Contributing to the Conversation

[hubs154]

Alright I keep reading around this site that the best way to get people to like you and all is to just be friendly and add to the conversation. Let me just say that its not like I don't talk to people, I do. However, it seems sometimes when I get into a conversation I dont have anything to say. And if I say an obvious thing or unimportant thing people just a get a certain look. Any tips on how to add meaningful material to a conversation?

[Contempt]

It comes with practice. And also, alot of why you don't have anything to say is because your trying to obtain acceptance so your thinking of things to say that would get them to like you. In other words, your seeking acceptance to that group of people. Don't do this, when you say something it should be something that is legitimately something interesting for you. In other words, say stuff for your own entertainment, not others. People (including ladies) will like you much more for this.

-Contempt

[canadiankid]

Look at you go contempt +1 for your combined effort on the night... as soon as i get my exalt button back in 23 hours

[owl]

The problem with talking about things that are important to you is that whatever it is could be boring for them. I mean, if the other person were talking to you about say, toothpicks, would you really care or just blow off whatever they're saying.

But, if the person talking were someone like MLK or any other great orator, would you?

Oratory skills are a must if you want to hold great conversation. It sets the difference between meaningless chatter and getting a person interested in you.

There are an incredible amount of tips on here to help you become not just a more interesting speaker, but interesting person. Being an interesting person is directly related to how well you speak. That's the first step. Become an interesting person. Practicing confidence and timing in what and how you say something is the next one.

[Contempt]

hahahah ^ (this was to canadiankid, apparantly owl posted at almost the same time as me)

[slyman]

Yeah dude I used to have this problem as well, and I found that as my confidence rose and I gained a bigger social circle, magically I had more interesting things to say. Was the stuff coming out of my mouth more interesting? No. But how I said it was. Gotta be loud, and speak often...once you get into a groove you'll be fine. Start debates with people, don't be a douche bag but stand up for some shit. Other times be super friendly, and crack jokes. Restate: crack jokes all the time, anybody can do it. How you say it is nearly 90% of how people react to it. Last but not least, talk not because some pick up forum told you to or because you want their acceptance, talk because you feel like you have so much to offer and you'd be a dick by not letting people hear how fucking awesome you are.

[Contempt]

Owl, i personally think that if your developing your personality correctly toothpicks should not being an interesting topic for discussion, plus, who really enjoys serious conversations, you should be enjoyings yourself more if your funny and surround yourself with people who are funny. These are the things that are typically fun to talk about. I say talk about things that are in your best interests this doesn't mean talk about shit you do that no one else does and could give half a shit about. Is what I mean, is be in the conversation for your benefit, not theirs and say things accordingly. There are basically to paths you can go with improving your talking to peers: you can get on here and do what you said and study up and how to "talk" to people and how to be interesting, using words and techniques that just put words in your mouth. Or you can develop your social communication skills more naturally, using the inner game concept I previously stated. Who needs information that puts words in your mouth that aren't your own, because then your not really communicating with other people, whoever wrote that information is. In other words, by changing the subjects you talk about to be an interesting person, you are giving the other people the power instead of taking it for yourself. In addition, think about it, over millions of years we have evolved to be the species we are today. Your social skills can do the same thing too if you just try. You don't need other peoples words and facts, you need your own.

oh and nice post slyman:)

-Contempt

[RMO]

ORATION & CONVERSATION

waaaayyyy different. I personally talk about what I want to talk about and people like it, but being interesting is just a natural side effect of my various hobbies. Be careful about the jokes, they can be good, but being known as the class clown isnt always awesome.

[theory]

Another thing you can do is pretty simple, if you feel at some point in the conversation you have nothing to add and that you are just there because of some sort of obligation to stay with your friends you can always excuse yourself or just go join up another conversation.

This works especially well for those times when a certain event/topic is being discussed which you know nothing about/don't care about in the slightest. Especially if you are Alpha leaving a conversation that bores you really should not be out of character for you.

[Contempt]

^ If a topic is being discussed your just going to leave? The goal isn't to have a great conversation on the other persons terms. You want some god damn pussy. The only thing you should do in that situation is change the subject yourself, which shows much better alpha vibes than just... leaving. Honestly.

[canadiankid]

^yup, change it or make a joke about it. This puts YOU back in control.
Ex. All the girls in my group were talking about grad dresses and I was the only guy there. They said a kind of neckline (sweet heart I think) so I said jokingly "what your gonna show any cleavage and be a good girl?" this brought all of there attention to me and there like "nooooooo (my name) it's Luke the top of a heart silly!" blah blah laughing talking with me in center again

[johnmike]

hahahaha nice reply...