Post by Dream on Oct 1, 2008 9:22:40 GMT -5
Ok, so here I go. This describes my view of high school (and later in life too) of people and life in general. I consider it pretty good, although it needs few twitches.
I give full credit to guys at The Art Of Charm and Pickup Podcast . The Value system is their creation, I highly recommend listening to their podcast (3-part) on Value (it's an "Advanced Toolbox") for full understanding.
Basically, this is how "social value" is rated. It's 1-10 scale.
1-6 are so-called Approval Seekers. They are lowest on the scale, there isn't worse than number six. These people will do anything to get people to validate them; they allow themselves to be used for simple possibility of having friends. They will do anything to make people love them, not knowing (and perhaps even knowing it consciously, but not truly believing it) that that's exactly the thing that chases people away from them. From their view, they feel that they are worthless, and think that they are only worthy if someone likes them. It breaks their illusion of worthlessness, and gives them slight feeling of happiness for few minutes. Acting towards them is simple; give them your approval. Listen to them for a few minutes, get them to know that they have you approval. They want you to give them value.
7 is Aggressive type. He is basically an "evolved six". He knows that he isn't six anymore, but he also (deep inside) thinks that he is just worthless, or close to worthless. He tries to hide it by being arrogant and confrontational, because he feels constant urge to prove himself. To make others respect him and like him. But unlike six, who will do anything to make people like him, he will abuse people into respecting him. He'll be an ass to everyone and try to get them back down, to behave like sixes. He thinks that he will feel OK only if he is the best in the group, dominating - but the effect he gets is domineering, as soon as he leaves, people will talk shit about him. And with right, he's being an ass to everyone because he tries to put them down on his level; and even lower. Sevens are harder to deal with, but if you manage to act friendly towards them, give them enough value, they will feel better about themselves and leave you alone. You shouldn't get angry with them for their comments and insults; instead recognize what they really are, cries for attention and value. So give them their value; give them good time, joke with them (here you can laugh at yourself, if the joke is funny), make them like you (show them that you aren't a threat) and MAKE OTHERS LIKE YOU, in the group, and then give the seven some attention, make him feel good about himself, as if he is a center of a party; or even better, MAKE him the center of the party. Simply, give him value.
8 - the Competitive type. He feels pretty good about himself most of the time, and he has no problem in giving other people value - as long as he thinks that they are "under" him on social scale. Eights won't try to make people like them as much (because they feel that a lot of people aren't worth it) or confront (because they know that it doesn't work). They will give value to people they consider inferior ('cause they think that there's no threat from them in being-the-super-cool-guy-at-the-party competition). But as soon as they see someone who people love, someone liked by everybody, eight's insecurities surface and they feel the urge to usurp that position - they start to compete. In who can tell better joke, who can drink more, who can cheer more, etc. Essentially they try to even themselves out with (or even get better than) the guy who is liked more than them. They then think that they'll be cool too. How to deal with them? Simply; give them compliments, make them know that you like them and see them as a cool guy - give them value.
9 and 10 - they are the top. These are the people who see that this whole "value" concept is only an illusion. We are all equal; everyone has more experience and knowledge in some field, does something better, but that doesn't mean that he is more VALUABLE; he's just as valuable human being as a homeless person is. Perhaps not so much to the society as someone else, perhaps not so much to you, or your friends, or any other people; but that doesn't make him any less of a person.
Think of it this way; Einstein was extremely valuable to the world because of his thoughts; but imagine he was in a middle of a jungle, and needed to survive. He wasn't really good at wildlife survival (at least I presume so). So does it make him any less of a person? No. We are all equal, regardless of race, ethnicity, language, or IQ.
Look at this; there are two people with their best friends. Now they have to say who is better; their best friend or someone else's. What's the good answer? NO ONE is better; they are equal. You may want other qualities in a friend than someone else; but it doesn't matter that their friend is worse than yours. And no "social value" can change that.
The so-called "preselection," that's tossed around so much lately (for those of you who don't know it, it means that when you are seen with a group of laughing people around you, it boosts your "social value") isn't about some "value" really. Preselected person isn't more valuable than someone who is alone in a club; he simply allows his qualities (that are attractive to people) and his confidence be seen - people want to spend time not because he is "valuable", but because he has qualities that they like.
Which brings us to the ultimate question.... How to be a ten? Simply; you GIVE PEOPLE VALUE. You give people value, you give them good time, you make them feel good about themselves (no matter if it's by listening to them, giving them compliments, or making them laugh) and they will want to spend time with you. They feel good around you. And so you become a leader; and get "preselected" and make sixes, sevens and eights think that you have some "magical" social status.
Also, friendships formed because of you giving someone value will last much longer than other ones, simply because in this type of friendship the other person likes to be around you for who you are.
Difference between nine and ten is this; true ten never thinks he is a ten. Instead, he sees ten as an *ideal*, perfection, something that can't really be reached. Also, he knows that no one can be ideal, because after all, all people are equal. If you think that you are a ten, then you are most likely an eight, who hasn't found his "opponent" yet.
If you feel an urge to be *more liked than someone else,* than you aren't really a ten (nine, that is Cheesy). All your growth, all of it you do just for yourself. Not for someone else. And if someone can be more interesting and funny than you then let him; after all social skills are just a small color in a huge palette called human skills. And by far not the most important one, because they are all valuable.
PS: Values are very plastic. Someone can be a nine one moment, and six the next one. It's based on confidence; and the reason that the nine is nine is that he knows that confidence is something to be found within, not something to be gained externally. That makes his confidence unshakable. Confidence is an illusion too...
Now here are my thoughts, my beliefs that I think help me;
1. Nothing is for sure. ("The map is not a territory," for those of you who know NLP)
2. Nothing is definitive, everything can change.
3. Why should it end badly if it can end well?
4. You choose who you are, who you want to be, and what can you do about it.
5. Life constantly changes.
6. Past you can't change, future can't predict. Only thing real is the CURRENT MOMENT.
7. All people are equal.
Hope this helps. Comments more than welcome.
Carpe Diem.
I give full credit to guys at The Art Of Charm and Pickup Podcast . The Value system is their creation, I highly recommend listening to their podcast (3-part) on Value (it's an "Advanced Toolbox") for full understanding.
Basically, this is how "social value" is rated. It's 1-10 scale.
1-6 are so-called Approval Seekers. They are lowest on the scale, there isn't worse than number six. These people will do anything to get people to validate them; they allow themselves to be used for simple possibility of having friends. They will do anything to make people love them, not knowing (and perhaps even knowing it consciously, but not truly believing it) that that's exactly the thing that chases people away from them. From their view, they feel that they are worthless, and think that they are only worthy if someone likes them. It breaks their illusion of worthlessness, and gives them slight feeling of happiness for few minutes. Acting towards them is simple; give them your approval. Listen to them for a few minutes, get them to know that they have you approval. They want you to give them value.
7 is Aggressive type. He is basically an "evolved six". He knows that he isn't six anymore, but he also (deep inside) thinks that he is just worthless, or close to worthless. He tries to hide it by being arrogant and confrontational, because he feels constant urge to prove himself. To make others respect him and like him. But unlike six, who will do anything to make people like him, he will abuse people into respecting him. He'll be an ass to everyone and try to get them back down, to behave like sixes. He thinks that he will feel OK only if he is the best in the group, dominating - but the effect he gets is domineering, as soon as he leaves, people will talk shit about him. And with right, he's being an ass to everyone because he tries to put them down on his level; and even lower. Sevens are harder to deal with, but if you manage to act friendly towards them, give them enough value, they will feel better about themselves and leave you alone. You shouldn't get angry with them for their comments and insults; instead recognize what they really are, cries for attention and value. So give them their value; give them good time, joke with them (here you can laugh at yourself, if the joke is funny), make them like you (show them that you aren't a threat) and MAKE OTHERS LIKE YOU, in the group, and then give the seven some attention, make him feel good about himself, as if he is a center of a party; or even better, MAKE him the center of the party. Simply, give him value.
8 - the Competitive type. He feels pretty good about himself most of the time, and he has no problem in giving other people value - as long as he thinks that they are "under" him on social scale. Eights won't try to make people like them as much (because they feel that a lot of people aren't worth it) or confront (because they know that it doesn't work). They will give value to people they consider inferior ('cause they think that there's no threat from them in being-the-super-cool-guy-at-the-party competition). But as soon as they see someone who people love, someone liked by everybody, eight's insecurities surface and they feel the urge to usurp that position - they start to compete. In who can tell better joke, who can drink more, who can cheer more, etc. Essentially they try to even themselves out with (or even get better than) the guy who is liked more than them. They then think that they'll be cool too. How to deal with them? Simply; give them compliments, make them know that you like them and see them as a cool guy - give them value.
9 and 10 - they are the top. These are the people who see that this whole "value" concept is only an illusion. We are all equal; everyone has more experience and knowledge in some field, does something better, but that doesn't mean that he is more VALUABLE; he's just as valuable human being as a homeless person is. Perhaps not so much to the society as someone else, perhaps not so much to you, or your friends, or any other people; but that doesn't make him any less of a person.
Think of it this way; Einstein was extremely valuable to the world because of his thoughts; but imagine he was in a middle of a jungle, and needed to survive. He wasn't really good at wildlife survival (at least I presume so). So does it make him any less of a person? No. We are all equal, regardless of race, ethnicity, language, or IQ.
Look at this; there are two people with their best friends. Now they have to say who is better; their best friend or someone else's. What's the good answer? NO ONE is better; they are equal. You may want other qualities in a friend than someone else; but it doesn't matter that their friend is worse than yours. And no "social value" can change that.
The so-called "preselection," that's tossed around so much lately (for those of you who don't know it, it means that when you are seen with a group of laughing people around you, it boosts your "social value") isn't about some "value" really. Preselected person isn't more valuable than someone who is alone in a club; he simply allows his qualities (that are attractive to people) and his confidence be seen - people want to spend time not because he is "valuable", but because he has qualities that they like.
Which brings us to the ultimate question.... How to be a ten? Simply; you GIVE PEOPLE VALUE. You give people value, you give them good time, you make them feel good about themselves (no matter if it's by listening to them, giving them compliments, or making them laugh) and they will want to spend time with you. They feel good around you. And so you become a leader; and get "preselected" and make sixes, sevens and eights think that you have some "magical" social status.
Also, friendships formed because of you giving someone value will last much longer than other ones, simply because in this type of friendship the other person likes to be around you for who you are.
Difference between nine and ten is this; true ten never thinks he is a ten. Instead, he sees ten as an *ideal*, perfection, something that can't really be reached. Also, he knows that no one can be ideal, because after all, all people are equal. If you think that you are a ten, then you are most likely an eight, who hasn't found his "opponent" yet.
If you feel an urge to be *more liked than someone else,* than you aren't really a ten (nine, that is Cheesy). All your growth, all of it you do just for yourself. Not for someone else. And if someone can be more interesting and funny than you then let him; after all social skills are just a small color in a huge palette called human skills. And by far not the most important one, because they are all valuable.
PS: Values are very plastic. Someone can be a nine one moment, and six the next one. It's based on confidence; and the reason that the nine is nine is that he knows that confidence is something to be found within, not something to be gained externally. That makes his confidence unshakable. Confidence is an illusion too...
Now here are my thoughts, my beliefs that I think help me;
1. Nothing is for sure. ("The map is not a territory," for those of you who know NLP)
2. Nothing is definitive, everything can change.
3. Why should it end badly if it can end well?
4. You choose who you are, who you want to be, and what can you do about it.
5. Life constantly changes.
6. Past you can't change, future can't predict. Only thing real is the CURRENT MOMENT.
7. All people are equal.
Hope this helps. Comments more than welcome.
Carpe Diem.
