Post by Grape on Nov 10, 2008 17:28:59 GMT -5
Getting rid of insecurities
Why are people insecure?
They believe that the society is based on things that they can not fix about themselves thus get very frustrated.
The society is NOT based entirely on looks, fame, wealth, clothes, etc.
There are many people who are ugly, short, fat, have birth defects, that have dated supermodels.
In my first few months of pick up, I was getting results and I was impressed. However, I was deceived because I thought this would give me ultimate happiness. But truth is, I lost a lot of my friends being soo into the pick up scene and I felt worse. I had so many depressing ideas going through my head and I was sad.
This is because I would put sooo much effort into the game and think "I HAVE to do this in order to get what I want." "I HAVE to say this and do that to do this."
The thing about getting girls however, is that YOU HAVE TO BE A COOL PERSON. You can't fake it. EVER. I've been there and done that. DOESN'T WORK. They find out who you REALLY are eventually and they'll crush you completely. So now instead of focusing on "How do I get girls?"
Focus on "How do I become a fun and happy person?"
Being a fun and happy person will benefit you in MANY MANY ways:
- Relieve stress
- Give confidence
- Have natural talent in many fields of intelligences
Take a look at yourself. What do you do on the weekends? How often do you get out of the house and actually LAUGH and HAVE FUN.
So start making plans, get new friends, and get out there. I know how you feel "Get new friends?? How will I be able to do that?? Ahh!!"
You have to be a man. You have to take on the challenge in order to get the big prize. Otherwise you'll live the same boring unsatisfying life you've been living for the past years.
Be dedicated to this and think about the prize to motivate yourself. "This is all I have to do in order to achieve happiness."
Also, you must know that others don't make you feel bad, YOU make you feel bad. Instead of hating the actions of a person, you must learn to love.
I have a friend who is very insecure with himself and always tries way too hard to get attention. He makes fun of other people, but not in a funny way. It's hurtful and sometimes others cry. Even I used to be affected by his act and I was miserable because of him. I avoided him for the next 5 months. But again, he came back into my life. By then however, I was a different person and didn't feel the pain I once felt before.
5 months ago, when he was trying to make fun of me and make me look bad, I was extremely angered by the fact that a friend would stoop so low.
Now, I feel that I don't have to be angered by this. Who cares if this kid is trying to make me look bad. I know that he's just putting an act on and that if I remain unreactive for long enough, then he will stop. I understand where he's coming from with his insecurities so I'm not pissed at him either, I feel bad for him. I know that no matter how hard this kid tries, he can only get LUCKY with his act. Sometimes he'd steal my girls away from me because I was affected by his immature behavior. Now I'm a real friend and tell him "Dude, just be cool. No one's after you."
This isn't a premade line. It came from my heart. I want him to be able to love the world surrounding him instead of feeling that he has to prove himself all the time.
Also, I used to feel horrible when people told me I was useless and stupid and immature and childish. Who in the world would want to be labeled like this??
I cried.
Now, I say "Hey, don't be so mean man, it's not cool."
When I first said this, it was out of protecting my ego. When it worked, I was soo happy and I realized that I don't have to feel bad when people call me names. I feel so good right now even after he called me stupid and immature because I know how to make him shut up and stop being immature himself by calling others names.
Sometimes however, there will be a GROUP of people who make fun of you. I'm talking 20-30 people. They'll all call you stupid and useless, but the thing is that they are human and they won't stand up for you just because they have their own insecurities and don't want to lose their popularity.
What you can do in situations like these is BLOCK THEM OUT. I'm serious. Don't try to 'prove yourself'. I tried it. I thought "Wow, I'm a real alpha now. I hope they'll like me."
No. Bad feelings give a person too much stress. Stay away from those. Humans aren't invincible and we can only have a strong attitude for only such a long time.
Also, realize that emotions don't have any strong a connection to the things happening around you.
Emotion is a feeling you have.
An action is something that has happened.
"A person called me stupid and fat."
"Am I stupid and fat?"
"I don't think so.."
"Well, he IS insecure. He was just trying to get some attention."
"Aww, poor little thing."
"Oh well, why does it mean I have to be all sad and moody just because another insecure and immature person called me stupid and fat. I'm not that pathetic. I'm going to now stop talking about this and move on with life because one little insult like that shouldn't hold me back from doing great things. I control my life and I control my own limitations. Other people can't tell me what to do."
Overall:
1. Change your lifestyle to avoid boring/stressful people/things and go for more exciting/fun hobbies/friends.
2. Don't take insults to heart. A person who is cool will never insult out of pure anger, only the insecure will insult so harshly. Use this to your advantage, don't get affected by it, and tell the person that it's not nice, because it really isnt.
3. Avoid the big groups of people who share a bad feeling. No one wants to talk or experience the feeling of sadness, anger, depression, etc. AVOID BAD FEELINGS AND GO FOR FUN FEELINGS.
4. Give it time. It took me 10 months. But ONLY 10 months, I now have so many years in front of me I DON'T have to spend with stress, depression, and insecurities.
I really hope you guys take this advice into heart. It WILL improve your lifestyle and health.
<33 Grape
Why are people insecure?
They believe that the society is based on things that they can not fix about themselves thus get very frustrated.
The society is NOT based entirely on looks, fame, wealth, clothes, etc.
There are many people who are ugly, short, fat, have birth defects, that have dated supermodels.
In my first few months of pick up, I was getting results and I was impressed. However, I was deceived because I thought this would give me ultimate happiness. But truth is, I lost a lot of my friends being soo into the pick up scene and I felt worse. I had so many depressing ideas going through my head and I was sad.
This is because I would put sooo much effort into the game and think "I HAVE to do this in order to get what I want." "I HAVE to say this and do that to do this."
The thing about getting girls however, is that YOU HAVE TO BE A COOL PERSON. You can't fake it. EVER. I've been there and done that. DOESN'T WORK. They find out who you REALLY are eventually and they'll crush you completely. So now instead of focusing on "How do I get girls?"
Focus on "How do I become a fun and happy person?"
Being a fun and happy person will benefit you in MANY MANY ways:
- Relieve stress
- Give confidence
- Have natural talent in many fields of intelligences
Take a look at yourself. What do you do on the weekends? How often do you get out of the house and actually LAUGH and HAVE FUN.
So start making plans, get new friends, and get out there. I know how you feel "Get new friends?? How will I be able to do that?? Ahh!!"
You have to be a man. You have to take on the challenge in order to get the big prize. Otherwise you'll live the same boring unsatisfying life you've been living for the past years.
Be dedicated to this and think about the prize to motivate yourself. "This is all I have to do in order to achieve happiness."
Also, you must know that others don't make you feel bad, YOU make you feel bad. Instead of hating the actions of a person, you must learn to love.
I have a friend who is very insecure with himself and always tries way too hard to get attention. He makes fun of other people, but not in a funny way. It's hurtful and sometimes others cry. Even I used to be affected by his act and I was miserable because of him. I avoided him for the next 5 months. But again, he came back into my life. By then however, I was a different person and didn't feel the pain I once felt before.
5 months ago, when he was trying to make fun of me and make me look bad, I was extremely angered by the fact that a friend would stoop so low.
Now, I feel that I don't have to be angered by this. Who cares if this kid is trying to make me look bad. I know that he's just putting an act on and that if I remain unreactive for long enough, then he will stop. I understand where he's coming from with his insecurities so I'm not pissed at him either, I feel bad for him. I know that no matter how hard this kid tries, he can only get LUCKY with his act. Sometimes he'd steal my girls away from me because I was affected by his immature behavior. Now I'm a real friend and tell him "Dude, just be cool. No one's after you."
This isn't a premade line. It came from my heart. I want him to be able to love the world surrounding him instead of feeling that he has to prove himself all the time.
Also, I used to feel horrible when people told me I was useless and stupid and immature and childish. Who in the world would want to be labeled like this??
I cried.
Now, I say "Hey, don't be so mean man, it's not cool."
When I first said this, it was out of protecting my ego. When it worked, I was soo happy and I realized that I don't have to feel bad when people call me names. I feel so good right now even after he called me stupid and immature because I know how to make him shut up and stop being immature himself by calling others names.
Sometimes however, there will be a GROUP of people who make fun of you. I'm talking 20-30 people. They'll all call you stupid and useless, but the thing is that they are human and they won't stand up for you just because they have their own insecurities and don't want to lose their popularity.
What you can do in situations like these is BLOCK THEM OUT. I'm serious. Don't try to 'prove yourself'. I tried it. I thought "Wow, I'm a real alpha now. I hope they'll like me."
No. Bad feelings give a person too much stress. Stay away from those. Humans aren't invincible and we can only have a strong attitude for only such a long time.
Also, realize that emotions don't have any strong a connection to the things happening around you.
Emotion is a feeling you have.
An action is something that has happened.
"A person called me stupid and fat."
"Am I stupid and fat?"
"I don't think so.."
"Well, he IS insecure. He was just trying to get some attention."
"Aww, poor little thing."
"Oh well, why does it mean I have to be all sad and moody just because another insecure and immature person called me stupid and fat. I'm not that pathetic. I'm going to now stop talking about this and move on with life because one little insult like that shouldn't hold me back from doing great things. I control my life and I control my own limitations. Other people can't tell me what to do."
Overall:
1. Change your lifestyle to avoid boring/stressful people/things and go for more exciting/fun hobbies/friends.
2. Don't take insults to heart. A person who is cool will never insult out of pure anger, only the insecure will insult so harshly. Use this to your advantage, don't get affected by it, and tell the person that it's not nice, because it really isnt.
3. Avoid the big groups of people who share a bad feeling. No one wants to talk or experience the feeling of sadness, anger, depression, etc. AVOID BAD FEELINGS AND GO FOR FUN FEELINGS.
4. Give it time. It took me 10 months. But ONLY 10 months, I now have so many years in front of me I DON'T have to spend with stress, depression, and insecurities.
I really hope you guys take this advice into heart. It WILL improve your lifestyle and health.
<33 Grape
