Post by Grape on Nov 7, 2008 18:32:33 GMT -5
All of these terms are pretty much interchangeable in PUA. What do they mean though?
In a word . . . connection.
That's right. It's all about the connection. Building the connection with the girl in one way or another.
Girls look for signs to see if you are "congruent" or not with yourself. Some girls talk about a "vibe". Some talk about how a guy has so much "charisma". It all boils down to the girl feeling the connection with you.
When your game is tight, all three of these things can and will be said about you. You will be congruent, you will have the vibe, and you will have charisma. It's all in the package.
If one is off, it will all be off.
For instance, you can put forward a false charisma, but since you aren't congruent with yourself, the cracks will start to show and the truth will come out. She will start to see that you aren't what you put forth at first. Obviously this will end up turning her off. You aren't congruent.
Keep in mind, being mysterious isn't the same thing as being incongruent. Being mysterious simply means you don't reveal all of yourself right away. Far different from being incongruent.
You've seen the guy that is so smooth with his words. He has everyone captivated while he's speaking. More and more people are drawn to him as he talks. He's got charisma. You're either jealous of that guy . . . or you are him.
You've also seen the guy that has the girls finding him irresistible. They can't get enough of him. He's the party. He's the center of attention, at least with the girls. He's got that vibe they can't get enough of. You're either wishing you were that guy . . . or you are him.
You've seen the subtle looks, heard the tricky questions. The girl asking you specific things, giving you skeptical looks, checking into you. Looking deeper. Sometimes even after you've been having what you thought was a great time with her. She's looking, digging, wanting to see if you are congruent with her initial impression. You've seen the cool guy that isn't phased by this. The guy that blows through this shit test. He knows who he is and isn't worried about cracks showing through. The girl sees this and moves on, past her shit test. You've either seen this guy and wondered how he did it . . . or you are him.
Now, it sounds like these three are separate qualities to be achieved, but in reality it all comes from your core. From who you really are. As I said, it all boils down to the connection you build with the girl. Is it a real connection with the real you? If so, you'll be fine. If not . . . you're asking for trouble.
Before you ask . . . "who am I?", realize that I can't tell you who YOU are. I can only tell you how you come across. This is something you have to find yourself, by digging deeper into yourself. What kind of person are you? Sure, long time friends and family that have really paid attention to you can give you insight into this, but you have to uncover it in your own mind as well. You have to come to terms with it within yourself.
You build these deep layers right, being honest with yourself, and the top layers will show the real you. When this happens, you will be a rock with the girls. They can't shake you, because you know who you are. When they see this, it will increase their attraction even more toward you . . . or scare her off if she can't handle who you really are. If this is the case, you don't need to mess with her anyway.
The goal is to be yourself at all times. You start at your core, build on that core, and stick to that core. This is the foundation to having charisma, to having the total vibe, to being congruent.
Granted you may have to strip layers off of yourself, your core, to rebuild. However, in the process you will end up better, because you will have the total package. This also leads to more confidence overall. The total package also makes you practically irresistible to the right girl. So, you see, there are many advantages to achieving this. It will take some work, but it will be worth it in the end.
In a word . . . connection.
That's right. It's all about the connection. Building the connection with the girl in one way or another.
Girls look for signs to see if you are "congruent" or not with yourself. Some girls talk about a "vibe". Some talk about how a guy has so much "charisma". It all boils down to the girl feeling the connection with you.
When your game is tight, all three of these things can and will be said about you. You will be congruent, you will have the vibe, and you will have charisma. It's all in the package.
If one is off, it will all be off.
For instance, you can put forward a false charisma, but since you aren't congruent with yourself, the cracks will start to show and the truth will come out. She will start to see that you aren't what you put forth at first. Obviously this will end up turning her off. You aren't congruent.
Keep in mind, being mysterious isn't the same thing as being incongruent. Being mysterious simply means you don't reveal all of yourself right away. Far different from being incongruent.
You've seen the guy that is so smooth with his words. He has everyone captivated while he's speaking. More and more people are drawn to him as he talks. He's got charisma. You're either jealous of that guy . . . or you are him.
You've also seen the guy that has the girls finding him irresistible. They can't get enough of him. He's the party. He's the center of attention, at least with the girls. He's got that vibe they can't get enough of. You're either wishing you were that guy . . . or you are him.
You've seen the subtle looks, heard the tricky questions. The girl asking you specific things, giving you skeptical looks, checking into you. Looking deeper. Sometimes even after you've been having what you thought was a great time with her. She's looking, digging, wanting to see if you are congruent with her initial impression. You've seen the cool guy that isn't phased by this. The guy that blows through this shit test. He knows who he is and isn't worried about cracks showing through. The girl sees this and moves on, past her shit test. You've either seen this guy and wondered how he did it . . . or you are him.
Now, it sounds like these three are separate qualities to be achieved, but in reality it all comes from your core. From who you really are. As I said, it all boils down to the connection you build with the girl. Is it a real connection with the real you? If so, you'll be fine. If not . . . you're asking for trouble.
Before you ask . . . "who am I?", realize that I can't tell you who YOU are. I can only tell you how you come across. This is something you have to find yourself, by digging deeper into yourself. What kind of person are you? Sure, long time friends and family that have really paid attention to you can give you insight into this, but you have to uncover it in your own mind as well. You have to come to terms with it within yourself.
You build these deep layers right, being honest with yourself, and the top layers will show the real you. When this happens, you will be a rock with the girls. They can't shake you, because you know who you are. When they see this, it will increase their attraction even more toward you . . . or scare her off if she can't handle who you really are. If this is the case, you don't need to mess with her anyway.
The goal is to be yourself at all times. You start at your core, build on that core, and stick to that core. This is the foundation to having charisma, to having the total vibe, to being congruent.
Granted you may have to strip layers off of yourself, your core, to rebuild. However, in the process you will end up better, because you will have the total package. This also leads to more confidence overall. The total package also makes you practically irresistible to the right girl. So, you see, there are many advantages to achieving this. It will take some work, but it will be worth it in the end.
