Post by Grape on Nov 7, 2008 18:31:09 GMT -5
Wow, too many guys in this community take this "alpha mindset" and go WAY overboard with it.
"you should never let a woman tell you what you are supposed to be doing. you are the MAN and you should be taking charge of the situation always. there is never, EVER when you should be obeying what she says unless she's your boss or something at work.
but if it's your girlfriend, friend, whatever, then she should be listening to what the MAN has to say about the situation.
and you definately should never be holding something of hers, like definately not her purse or some stupid thing.
it's all about how you project yourself to be, what kind of a man they think you are. if they see you as a punk, they will try to mess with you like this and make you look stupid doing some submissive sh1t like holding her purse.
u gotta man up and this stuff won't happen any more"
There's one example.
The MAN is ALWAYS in the lead, NEVER does what the woman says or asks, ALWAYS commands the woman, you get the idea. This is just NOT realistic for daily life. Seriously.
Sure, you're the man and you take the lead. Sure, you control most interactions, especially in the beginning. Sure, you don't want to be stuck holding her purse, drink, whatever the first night you meet her.
However, there is an extreme to this mindset that is not good. Even for bad boys, such as myself (and anyone that hangs out with me regularly would say that's what I am), even for us we don't become total assholes which is what the typical alpha mindset is.
There is a balance to be had here. On one side we have the assholes that are mentioned here, on the other side we have the total wimps that let a girl completely walk all over them.
Listen, in your normal daily living, NEITHER of these extremes will work. Neither will consistently build attraction, neither will keep you out of the LJBF zone, neither will build a social circle of people that WANT to be around you.
You do need to take the lead, since you're the man, and she's looking for the leader. You do need to keep the frame and control the interactions. You DON'T need to be her boss and control everything that she does. She is a human, a person of value, and deserves to be treated as such. Remember, a part of being TRUE alpha is that you are SECURE in yourself. You don't have to be a warlord to validate yourself externally. You're calm and cool at your core, so you can be calm and cool on the outside as well. You don't "need" to dominate her in every way, all the time, 24/7. If that's what you feel the need to do, you are NOT alpha. You're overbearing, controlling, BETA, and need to grow up.
In real life, there is a definite place for kindness, for guys to be nice to girls, for guys to help girls, for guys to get input from girls. If you disagree, you're living in a fantasy land that will NEVER materialize in the real world.
You can buy things for girls, when appropriate. You can compliment them, when appropriate. You can smile at them (sarcasm intended). You can and SHOULD get input from them, get their opinions, their views. It's a HEALTHY thing to do.
Think about it this way, they are fellow human beings with life experience, with feelings, with desires, with ideas, with opinions, with input, with valued expertise in areas that you don't have knowledge. So, why not involve them? Even . . . dare I say . . . equally?
Does all this mean you have to bend over backwards and do everything in your power to please them? No. Should they be expected to bend over backwards and always do everything in their power to please you? No. Neither of these is a valid alpha mindset on your part.
In short, it comes down to you being mature and being comfortable with yourself. Why do I find myself constantly telling guys they need to be comfortable with themselves? lol.
"you should never let a woman tell you what you are supposed to be doing. you are the MAN and you should be taking charge of the situation always. there is never, EVER when you should be obeying what she says unless she's your boss or something at work.
but if it's your girlfriend, friend, whatever, then she should be listening to what the MAN has to say about the situation.
and you definately should never be holding something of hers, like definately not her purse or some stupid thing.
it's all about how you project yourself to be, what kind of a man they think you are. if they see you as a punk, they will try to mess with you like this and make you look stupid doing some submissive sh1t like holding her purse.
u gotta man up and this stuff won't happen any more"
There's one example.
The MAN is ALWAYS in the lead, NEVER does what the woman says or asks, ALWAYS commands the woman, you get the idea. This is just NOT realistic for daily life. Seriously.
Sure, you're the man and you take the lead. Sure, you control most interactions, especially in the beginning. Sure, you don't want to be stuck holding her purse, drink, whatever the first night you meet her.
However, there is an extreme to this mindset that is not good. Even for bad boys, such as myself (and anyone that hangs out with me regularly would say that's what I am), even for us we don't become total assholes which is what the typical alpha mindset is.
There is a balance to be had here. On one side we have the assholes that are mentioned here, on the other side we have the total wimps that let a girl completely walk all over them.
Listen, in your normal daily living, NEITHER of these extremes will work. Neither will consistently build attraction, neither will keep you out of the LJBF zone, neither will build a social circle of people that WANT to be around you.
You do need to take the lead, since you're the man, and she's looking for the leader. You do need to keep the frame and control the interactions. You DON'T need to be her boss and control everything that she does. She is a human, a person of value, and deserves to be treated as such. Remember, a part of being TRUE alpha is that you are SECURE in yourself. You don't have to be a warlord to validate yourself externally. You're calm and cool at your core, so you can be calm and cool on the outside as well. You don't "need" to dominate her in every way, all the time, 24/7. If that's what you feel the need to do, you are NOT alpha. You're overbearing, controlling, BETA, and need to grow up.
In real life, there is a definite place for kindness, for guys to be nice to girls, for guys to help girls, for guys to get input from girls. If you disagree, you're living in a fantasy land that will NEVER materialize in the real world.
You can buy things for girls, when appropriate. You can compliment them, when appropriate. You can smile at them (sarcasm intended). You can and SHOULD get input from them, get their opinions, their views. It's a HEALTHY thing to do.
Think about it this way, they are fellow human beings with life experience, with feelings, with desires, with ideas, with opinions, with input, with valued expertise in areas that you don't have knowledge. So, why not involve them? Even . . . dare I say . . . equally?
Does all this mean you have to bend over backwards and do everything in your power to please them? No. Should they be expected to bend over backwards and always do everything in their power to please you? No. Neither of these is a valid alpha mindset on your part.
In short, it comes down to you being mature and being comfortable with yourself. Why do I find myself constantly telling guys they need to be comfortable with themselves? lol.
