Post by Soop on May 21, 2012 21:13:10 GMT -5
Disclaimer: This post really is just me talking about whatever comes to my mind in regards to self-improvement (which I feel is the basis of this site). Name change time? (besides, where do all the high schoolers go after this? To some other place to learn routines?)
Everything I'm about to say is going to be random thoughts, so don't read this if you have shit to do. I'd just like to see what people think of all this, as well as introduce myself and be a part of this community instead of lurking the forum. It feels like my life is changng suddenly and rapidly. I've had a few interesting events happen in the past couple days and I thought I'd share them.
First, a little bit about me. I'm an 18 year old, video game forum lurking kiss-less virgin who has never even had a girlfriend. I have no real friends, and even then I already threw out most of my "school buddies" because I realized they aren't my friends. So basically, I have people I talk to but can't be honest with or talk to on a deep level. Does it make me less of a man to desire connection amongst peers? Two days ago I might have said yes.
About the fact that I have little success with girls (or any social situation really)... It's funny, I always catch desirable girls giving me a glance every now and then, or they come up to me with a smile and actually start to flirt with me! Then what do I do?
I blow it. I just... falter and it really doesn't go further than the initial attraction. And I've realized that it isn't the girl that stops me... it's me! ME!! No one else.
I've been reading a bit of material today and one particular thing I read from this site was one of Andrew's threads that basically talked about grabbing your balls and starting to do what needs to be done.
"Do the needful."
It's my life and I can do whatever I want to it. I can get to 10th prestige in every Call of Duty game, get fucked out of my mind on drugs almost everyday (abuse, not just use), get 70s when I can get 90s... the list goes on.
But this is not what I need to do. I NEED to be social, to reach my fitness goals, to learn what I could be learning, to make the most of my potential.
I've always realized I had potential. I know I'm capable. But I don't do it. I know I need to start working towards my goals, but there is simply no will in my body to actually start working when I can have a blast shitting on the 13 year olds that play Call of Duty.
So, I've decided to rip it away. I gave all of my gaming equipment to my Grandma and told her that I can't have it back until July. They say you need a month to form/break a habit? Fuck it, I have a ~13 year habit to break! Maybe a couple more weeks will help.
After writing that last paragraph I just realized that giving up my games was a step towards my goals, which is exciting for me. But the steps are hard to take... there's just something holding me back! I still don't know what it is, but I'm hoping the month and a half of less distraction will help me find the answer.
I've literally spent the last four or five years thinking about what I want, what I need to do, and about what I need to stop doing. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.
Not acting. Not doing anything. I still don't know what caused me to give up my games. Agh.
Also, before I go I want to say that reading the "slave to the value system" thread was eye opening. I can start to imagine a world where I only do things because I feel it's the best choice for me while simultaneously CONSIDERING, but not necessarily meeting the needs of others. I think this is where the typical asshole bad boy fails in relationships... he only cares about himself.
Haha, the above paragraph actually transitions perfectly into the other thing I read today and enjoyed, and that is the idea of not taking the value of others to increase your own. Instead, give value and gain value. Win-win and win-lose. Trying to bring down others means you are weak and insecure. Why would you need to hurt others for no reason if you were comfortable? Desperation for power comes from being powerless.
So I really don't know what else to say. Maybe I just want to make my story known? Get advice? Gain more insight from today's actions? Maybe someone else can gain from my insight today.
Talk soon! (because I'll need something to do instead of playing video games!)
Oh, I actually want to make it clear that I don't want this thread to be about me, rather I would like to see further discussion emerge from this.
kimdonenowpce
Edit: Nope, not quite finished yet. Just watched this video about the idea of "arousal addiction" which is what I think I might have.
Check it out if you like, I thought it was interesting.
Philip Zimbardo - The Demise of Guys
Everything I'm about to say is going to be random thoughts, so don't read this if you have shit to do. I'd just like to see what people think of all this, as well as introduce myself and be a part of this community instead of lurking the forum. It feels like my life is changng suddenly and rapidly. I've had a few interesting events happen in the past couple days and I thought I'd share them.
First, a little bit about me. I'm an 18 year old, video game forum lurking kiss-less virgin who has never even had a girlfriend. I have no real friends, and even then I already threw out most of my "school buddies" because I realized they aren't my friends. So basically, I have people I talk to but can't be honest with or talk to on a deep level. Does it make me less of a man to desire connection amongst peers? Two days ago I might have said yes.
About the fact that I have little success with girls (or any social situation really)... It's funny, I always catch desirable girls giving me a glance every now and then, or they come up to me with a smile and actually start to flirt with me! Then what do I do?
I blow it. I just... falter and it really doesn't go further than the initial attraction. And I've realized that it isn't the girl that stops me... it's me! ME!! No one else.
I've been reading a bit of material today and one particular thing I read from this site was one of Andrew's threads that basically talked about grabbing your balls and starting to do what needs to be done.
"Do the needful."
It's my life and I can do whatever I want to it. I can get to 10th prestige in every Call of Duty game, get fucked out of my mind on drugs almost everyday (abuse, not just use), get 70s when I can get 90s... the list goes on.
But this is not what I need to do. I NEED to be social, to reach my fitness goals, to learn what I could be learning, to make the most of my potential.
I've always realized I had potential. I know I'm capable. But I don't do it. I know I need to start working towards my goals, but there is simply no will in my body to actually start working when I can have a blast shitting on the 13 year olds that play Call of Duty.
So, I've decided to rip it away. I gave all of my gaming equipment to my Grandma and told her that I can't have it back until July. They say you need a month to form/break a habit? Fuck it, I have a ~13 year habit to break! Maybe a couple more weeks will help.
After writing that last paragraph I just realized that giving up my games was a step towards my goals, which is exciting for me. But the steps are hard to take... there's just something holding me back! I still don't know what it is, but I'm hoping the month and a half of less distraction will help me find the answer.
I've literally spent the last four or five years thinking about what I want, what I need to do, and about what I need to stop doing. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.
Not acting. Not doing anything. I still don't know what caused me to give up my games. Agh.
Also, before I go I want to say that reading the "slave to the value system" thread was eye opening. I can start to imagine a world where I only do things because I feel it's the best choice for me while simultaneously CONSIDERING, but not necessarily meeting the needs of others. I think this is where the typical asshole bad boy fails in relationships... he only cares about himself.
Haha, the above paragraph actually transitions perfectly into the other thing I read today and enjoyed, and that is the idea of not taking the value of others to increase your own. Instead, give value and gain value. Win-win and win-lose. Trying to bring down others means you are weak and insecure. Why would you need to hurt others for no reason if you were comfortable? Desperation for power comes from being powerless.
So I really don't know what else to say. Maybe I just want to make my story known? Get advice? Gain more insight from today's actions? Maybe someone else can gain from my insight today.
Talk soon! (because I'll need something to do instead of playing video games!)
Oh, I actually want to make it clear that I don't want this thread to be about me, rather I would like to see further discussion emerge from this.
kimdonenowpce
Edit: Nope, not quite finished yet. Just watched this video about the idea of "arousal addiction" which is what I think I might have.
Check it out if you like, I thought it was interesting.
Philip Zimbardo - The Demise of Guys
