Some weird ass sh*t.

[hutta]

The story might be long but this will blow ur mind...

My girl and I have been dating for 8 months and it seemed to have plateaued. We are doing nothing new so I suggested her come sleep over. We've never spent an entire night together before so it was a big deal to her, but not to me, mainly cus im a guy. Couple months ago, she said she was going to do it when I come back from a week long school trip, but she decided not to afterwards... I think I had brought it up too many times and she feels pushed.

The urge for us to spend the night comes up every time I talk to her and I know its best if I keep it to myself and let her think about it, but I couldn't. Keeping it in the back of my mind ate my energy, my happiness with her, and my urge to be with her. This had lead to many arguments to the point where she said she is unhappy and is considering a breakup. She wants to try to work it out though.

I am faced with two choices with seem horrendous to me.
1. I can tell her that I will break up with her if she doesn't do this.

2. I let it go and wait for her to become comfortable.

I know... I can't force someone to do that... but it seems like a good idea at this time. Choice 2 feels like if I let it go, this would never happen (I am leaving to uni in 3 months). Or I can just break it up with her and look for someone who isn't as held back to do anything and everything.

You guys are probably thinking... just let it go and have fun. I am trying, but it makes me tired and unhappy. If you think I should let it go... what is something I can do to stop thinking that this is such a big deal to me?

[Eastcoast]

Hey dude,

I think what you should do is actually be more open to her and tell her what you're feeling. Not the whole break up with her part but everything else.

Just explain to her how you dont really feel like its a big deal but it really is creating a gap in the relationship. The more you talk through it the clearer things are going to be.

I could tell you how to say it so that shes gonna want to in the end but its not really moral at all influencing her like that.

Honestly if your hitting uni in three months i wouldnt worry about it too much. If it keeps weighing you down in a few more weeks its probably time to cut the ties.

Good luck dude.

[hutta]

Appreciate your thoughts Eastcoast.

I have told her I think its creating a gap in the relationship and my feelings. I have been as clear to what I am feeling to her as possible. In turn, she told me to give her time...

If you really think so, I'll wait a few weeks to see if time will change her mind. But your right, I should cut the tie after that time.

[freshi3]

Have you been escalating? Do you touch her comfortably in the sexual sense?

She's obviously scared/uncomfortable going into what she probably thinks is 'all the way' (if she does sleep over it probably will be ) . I normally create a sexual vibe that will have her begging to fulfill her needs.

Lastly, you're in high school so I'm not sure what type of freedom both of you have. Is it possible her parents won't let her sleep over? If you knew exactly why she doesn't want to, then fixing it becomes that much easier.

[hutta]

Hey freshi3.

We have sex on a near weekly basis, and we have become so accustomed to touching that it isn't an issue. Furthermore, she can sleep over if she wanted to, its just that she would have to lie that she is sleeping over at her friend's house. I get that she's a girl and that lying to parents makes them feel much more than if us dudes lied.

Last weekend, we spent the day in a hotel, it was interesting to see these indicators that she is testing the water out. When things were getting hot and heavy, she said lets cuddle to see if I would be pissed off. Because I knew what she was doing, I said ok, and eventually we had sex. Then, since we were both tired, we took a nap. I felt like she was trying to see if she would be comfortable sleeping with me.

I guess it all went well, now I'll just have to wait and see.

[freshi3]

Oh, I wasn't sure.

Let us know how it goes.

[hutta]

We broke up... I gave her an ultimatum and fucked things up by doing things out of emotion.

[Eastcoast]

Apr 10, 2013 7:50:15 GMT -5 hutta said:

We broke up... I gave her an ultimatum and fucked things up by doing things out of emotion.

What was the ultimatum specifically?

[hutta]

At first she said we can meet at her house and talk outside as her friends get ready. I was stubborn, I said no, we have to go somewhere else but she already invited her friends and stuff... So I got pissed. I told her if she goes to the party without seeing me, its over.

That was a week ago. Four days after the breakup, I called her and told her I wanted to get back together. Maybe a bad move, but I really want to try it again, she's an awesome girl. She said she needed time to think.

Yesterday, I saw her in person and we talked. Her main concern was that we were unhappy before the breakup and nothing is going to change, we would still be unhappy. I told her that I had realized what I was missing, when I focused on her negative things and tried to change her and that things would change.

She is doubtful, but she wants to give it a try. She said we aren't back together yet, but she wants to be in that phrase where we are not labeled, can act anyway we want to, but still be faithful.

What I get from that is that she is unsure if what I am saying will be true. I guess I have a little doubt in that too. So I'll give it a test.

That same night, we coincidentally met as my group of friends met her group of friends in the nightclub. She didn't look like she was having fun so I gave her a little attention, but she didn't reciprocate much so I just had fun with her female friends instead. Then I came back and took her to a more private place in the club and tried to kiss her, but got the cheek.

I took her home before her friends left because she was having a shit time, overthinking about our relationship. We talked a bit and cleared up what is going to happen next. I tried to give her a goodbye kiss but she said she didn't want to.

Why? Should I game her like we first met or treat her like my girlfriend?

[Sloth]

onto the next one.