Post by RedDog on May 4, 2011 19:22:58 GMT -5
I was thinking about this yesterday and today (just went over this with a girl but it's something I've done a while).
One important but often overlooked concept with girls is the concept of girls not wanting to be called sluts or appear like sluts to their friends(the bedroom itself can be a different story.
). Anyone into RSD knows this as ASD, Anti Slut Defense. If you're not into terms, then call it whatever you want (Chick Logic is kinda how I think of it) but the concept is the same.
In a nutshell(there's articles on this everywhere), girls operate on social status(It's definitely a top 3 most important thing to most of them, if not the most) and one of the more undesireable things to be known as to MOST girls(Yes, there are girls that really don't mind being known as sluts, and of course as I said, in the bedroom anything can go, it's not being slutty(sexual) they hate, it's the label) is to be known as loose, easy, skanky, whatever synonym you think applies. There's some deep evolutionary reasoning for it but I forget it at the moment and it's not important to know the reasoning(like I said, it has to do with social status.) Anyways, ASD/Chick Logic is basically to let the male lead the interaction so she can justify herself/others with stuff like "He swept me off my feet" or "It all happened so fast" etc. This is basically why a girl won't come up to you and start making out with you right away. This concept is kind of a blessing in disguise though, because it can work out to your advantage in more than one way.
If there's one thing everyone should know about high school, it's that secrets cannot be kept and that news spreads like wildfire. I'm sure none of us could even count the amount a times a week we hear gossip, in some form. There's two kinds that are most prevalent, one having to do with how much of a bitch someone is or something like that, aka insults, and then stuff about either guys bragging about who they've banged, or about this girl who gives alot of head, or this girl who takes it in the ass, etc. We even do it on our lay reports, though those are really of no harm because there's practically no way it'd go back to your own social circle unless someone just wanted to mess with you really badly haha.(I don't do lay reports in part because I'm lazy and in part because of this, but it's no big deal and you're better off telling it here and getting it out of your system if you just HAVE to tell someone).
First of all, bragging about girls just comes off kinda douchebag and incongruent unless that's the topic of conversation. I mean, I'm sure you have heard guys do it, if it's not bragging then talking about girls like that. The problem that most guys don't realize is that this can come back to bite them in the ass. If you've hooked up with a girl then you may have some experience in this category, but that experience is not needed to learn this concept. It's not just bragging about your own conquests, but even calling a girl a slut/skank et al can be detrimental. Basically, when a girl hears you being judgemental of sex, she in turn will feel that you will judge HER In sex, aka if you are calling girls sluts left and right, then she will probably think that you will think of HER As a slut. What does that mean? You just made yourself an uphill climb. Now she won't want to escalate as fast, she could be all over you but make you wait a while to hook up in fear of that judgement. And that's just basic stuff. Want to do a girl in the ass, threesomes, anything wilder than missionary? Yep, she'd feel judged if you come across as that kind of person. This is simply the wrong path to go down.
As I said though, this whole concept has an advantage for both you and her. For you, if you are able to show you are non judgemental and can make her feel comfortable, chances are she'll do almost anything. That's not PUA bullshit, it's true in some capacity with every girl(though how you get there can differ greatly). Since there are not that many guys that are truly non judgemental of sex and whatnot, if you become one of them, your value goes up fairly high. There's some things not to do though, which I've kind of touched on: Don't call a girl a slut/synonym of slut, Don't comment when someone brings up how slutty a girl is(other than to brush it off like, "that's her buisness"), Don't comment when someone brings up things like roleplay, anal whatever it is other than basic missionary in a negative light. When someone asks you who you've gotten with, be like "I Don't kiss and tell"(It's cheesy, but.) or something to that extent. (This works great for guys that haven't hooked up yet but want to play it off by saying that.) a combination of this is the best way to show a girl that you won't be like every other guy and be judgemental etc. (NOTE: Show, don't tell. If you go up to a girl and be like "Let's have sex and I won't tell, odds aren't in your favor that she'll agree. The Show don't tell concept is basically applied to all of pua, but just another reminder.)
For the girl, girls are looking for that kind of guy that won't make a big deal about sex or make her feel like she's just a huge slut. She may BE a huge slut in your eyes, but for goodness sake, don't let her know. It's better of course to stop being judgemental about sex at all, but it's not an overnight flip of the switch so just play it cool. Again, it's not that she won't be sexually free and do whatever, but she has to feel comfortable, receptive, and safe. If she gets all of this, then it works out well for her, because then she gets to have her fun and the amazing emotions that come from hooking up, without the after effects(those aforementioned phrases, which is why taking the lead is SO IMPORTANT.)
If your inner game is through the roof and you're not a judgemental person, this will be easy for you and it will show through in your interactions, but not everyone is that confident at this stage, so the important thing is to just take the concept and try to adapt it as best you can. Odds are you'll see improvement, and if not, at least you learn how to not judge people so much.
EDIT: Hit the post button early, going back and fixing it.
One important but often overlooked concept with girls is the concept of girls not wanting to be called sluts or appear like sluts to their friends(the bedroom itself can be a different story.
). Anyone into RSD knows this as ASD, Anti Slut Defense. If you're not into terms, then call it whatever you want (Chick Logic is kinda how I think of it) but the concept is the same. In a nutshell(there's articles on this everywhere), girls operate on social status(It's definitely a top 3 most important thing to most of them, if not the most) and one of the more undesireable things to be known as to MOST girls(Yes, there are girls that really don't mind being known as sluts, and of course as I said, in the bedroom anything can go, it's not being slutty(sexual) they hate, it's the label) is to be known as loose, easy, skanky, whatever synonym you think applies. There's some deep evolutionary reasoning for it but I forget it at the moment and it's not important to know the reasoning(like I said, it has to do with social status.) Anyways, ASD/Chick Logic is basically to let the male lead the interaction so she can justify herself/others with stuff like "He swept me off my feet" or "It all happened so fast" etc. This is basically why a girl won't come up to you and start making out with you right away. This concept is kind of a blessing in disguise though, because it can work out to your advantage in more than one way.
If there's one thing everyone should know about high school, it's that secrets cannot be kept and that news spreads like wildfire. I'm sure none of us could even count the amount a times a week we hear gossip, in some form. There's two kinds that are most prevalent, one having to do with how much of a bitch someone is or something like that, aka insults, and then stuff about either guys bragging about who they've banged, or about this girl who gives alot of head, or this girl who takes it in the ass, etc. We even do it on our lay reports, though those are really of no harm because there's practically no way it'd go back to your own social circle unless someone just wanted to mess with you really badly haha.(I don't do lay reports in part because I'm lazy and in part because of this, but it's no big deal and you're better off telling it here and getting it out of your system if you just HAVE to tell someone).
First of all, bragging about girls just comes off kinda douchebag and incongruent unless that's the topic of conversation. I mean, I'm sure you have heard guys do it, if it's not bragging then talking about girls like that. The problem that most guys don't realize is that this can come back to bite them in the ass. If you've hooked up with a girl then you may have some experience in this category, but that experience is not needed to learn this concept. It's not just bragging about your own conquests, but even calling a girl a slut/skank et al can be detrimental. Basically, when a girl hears you being judgemental of sex, she in turn will feel that you will judge HER In sex, aka if you are calling girls sluts left and right, then she will probably think that you will think of HER As a slut. What does that mean? You just made yourself an uphill climb. Now she won't want to escalate as fast, she could be all over you but make you wait a while to hook up in fear of that judgement. And that's just basic stuff. Want to do a girl in the ass, threesomes, anything wilder than missionary? Yep, she'd feel judged if you come across as that kind of person. This is simply the wrong path to go down.
As I said though, this whole concept has an advantage for both you and her. For you, if you are able to show you are non judgemental and can make her feel comfortable, chances are she'll do almost anything. That's not PUA bullshit, it's true in some capacity with every girl(though how you get there can differ greatly). Since there are not that many guys that are truly non judgemental of sex and whatnot, if you become one of them, your value goes up fairly high. There's some things not to do though, which I've kind of touched on: Don't call a girl a slut/synonym of slut, Don't comment when someone brings up how slutty a girl is(other than to brush it off like, "that's her buisness"), Don't comment when someone brings up things like roleplay, anal whatever it is other than basic missionary in a negative light. When someone asks you who you've gotten with, be like "I Don't kiss and tell"(It's cheesy, but.) or something to that extent. (This works great for guys that haven't hooked up yet but want to play it off by saying that.) a combination of this is the best way to show a girl that you won't be like every other guy and be judgemental etc. (NOTE: Show, don't tell. If you go up to a girl and be like "Let's have sex and I won't tell, odds aren't in your favor that she'll agree. The Show don't tell concept is basically applied to all of pua, but just another reminder.)
For the girl, girls are looking for that kind of guy that won't make a big deal about sex or make her feel like she's just a huge slut. She may BE a huge slut in your eyes, but for goodness sake, don't let her know. It's better of course to stop being judgemental about sex at all, but it's not an overnight flip of the switch so just play it cool. Again, it's not that she won't be sexually free and do whatever, but she has to feel comfortable, receptive, and safe. If she gets all of this, then it works out well for her, because then she gets to have her fun and the amazing emotions that come from hooking up, without the after effects(those aforementioned phrases, which is why taking the lead is SO IMPORTANT.)
If your inner game is through the roof and you're not a judgemental person, this will be easy for you and it will show through in your interactions, but not everyone is that confident at this stage, so the important thing is to just take the concept and try to adapt it as best you can. Odds are you'll see improvement, and if not, at least you learn how to not judge people so much.
EDIT: Hit the post button early, going back and fixing it.
Everytime I say it, the girl always says something to that effect.