other.

However, I think your own answer a little; it’s not just about a lack of honesty.

If you want a relationship you have to be crystal clear about what you expect from it. There has to be a few simple principles you base the relationship on, and for me they are David X’s three; Honesty, Trust and Respect.

But what does that mean to you? Because everyone has their own interpretation of what those standards mean to them.

Here’s how I set up my relationships:

For me a relationship is a very important thing which I won’t chuck myself into without some heavy thought. I have three basic expectations in a relationship, which I expect from a girl, before I’ll be in an exclusive relationship with her. They are respect, honesty and trust; if a girl can meet those three requirements then I’ll be completely happy dating her and her alone.

Respect –
To me respect means setting standards which I expect both of us to live up to; I don’t want my girl talking to me about the problems she’s having with other guys she’s seeing, I don’t want her even attempting to hook up with other guys when I’m around, and I don’t want to meet them or even know details about them. Without respect there is no relationship, it’s a dictatorship; one party is abusing the other in my view.

And if she can respect my standards and live within them without compromising her own values then I’ll accept her standards and live within them, as long as they don’t conflict with mine.

If that does happens, I’ll talk to her about it instantly; I’ll tell her what I can and can’t do and if neither of us feels we can work around the differences then obviously the relationship wouldn’t work anyway, and I’ll explain this to her.

Honesty –
Now honesty is a big one, and I expect nothing less than complete honesty from a girl; if she’s seeing three other guys, and I ask her about it, I want her to tell me the truth. If she has something on her mind, I want her to express herself. If she can’t be honest with me how can I trust or respect her?

So she knows if she wants to be treated a certain way she has to treat me a certain way; I’m honest with what I think and feel, and she should be the same. There is no time for bullshitting; I’m a pretty busy guy and if she can’t cut the crap, then I simply won’t have enough time to fit her into my life.

If she can do that I can promise her I will always respect her enough to reciprocate with my own complete honesty and a guarantee to be delicate with her feelings too; I’m not out to brazenly act like a selfish inconsiderate prick, I’ll pick my words carefully and delicately without compromising the message.

Trust –
And finally trust. My trust is something a girl has to really earn; if she can show me that she can be honest and respectful of me, then I’ll trust her. There is no reason not to trust someone who is honest with you, and takes into account your own feelings. You can trust that person because they have no ulterior motive; there is nothing to hide.

But as you can imagine this grows out of the first two, and because of this it can take a considerable amount of time before I’ll trust someone enough to consider being exclusive with them.

So I have a rule of dating a girl for a while, openly, because only with time can you really find out all you need to know about someone. And by dating them openly there is enough room to gauge how honest and respectful a person is with you, and ultimately whether you can truly trust them enough to be in a serious, monogamous relationship with that person.

Technical stuff–
You could call it a pre-frame, but in its most basic form I’m simply imposing my reality on them in an honest and sincere way. This is pretty much what outer game comes down to in my opinion.

Inner – Your reality.
Outer – Imposing your reality.

[Keysersoze]

Dec 17, 2010 20:33:01 GMT -5 tykenfitz said:

If it's not sex, it's not cheating.

Though, probably most would disagree with me.

I'd love to see you walk in on your next girlfriend and see her going down on a guy, because that would very quickly change your definition of cheating.

Seriously dude, that was just a brash throw away comment, right? you didn't actually mean that?

[Contempt]

I think it can only be considered cheating if you are in a legitimate relationship (dating etc). If a girl you've just hooked up with gets mad at you for being with another girl, its her problem. You two werent in a relationship. You were just being a manwhore

-Contempt

[scripts]

Thanks guys, I'll put all the aspects into consideration when I make my choice between these three.

Dec 19, 2010 11:39:24 GMT -5 Contempt said:

I think it can only be considered cheating if you are in a legitimate relationship (dating etc). If a girl you've just hooked up with gets mad at you for being with another girl, its her problem. You two werent in a relationship. You were just being a manwhore

-Contempt

LOL that actually made me laugh out loud. That's very similar to what that advice of another guy I know.

[RMO]

I agree with contempt, I like keysersoze's post, those are my 3 standards, but in the end the only reason that cheating can exist is if your in a legitimate relationship and one or both of the partners get in a close physical relationship with someone else and the other partner disapproves.

[tykenfitz]

Dec 19, 2010 9:20:15 GMT -5 Keysersoze said:

Dec 17, 2010 20:33:01 GMT -5 tykenfitz said:

If it's not sex, it's not cheating.

Though, probably most would disagree with me.

I'd love to see you walk in on your next girlfriend and see her going down on a guy, because that would very quickly change your definition of cheating.

Seriously dude, that was just a brash throw away comment, right? you didn't actually mean that?

oral sex = cheating.

but, i guess you're right. I guess any physical intimacy would be cheating.

but, honestly it's all about what you two agree on, it could range wildly depending on the people

[sublime4life]

Its not cheating if you're in a different area code. (;

[Validus]

Dec 30, 2010 2:28:03 GMT -5 sublime4life said:

Its not cheating if you're in a different area code. (;

Exactly, because in that case.. It just never happened