Post by Chris on Nov 9, 2008 17:38:24 GMT -5
As most of you know, girls are attracted to certain personality traits. They could be called "attraction switches." As important as it is to possess these personality traits, I also think there is a "dark side" to each trait. In other words the trait is taken to an unstable extreme. So here are a few spectrums of the personality traits vs. their dark sides:
Dominant vs. Domineering
Being dominant is an attraction switch, we all know that. However, it's dark side-domineering-is quite the opposite. Being dominant shows you are an Alpha Male and you are in control of the situation. You aren't scared of things. Domineering on the other hand comes from insecurity. It is when someone is literally trying to dominate another person and only accept submissiveness. This comes from the lack of confidence in your dominance.
Leader vs. Controlling
Being a good leader is not about ordering people around, or controlling them. It's about finding potential in others, and helping them reach that. It's about taking people where they should be. You are not trying to control other people with your leadership role. If they want to follow you, great. If not, that's their loss. Trying to control others all the time and constantly ordering them around comes from the insecurity of thinking they will not follow you. Lead people on fun adventures, showing the way for them. If they choose not to, oh well, you are still a leader just by being decisive.
Confident vs. "Hubris"
Being confident is having a strong belief in yourself. It is the feeling of knowing you will be able to take care of whatever needs to be done. "Hubris" is actually a myth about a father and a son escaping from a prison with wings stuck together with wax. When Hubris, (the son) gets overly confident, he flies to close to the sun and it melts the wax and he falls to his death. This is the bad kind of over-confidence. It's where you actually think you are better than other people. If you are Hubris and you finally do lose, people will thank the Gods. I'm sure you guys have seen these people at your school. They are sooo damn cocky and they think they are so much better than everyone that when they lose in whatever it is they do, you just think "Thank God." Now don't get this mixed up with cocky & funny. C&F is a great technique BECAUSE IT IS FUNNY. If it is just cocky, it doesn't work as you know. Confidence vs. Hubris is like belief in yourself vs. external ego. Focus on your inner confidence. Don't be the pure cocky ass egotistical dumb ass who thinks he is better than everyone. Have an inner confidence that you have what it takes to make things happen. It will show.
Unpredictable vs. Unstable
I don't think too many guys have problems with this but I will address it anyway because when a newbie learns unpredictability is a good thing, he may easily get carried away. You obviously want to be unpredictable because it creates suspense, anticipation, and keeps the girl on the edge of her seat. It's exciting. Things like push/pull, sending mixed signals, and reacting differently to the same thing accomplish this. You need to take people on a thrilling adventure. However it DOESN'T TAKE MUCH TO BE UNPREDICTABLE ONCE YOU KNOW A LOT OF THIS KNOWLEDGE. Being C&F alone is unpredictable. You don't wanna come across as the freaky unstable guy who says weird shit all the time and runs around school screaming. You wanna be the guy who makes things exciting and fun, taking people on a roller coaster of emotions.
Challenging vs. Completely Aloof
Being a challenge is very important in this game. You need to know how to do it the right way though. If you NEVER show interest throughout the whole relationship, such as qualifiying, you are rarely going to get where you wanted to go. To be a challenge, be C&F, use push/pull, qualify her then take away. Being totally aloof all the time will just bore her. You want to be someone who gives her a challenge and a chase while letting her gradually win you over, never 100% won over though. Lasting attraction comes from her not being quite all the way there.
Vulnerability vs. Insecurity
When you show your vulnerable side, it should be done after attracting the girl, first off. revealing vulnerability creates rapport. The down side to doing this is turning into a wuss-bag from hell when you "open up." When you are revealing vulnerability, you need to keep your status and role as the dominant man in the relationship. Don't be revealing your insecurities like "ohh i actually get so nervous talking to you sometimes, I just don't feel like I deserve you." That will send her running the other direction FASTER THAN ANYTHING! Qualifying her in itself reveals vulnerability. When you are revealing vulnerability, you wanna be the guy who creates a connection through talking about eachother's lives, not the guy who "shares his deep true feelings" with her.
Now it's up to you to find the right balance and adapt the correct personality traits. Hope this helps some of you.